Soapie
I hope we all can heal from this
- Mar 26, 2021
- 85
Things have been changing so fast and I just want to sort of make a little bookmark in this point of my life, so maybe I can look back on it and feel a little better about my progress.
It's been two months since my then-fiance left me. I still miss him. I've kept trying to be friends with him but he's so cold. Every time we talk he finds a new way to open up that wound again. It's clear he's finished with me, hell he got a new girlfriend a couple days after leaving me. He's not good for me, he did a lot of things that still hurt. Even so, I just can't help wanting to hear his voice again. I still want to hear him say he cares even if it's a lie. But I'm my own person. I can love myself and make my own decisions. Even if he doesn't care about me anymore, I can care. The past little while I've been really doing my best to care about myself before caring about him. It can be hard though.
A week ago I started dating someone new officially. We were friends for a little while before this but now it's serious. This new person is wonderful, they're sweet and funny and we go together really great. I know it's early days and I'm trying my best not to fall for them or anything, but it just feels so nice to be loved and to love again. I'm not gonna lie, I'm terrified of being heartbroken again. I know dating this person has put me in a vulnerable position but I can't just sit alone and cry over old relationships. I have to try and move on and I think this new person is a good start.
I'm finally moved into my new place. I'm all on my own for the first time in my life and it's so interesting. I'm really glad I'm not with my parents anymore. They didn't help my mental health. I was actually almost homeless for a little bit, but luckily it never came to that. There's so much new stuff happening and I can't wait till things are fully settled.
As for suicide stuff, I'm incredibly confident that if the need ever arose I could get it done. It's sort of an anchor for me. If it gets too overwhelming, if I dig myself a hole I can't get out of, I have that option and it keeps me grounded. It helps to know I'm not stuck here. I'm here because I choose to and I can leave whenever I like. I won't lie, it's still scary to think about death. I don't think it ever won't be scary, but I can handle fear. It's not new to me so I'll be okay. I don't have any current plans to end it, but I don't know what the future holds. We'll see I guess.
That's all for now, love y'all
It's been two months since my then-fiance left me. I still miss him. I've kept trying to be friends with him but he's so cold. Every time we talk he finds a new way to open up that wound again. It's clear he's finished with me, hell he got a new girlfriend a couple days after leaving me. He's not good for me, he did a lot of things that still hurt. Even so, I just can't help wanting to hear his voice again. I still want to hear him say he cares even if it's a lie. But I'm my own person. I can love myself and make my own decisions. Even if he doesn't care about me anymore, I can care. The past little while I've been really doing my best to care about myself before caring about him. It can be hard though.
A week ago I started dating someone new officially. We were friends for a little while before this but now it's serious. This new person is wonderful, they're sweet and funny and we go together really great. I know it's early days and I'm trying my best not to fall for them or anything, but it just feels so nice to be loved and to love again. I'm not gonna lie, I'm terrified of being heartbroken again. I know dating this person has put me in a vulnerable position but I can't just sit alone and cry over old relationships. I have to try and move on and I think this new person is a good start.
I'm finally moved into my new place. I'm all on my own for the first time in my life and it's so interesting. I'm really glad I'm not with my parents anymore. They didn't help my mental health. I was actually almost homeless for a little bit, but luckily it never came to that. There's so much new stuff happening and I can't wait till things are fully settled.
As for suicide stuff, I'm incredibly confident that if the need ever arose I could get it done. It's sort of an anchor for me. If it gets too overwhelming, if I dig myself a hole I can't get out of, I have that option and it keeps me grounded. It helps to know I'm not stuck here. I'm here because I choose to and I can leave whenever I like. I won't lie, it's still scary to think about death. I don't think it ever won't be scary, but I can handle fear. It's not new to me so I'll be okay. I don't have any current plans to end it, but I don't know what the future holds. We'll see I guess.
That's all for now, love y'all
Have you made it through? Regardless, I wish you the best too.
