I really can't answer that. It's entirely your own decision. I'm not about to tell you to go ctb. For me personally, getting through survival instinct is extremely difficult, but knowing that once you're already IN the void, any thoughts won't matter anymore.
deltahead
Student
- May 28, 2019
- 160
when i was younger i figured there was no way heaven or hell could be real, it seemed far too limiting and convenient, just some strange human invention. i almost saw death (the void, unconsciousness, whatever) as a friend, something i've always thought about, always with me. my family all have fairly antiquated beliefs (most of them are the bog standard gay hating the apocalypse is coming kind of christians, also my dad has once told me that there's no point in living without god, a sentiment also echoed by my aunt) and because of this i found it a little easier to disregard them and whatever weird shit talk about.
but ever since 2017 i've been experiencing a very stifled, almost self-flagellating complex thanks to a person i've met. this person is also a christian but believes in a "different" god? one that doesn't condemn and hate people i guess. and believing in this god makes them very happy, gives them purpose. i've been told that i have to "accept" god though, same as my aunt said. i've felt an entire conflicting, irrational range of emotions regarding this. is this the same god as my family's god except they're leaving out the bad parts conveniently? but it doesn't feel right branding them as irrational or wrong, after all they're my age, they've suffered more than i ever will, they probably know what they're talking about. but what if they don't? what if their god sends me to hell for killing myself? it's like in all cases the fault is entirely my own for ignoring the salvation everyone in my life appears to point towards. maybe it's just hard to care about all the iffy parts when you're "saved". why does a god have to seem rational and fair to a human? a person who's molested a child could repent and go to heaven just as easily as i could go to hell despite doing nothing to anyone aside from just being kind of an awkward rude asshole. they used the "you can't lead a horse to water" phrase on me. it's like i got infected with a new strand of the virus. now i just feel the same way i did when i was 11. i'd tell my mom there's no point in living if we're all just going to die. what's the point when my entire life is just one long elevator ride down to hell?
a part of me is just angry, like a child. why do they get a fucking existential fulfillment banquet but also get to dodge every weird question and moment that makes them feel uncomfortable? how does every piece just fall in place? is that even possible? even their pain and suffering is cushioned by the convenient inner workings of their life and environment, their mind, even their vocabulary. they didn't even come from a particularly religious house. i've been immersed in this stuff my whole life, so i guess i must be a real fuck up. it's like i can't believe them when they make salvation seem so tangible and easy to obtain but also can't help but hate myself and feel like some lazy, spoiled, evil inhuman monster for not meeting their insane, arbitrary, self-serving standards. i'm a fucking mess.
but ever since 2017 i've been experiencing a very stifled, almost self-flagellating complex thanks to a person i've met. this person is also a christian but believes in a "different" god? one that doesn't condemn and hate people i guess. and believing in this god makes them very happy, gives them purpose. i've been told that i have to "accept" god though, same as my aunt said. i've felt an entire conflicting, irrational range of emotions regarding this. is this the same god as my family's god except they're leaving out the bad parts conveniently? but it doesn't feel right branding them as irrational or wrong, after all they're my age, they've suffered more than i ever will, they probably know what they're talking about. but what if they don't? what if their god sends me to hell for killing myself? it's like in all cases the fault is entirely my own for ignoring the salvation everyone in my life appears to point towards. maybe it's just hard to care about all the iffy parts when you're "saved". why does a god have to seem rational and fair to a human? a person who's molested a child could repent and go to heaven just as easily as i could go to hell despite doing nothing to anyone aside from just being kind of an awkward rude asshole. they used the "you can't lead a horse to water" phrase on me. it's like i got infected with a new strand of the virus. now i just feel the same way i did when i was 11. i'd tell my mom there's no point in living if we're all just going to die. what's the point when my entire life is just one long elevator ride down to hell?
a part of me is just angry, like a child. why do they get a fucking existential fulfillment banquet but also get to dodge every weird question and moment that makes them feel uncomfortable? how does every piece just fall in place? is that even possible? even their pain and suffering is cushioned by the convenient inner workings of their life and environment, their mind, even their vocabulary. they didn't even come from a particularly religious house. i've been immersed in this stuff my whole life, so i guess i must be a real fuck up. it's like i can't believe them when they make salvation seem so tangible and easy to obtain but also can't help but hate myself and feel like some lazy, spoiled, evil inhuman monster for not meeting their insane, arbitrary, self-serving standards. i'm a fucking mess.
scorpiooo2
saddest grl
- Aug 23, 2019
- 112
I hope heaven is a real place, but if it is that also means hell would also be a place. I think I'd go to heaven but you can never be sure.
But the other part of me knows there's nothing after life.
But the other part of me knows there's nothing after life.
ish
Experienced
- Jul 20, 2019
- 268
A few notes about the human soul.
From the distant past to the second half of the 17th century, mankind did not know the concept of atmosphere (gases such as oxygen, nitrogen, chlorine and hydrogen
discovered only after 1771, others were discovered in the second half of the 18th century). Before humanity realized role the atmosphere in the process of life , associated with the body's breathing function. Has elapsed a long time. Earlier, level of knowledge he associated breathing with the soul , it could not be precisely defined .
It was believed that in the act of creation, God gives life - "He breathed life into him", death - "gave up the spirit."
This is how the concept of soul, present in every living organism, was born. Greek thought introduced the concept of ego-psyche.
It is puzzling that nowadays most people are aware of what atmospheric air role in the process of breathing, and at the same time believes "old idea" in the immortality of the soul.(Marketing and advertising of religion?!?!) Whether can think and associate?
With the death of a person, the breathing process stops, resulting in brain death, the mind and memory cease to exist.
What remains of man is matter (corpses) and genes in the next generations, and what is his individual intellectual achievements
(it remains in the memory of the next generations). In subsequent generations, this memory is slowly fading.
From the distant past to the second half of the 17th century, mankind did not know the concept of atmosphere (gases such as oxygen, nitrogen, chlorine and hydrogen
discovered only after 1771, others were discovered in the second half of the 18th century). Before humanity realized role the atmosphere in the process of life , associated with the body's breathing function. Has elapsed a long time. Earlier, level of knowledge he associated breathing with the soul , it could not be precisely defined .
It was believed that in the act of creation, God gives life - "He breathed life into him", death - "gave up the spirit."
This is how the concept of soul, present in every living organism, was born. Greek thought introduced the concept of ego-psyche.
It is puzzling that nowadays most people are aware of what atmospheric air role in the process of breathing, and at the same time believes "old idea" in the immortality of the soul.(Marketing and advertising of religion?!?!) Whether can think and associate?
With the death of a person, the breathing process stops, resulting in brain death, the mind and memory cease to exist.
What remains of man is matter (corpses) and genes in the next generations, and what is his individual intellectual achievements
(it remains in the memory of the next generations). In subsequent generations, this memory is slowly fading.
I love talking about this and sharing ideas.
What kind of annoys me is the people who say they "know" there's nothing. No, you don't know. Nobody does. There's an arrogance and smugess to that equal to the kind that religion at times create in people.
The simplicity of brain death and cessation of consciousness is the construct we're given, as is the "well what was it like before you were born?" There are some people who claim to remember a past life and all kinds of other stuff.
My personal theory, as I'm more and more losing faith that there is necessarily a benevolent God as opposed to either an indifferent one like an energy source or a substance like the Spinoza God, is ultimately in the grand scheme of forever and eternity, we will be born again when our atoms and all that other shit match up perfectly at some point. I just think forever is too long for it not to happen again.
I hope I'm wrong and there is more of what the NDE people say and there is some kind of order to this and happiness after. I'd like to think there's a reprieve for people who had it really bad here on earth. It just seems too good to be true given what kind of planet this is.
What kind of annoys me is the people who say they "know" there's nothing. No, you don't know. Nobody does. There's an arrogance and smugess to that equal to the kind that religion at times create in people.
The simplicity of brain death and cessation of consciousness is the construct we're given, as is the "well what was it like before you were born?" There are some people who claim to remember a past life and all kinds of other stuff.
My personal theory, as I'm more and more losing faith that there is necessarily a benevolent God as opposed to either an indifferent one like an energy source or a substance like the Spinoza God, is ultimately in the grand scheme of forever and eternity, we will be born again when our atoms and all that other shit match up perfectly at some point. I just think forever is too long for it not to happen again.
I hope I'm wrong and there is more of what the NDE people say and there is some kind of order to this and happiness after. I'd like to think there's a reprieve for people who had it really bad here on earth. It just seems too good to be true given what kind of planet this is.
Nobody can possibly know what happens when we leave this world. And if there is such a thing as an afterlife, it is probably beyond mere human comprehension. I thought I was possibly going to die for about 15 minutes or so after I had an accident and was in ambulance on the way to the emergency room. I was terrified. It was the fear of the " great unknown", and realizing wherever we go when we die( if any place..), that I had absolutely no control whatsoever... I was going there. That was such a helpless feeling... kind of like that kind of dream, where you fall off a cliff and you feel that terrifying, utterly no control feeling....
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
reincarnation?
I hope I just don't exist ever again. become one with nothing.
I hope I just don't exist ever again. become one with nothing.
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
Tom9999
I've suffered enough.
- Aug 27, 2019
- 124
I assume we cease to exist. We vanish into eternal oblivion. So death is not an experience, but rather the complete absence of awareness. After our death will be the same as before we were born.
Of course, I don't know this. But comparing death to
But that is the exciting and adventurous thing about suicide - it's a journey into the complete unknown.
I mean, really, what happens after death? Well, it could be anything in, or far beyond, ones wildest imaginings!
Of course, I don't know this. But comparing death to
- How it was before I was born.
- A dreamless nap.
- Going under anesthesia.
But that is the exciting and adventurous thing about suicide - it's a journey into the complete unknown.
I mean, really, what happens after death? Well, it could be anything in, or far beyond, ones wildest imaginings!
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not from here
Never was
- Jul 14, 2019
- 35
I think it's a big assumption that we exist now.
Tom9999
I've suffered enough.
- Aug 27, 2019
- 124
I agree, in that our sense of self might just be the result of the brains wiring. The sense that we exist may be created by the brain as a way of organizing incoming sense data. Once the senses permanently shut down, that organizing principle vanishes. So in that way, our sense of "self" is an illusion. It exists only as a result of the brain operating, and once the brain stops operating, we vanish.
I tend to subscribe to this view, which is why I assume we do not continue on in any form after brain death.
not from here
Never was
- Jul 14, 2019
- 35
That could very well be Tom.
I think, personally, that it is very important to keep in mind that we have a very limited perception through our existence as humans. I don't think, well, actually I know that we do not have the intellect or comprehension to make any conclusion on the true nature of things. As William Blake said...'once the doors of perception have been clensed, man will see things as they truly are....infinite. (or something like that)
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Tom9999
I've suffered enough.
- Aug 27, 2019
- 124
Yes. I've always thought of my comprehension of what life is, is as that of an ant examining a bread crumb, one that has dropped off the sandwich of a scientist working at NASA on interstellar travel. The ant is aware of the crumb and can manipulate it, but lacks the faculties and awareness necessary to fully comprehend his surroundings. It is possible that what is revealed to me on death will be on the magnitude of that ant suddenly becoming not only aware of the scientist, NASA, and the science of interstellar space travel, but fully understand it all as well.
What a leap in consciousness that would be!
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not from here
Never was
- Jul 14, 2019
- 35
That's a really good analogy. I like that.
Oh totally. Possibly even more. I hope some semblance of it is revealed at some point. It could be nothing at all and we'll never know, or maybe we will.
When you really think about it, eternity has already happened. Each added minute is just an added minute to what's already been an eternity. If time even really works linearly, or if any kind of time really even exists. It would be surprising if many amounts of different kinds of civilizations in different galaxies or universes or whoever the fuck knows haven't already come and gone or are still around.
I think there's an incredible amount that's out there, we just have no idea if we'll ever know anything about it.
I've always thought we will. I think a lot of things here are a construct for us to be able to understand whatever we can. For all we know, some other higher level of being is laughing at us for simply thinking that a simple cessation of existence on this planet means anything. Or maybe there truly is nothing at all anywhere out there and never has been and maybe never will. It literally could be anything.
Tom9999
I've suffered enough.
- Aug 27, 2019
- 124
Yes. The monstrously immense age and size of the (currently observable) universe, billions of light years in diameter, billions of years old, countless galaxies, stars, and planets, is truly baffling. Add to that the simple fact that we don't know where all THAT came from, and stuff like the quantum double slit experiment, and you get a true appreciation for just how little we know, and how wrong all that we think we know could be in the end.
Even sometimes I just press my finger against the wall and think "What is this, really? I haven't the faintest idea!" and then marvel at that simple experience.
Yes, and those higher beings may well have by now built interstellar highways, harnessed entire stars, and done other truly fantastic things. Perhaps we are one of those beings, just living this life for fun, purposely made our self unawares of our true nature in order to make it more "interesting".
And if we are indeed nothing but a self-aware organizing principle of the brain, and that's it, we won't be disappointed because we won't exist to witness our own vanishing.
And if we are indeed much more than that, who knows what, then what freakish delights might lay ahead after our departure!
HGL91
Warlock
- Jul 2, 2019
- 720
What is that device does it hold ashes?
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I lost my Brother too.
I will be with him soon
Fully agreed
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marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
Yes it does ,
we were very close and he didnt smoke , drink or do drugs and just got a chest infection and within two weeks he just died , i had to break in and find him .
Sorry for your loss too
Security measure
That's truly tragic I'm sorry. How old was he?Yes it does ,
we were very close and he didnt smoke , drink or do drugs and just got a chest infection and within two weeks he just died , i had to break in and find him .
Sorry for your loss too
Security measure
www.ebay.co.uk
I can't wait to see his face again.
Have you had any dreams of him since he left? Did they seem real? Care to share?
Lady black
35 male, central Europe, German speaking
- Oct 22, 2018
- 1,192
thrwaway99
Student
- Mar 24, 2019
- 144
In a box
In the ground
Or perhaps an oven on the other side of town
On the shelf
In an urn
Ashes and bones after we burn
Maybe Heaven
Doubtful Hell
Whatever comes I hope it's swell
In the ground
Or perhaps an oven on the other side of town
On the shelf
In an urn
Ashes and bones after we burn
Maybe Heaven
Doubtful Hell
Whatever comes I hope it's swell
marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
Hi Lisa,
he was 57 , two years older than me my twin died when we were two and a half , we both had bronchial pneumonia , i was the worst but unfortunately i survived , so my older brother and i where always close and even lived together at one point when we were both divorced .
I have three other siblings too.
My mum and dad are still alive and in their 80`s but you wouldn't know that where that old and the worst thing after the police and ambulance had finished i had to go and tell them and it just so happens to be the anniversary week of my twin dying too , 1st time i have seen my dad cry !
So it`s delayed me CTB for the time being (maybe)
I haven't had any dreams but do have trouble sleeping sometimes thinking about how he lost so much weight in two week and the fact he had to wait two weeks to see a doctor , he died before he got there , I should have insisted he go to hospital as i was so shocked when i saw him form one week to te next , i knew he was going to die .
He always visited me on a Saturday and his Dr`s appointment was for the monday , i said ring me as soon as you have been , he said he would but i never got the call and he didnt answer my call so i knew i was going to find him dead .
Nowhere.
Let's face the true, there's no other side, heaven or hell or afterlife, once your brain cells die your cognitive capacity ends and with it ends all of yourself, all your memories, past, present and future.
Let's face the true, there's no other side, heaven or hell or afterlife, once your brain cells die your cognitive capacity ends and with it ends all of yourself, all your memories, past, present and future.
Tom9999
I've suffered enough.
- Aug 27, 2019
- 124
Not only is this the most reasonable position to take, but, more importantly, it prevents religious dogma from clawing in and sowing confusion, shame, and fear. It is therefore also the most helpful and compassionate position.
not from here
Never was
- Jul 14, 2019
- 35
I still say we do not as humans have the capacity to make such determinations of the unknown. It is impossible to fathom the unfathomable and know the unknowable to us. Just in the electromagnetic spectrum we only perceive .0035 percent. And that is just electricity and light. To think we have a grasp on true reality is farsicle.
God I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
That is traumatic
I hope he comes to you in a dream soon and hopefully he tells you he is okay
