Venting Where Do I Go From Here?

[infidelity37]

I don't even know where to start.

My whole life has felt like a constant downward spiral. The lows are always so, so low, and the highs are always barely there. They're never high enough to justify the lows.

I never wanted to live this long. I wanted to end my life on my 21st birthday. I made horrible impulsive decisions to ruin my life to push myself further over the edge. To make sure I wouldn't chicken out and not do it.

I didn't do it.

Now im stuck facing the consequences of my self destructive actions. I'm in tons of debt that I can't afford to crawl out of. I lost my job, so I really can't fucking afford my rent, let alone the tens of thousands of dollars of debt I put myself in.

I also just lost my boyfriend and my best friend. He was all I had. He told that he was in love with me, that he needed me, that we were going to get married one day. I guess that was a lie.

He's the only support system I had.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what's the point of continuing living, when it feels like life is nothing but constant suffering. I rarely feel joy. I haven't been happy in ages. I don't even remember what feeling okay feels like.

Work and my boyfriend were all I had. The only things keeping me going. I lost both in the same week.

The only real thing keeping me alive is the fear that I'll fuck up and end up permanently disabled.

I wish I had done it when I planned.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I been down the same road you are on. You got a job, a person who loves you, then BAM, it's all gone. Went from being a dream to a total nightmare.

She wiped my bank account dry, maxed out all my credit cards, and then she disappeared without saying a word.

I already promised myself it will never happen again. I'd rather be dead than go through another relationship.

 

[infidelity37]

I been down the same road you are on. You got a job, a person who loves you, then BAM, it's all gone. Went from being a dream to a total nightmare.

She wiped my bank account dry, maxed out all my credit cards, and then she disappeared without saying a word.

I already promised myself it will never happen again. I'd rather be dead than go through another relationship.

I don't know what to do. It feels like there's no way to climb out of this one. I can't eat or sleep. My heart is pounding all the time.

 

[reyonrays]

Truly sorry to hear that, i know that debt alone can push alot of people of the edge.

I hope you get better and, as time passes, find at least some resolution in the future.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing also just feels like suffering to me and I also continue to suffer because of fear of trying to die going wrong, personally I find it terrifying how such could happen. But anyway I wish you the best.