When you've finally got your fill of revisiting your growing up years, what's left?

[Ambivalent1]

Ive watched a lot of the shows I grew up with including movies and books. That was the only time in my life where I was reasonably happy and hopeful. There's nothing in my present but poverty, aloneness, no more religion, no pets (they're dead), no more goals. My mind has been trying to distract me from my present for years because there's nothing here but a graveyard. It's like when neo sees the real world beyond the matrix and just sees an apocalyptic wasteland.

I just realized the flaw in my thinking. There's nothing here because I've invested nothing in the present. It's like being given a blank piece of paper to draw with but walking away from the table only to come back to it later on surprised the paper is still blank. Being disabled means you get a blank paper without a pencil or pen.

 

[aquasaltstripes]

"My life is a graveyard of buried hopes." That's a quote from a children's novel called Anne of Green Gables. Fantastic book by the way and great series — there's like six other books I think — and I highly recommend it if you have the energy and time. There's also a Netflix adaptation of it I heard was really good if you want to watch it.

Anyway, I obviously don't know all the details of your situation and nor do I have the answers but I can 100% relate. Shitty financial situation, inflation through the roof, loneliness, lost faith (both in Gods and in life), no motivation to do anything, zero fulfillment. and of course the eternal dependence on/addiction to escapism (a topic about which the other day I made a post called "Zero escape from constant escape" to which others offered some very thought-provoking replies and perspectives, much of which you might find interesting or derive some value from too ).

As a kid apparently I really was content and happy with purely watching YouTube videos and playing with Lego and Roblox and Minecraft and random long-gone mobile games, etc., but now it all seems just kinda empty and guilt-inducing because it's "not productive," or again merely a distraction from reality, even though, like, distraction and reality, living and suicide: at the end of the day they're just the lesser of two evils. And of course what's left is us old jaded, cynical, stagnant creatures.

"It's no wonder we see the past through rose-tinted glasses. It's the natural product of red shift. It's constantly getting further away from us." Another quote from r/showerthoughts.

They say so much of life is just waiting. Waiting for the day to end, waiting at the line at the grocery store, for your favorite artist to drop or YouTuber to upload, for your depression to go away. So I guess in the meantime I'll wait. It's hard, and I'm still dithering and bumbling about for answers, but oh well — Hope we all can find it or something like it someday, be it CTB or not <3

 

[Ambivalent1]

"My life is a graveyard of buried hopes." That's a quote from a children's novel called Anne of Green Gables. Fantastic book by the way and great series — there's like six other books I think — and I highly recommend it if you have the energy and time. There's also a Netflix adaptation of it I heard was really good if you want to watch it.

Anyway, I obviously don't know all the details of your situation and nor do I have the answers but I can 100% relate. Shitty financial situation, inflation through the roof, loneliness, lost faith (both in Gods and in life), no motivation to do anything, zero fulfillment. and of course the eternal dependence on/addiction to escapism (a topic about which the other day I made a post called "Zero escape from constant escape" to which others offered some very thought-provoking replies and perspectives, much of which you might find interesting or derive some value from too ).

As a kid apparently I really was content and happy with purely watching YouTube videos and playing with Lego and Roblox and Minecraft and random long-gone mobile games, etc., but now it all seems just kinda empty and guilt-inducing because it's "not productive," or again merely a distraction from reality, even though, like, distraction and reality, living and suicide: at the end of the day they're just the lesser of two evils. And of course what's left is us old jaded, cynical, stagnant creatures.

"It's no wonder we see the past through rose-tinted glasses. It's the natural product of red shift. It's constantly getting further away from us." Another quote from r/showerthoughts.

They say so much of life is just waiting. Waiting for the day to end, waiting at the line at the grocery store, for your favorite artist to drop or YouTuber to upload, for your depression to go away. So I guess in the meantime I'll wait. It's hard, and I'm still dithering and bumbling about for answers, but oh well — Hope we all can find it or something like it someday, be it CTB or not <3

Someone who understands. Maybe this is why adults are so miserable. We all mostly feel this way.

Maybe life is like being at the DMV. We're given a slip of paper and a chair. We wait for our A32 to blare above over the speakers, and the room we're called into has a gun mounted to the opposite wall awaiting the next person. Absurd and pointless at the end of the day. And yet we chase after meaning. This is why many religious people believe. They believe the search for meaning is an innate proof that this life matters.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Ive watched a lot of the shows I grew up with including movies and books. That was the only time in my life where I was reasonably happy and hopeful. There's nothing in my present but poverty, aloneness, no more religion, no pets (they're dead), no more goals. My mind has been trying to distract me from my present for years because there's nothing here but a graveyard. It's like when neo sees the real world beyond the matrix and just sees an apocalyptic wasteland.

I just realized the flaw in my thinking. There's nothing here because I've invested nothing in the present. It's like being given a blank piece of paper to draw with but walking away from the table only to come back to it later on surprised the paper is still blank. Being disabled means you get a blank paper without a pencil or pen.

I understand you. But from a different perspective. I spent my life drawing that picture. A damn good picture. Then a bunch of people decided to light if on fire and no one did a damn thing. My starry night is gone. All that time spent drawing now is irrelevant. Just a future of poverty, loneliness, anger, despair, etc...

 

[Ambivalent1]

I understand you. But from a different perspective. I spent my life drawing that picture. A damn good picture. Then a bunch of people decided to light if on fire and no one did a damn thing. My starry night is gone. All that time spent drawing now is irrelevant. Just a future of poverty, loneliness, anger, despair, etc...

How did they ruin your picture?

 

[brokeandbroken]

How did they ruin your picture?

Victim of crimes

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think we have far fewer responsibilities when we are growing up- so, it's easier to get lost in media etc. Plus- when it's over- there isn't a torrent of worries coming in. Maybe we get more cynical as we grow older too.

I happened to see a repeat of an old cartoon I used to love as a kid. It was so obviously looped in places and they obviously used different animators- some of the drawings were far better than others. I found it so strange that I never even noticed things like that as a child. I was so caught up in the story I suppose.

I think we tend to pick stuff apart as adults though. We're really judgemental. I think maybe we partly just miss things being simple when we were young. So- watching something you used to enjoy when you were young might hold a few nice feelings of nostalgia but I'm not so sure you can get the same mindset back. I think it's partly that that feels upsetting. We realise we've lost something. Our carefree sense of wonder maybe.