When you talk with non-suicidal people about suicide and how great it would be to die. Give me your best conversations.

[Thingsneverchange]

I just talked to someone about suicide. She told me that if I really wanted to kill myself i would do it and nobody could stop me. I do really want to die. I think people are underestimating my urge to die. But I guess thats only good for me.

 

[motel rooms]

I don't talk to people about suicide, I usually threaten to kill them

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I can't remember anything particular because it probably doesn't register as important in my brain. But it's always, "change your medication", "be more positive", "you're so young, how can you want to die?", "go see a psychiatrist", "forget about the past", "truly suicidal people never tell", "you'll go to hell", and so on. Nothing new.

 

[Makko]

I don't talk to people about suicide, I usually threaten to kill them

And when someone responds "yes pls" you know you're in good company

 

[Thingsneverchange]

And when someone responds "yes pls" you know you're in good company

Good one omg

 

[phoenixx]

I'd never be able to talk to non-suicidal people about suicide. Given my history, I would most likely get hospitalised or something

 

[Thingsneverchange]

I'd never be able to talk to non-suicidal people about suicide. Given my history, I would most likely get hospitalised or something

Haha I thought the same, apparently not

 

[AnotherTragicName]

There was one actual positive interaction on the topic before. A friend of mine knew about these tendencies of mine for quite some years already. So we hang out, slept in the forest, made a campfire, because we don't get together that often and these nature experiences are kinda our thing. Still, I couldn't really enjoy it, as so often.

I started of with saying, that I guess that I just have to accept the here and now, even though I don't enjoy it.
He was quite bamboozled by that statement and replied "What do you mean by accepting, just look around, that moment is epic!"
"Well you know..." (here I go again how off putting living with chronic severe depression is)

He listened to my portrayel of my life perspective patiently. A noticable pause followed. Which he broke, by the words:
"Well, then maybe you should just do it."



First and only time I ever got that reply. I'll never forget it. Bowings to you, my dear friend.

 

[insomuchpain316]

See a therapist immediately then there is the risk of getting committed...fucked up world

 

[FuneralCry]

I would never talk to non suicidal people about wanting to ctb. I do not see the point in doing this. Other people would not understand and they wouldn't accept my decision. People are naturally selfish so they would want me to stay alive for their sake. In general, I am the type of person who keeps things to myself anyway. In my opinion, nothing good can come from sharing too much.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I've had people tell me they are surprised I've went this long without killing myself.

 

[xLosthopex]

Usually just get met with something like: "But you're so beautiful and intelligent! You have so much to live for, what a waste!"
Like uh ok thanks but what does that have to do with anything lol

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Some have expressed shock that I have not already taken my life, including "How the fuck are you not dead yet?"

Otherwise, most conversations surrounding suicide have revolved around the rhetoric that life is a gift (it's not - it's an imposition masquerading as one), that all life is precious and must be preserved, that I am young and have my "whole life ahead of me" (which is precisely what I fear - a life of perpetual pain and continuous deterioration), that I am a selfish cunt if I kill myself, that I must think about my nonexistent family and nonexistent friends and nonexistent support network that would all miss me if I died.

Speaking of suicidality has led to a plethora of damaging, ineffective medications, prescribed like candy by professionals that cannot wait to usher me out of the door, to being told that it can't be that bad, otherwise I would already be dead. To being blamed for my inability to heal myself of all ailments and traumas because the interventions offered were inadequate (apparently this makes me "non-compliant" and "treatment-resistant", terms used to curtail communication and subsequently discharge patients, absolving all responsibility for their care). To being treated with hostility and resentment - like a persistent pest - for arriving at hospitals by ambulance following attempts, for begging for relief and support at outpatient appointments, for not wanting to be here yet so desperately wishing that something could fucking help me. To being explicitly told that I am a drain on the healthcare services and their finite resources, because a few months of CBT, DBT or any other modalities thrown at me dictating my issues can be resolved with a mere shift in mindset, did not cure my chronic diseases or Complex PTSD.

To be suicidal - and dare to discuss it - is to be ostracised, villainised, shamed, blamed and abandoned. It is extending your hand out in hopes that someone will help you stand, only to be knocked onto your knees and told it is your own fault if you cannot get back up again alone. That you can achieve anything if you persevere and stay positive. That you can use coping strategies and tools to stay afloat, but you are solely responsible for not drowning - don't expect anyone else to lift your head above water if you can't breathe.

And if you cannot do that, then "How the fuck are you not dead yet?"

Never again. Never will I ever share anything with anyone in relation to suicide outside of SS anymore. This is the only temporary respite I have from the bombardment of banal bullshit peddled by both the medical industry and society.

 

[Hercules]

This is the most bizarre thing that anyone has ever said to me regarding suicide. Awhile back, I had told this woman that I was Very depressed and constantly having suicidal thoughts. She paused for a minute, looked me straight in the eye and said," You don't really want to commit suicide. This is one of the Satan's lies.. You don't have to believe in and give in to this temptation. Long pause. " Do you know that Jesus was tempted to commit suicide? He prayed and he overcame the temptation to commit suicide. Jesus overcame this temptation and with his help, so can you."

 

[Makko]

This is the most bizarre thing that anyone has ever said to me regarding suicide. Awhile back, I had told this woman that I was Very depressed and constantly having suicidal thoughts. She paused for a minute, looked me straight in the eye and said," You don't really want to commit suicide. This is one of the Satan's lies.. You don't have to believe in and give in to this temptation. Long pause. " Do you know that Jesus was tempted to commit suicide? He prayed and he overcame the temptation to commit suicide. Jesus overcame this temptation and with his help, so can you."

Yeah if you want salvation from your personal doom just be Jesus. Realistic standards

 

[motel rooms]

This is the most bizarre thing that anyone has ever said to me regarding suicide. Awhile back, I had told this woman that I was Very depressed and constantly having suicidal thoughts. She paused for a minute, looked me straight in the eye and said," You don't really want to commit suicide. This is one of the Satan's lies.. You don't have to believe in and give in to this temptation. Long pause. " Do you know that Jesus was tempted to commit suicide? He prayed and he overcame the temptation to commit suicide. Jesus overcame this temptation and with his help, so can you."

I've posted this gif already, but I just love it so much:

This is a new find:

 

[Eol21]

Haha.... A speechless scared face.


But the best was a buddy of my mine... I fell backward into a bush and said I wished I died or something. Idk... Dude knew I was genuine about it and I could tell he cared. He's a good person if he ever sees this.

 

[agate]

That's how people who don't understand what we're feeling would say. In my case at least, my suicidal thoughts/feelings ebb and wane constantly, throughout a day/week. Also , for me at least, it's a enough (atm) to have a method lined up and ready.
For my loved ones' sake , and my own , there's no rush at that point.

I never talk to anyone about these thoughts, especially not a loved one. You are very brave for doing that , you are reaching out basically , seeing if you'll be heard and instead it's another slap

At least over here we all understand and are a comfort to each other

 

[Tamz]

Some have expressed shock that I have not already taken my life, including "How the fuck are you not dead yet?"

Otherwise, most conversations surrounding suicide have revolved around the rhetoric that life is a gift (it's not - it's an imposition masquerading as one), that all life is precious and must be preserved, that I am young and have my "whole life ahead of me" (which is precisely what I fear - a life of perpetual pain and continuous deterioration), that I am a selfish cunt if I kill myself, that I must think about my nonexistent family and nonexistent friends and nonexistent support network that would all miss me if I died.

Speaking of suicidality has led to a plethora of damaging, ineffective medications, prescribed like candy by professionals that cannot wait to usher me out of the door, to being told that it can't be that bad, otherwise I would already be dead. To being blamed for my inability to heal myself of all ailments and traumas because the interventions offered were inadequate (apparently this makes me "non-compliant" and "treatment-resistant", terms used to curtail communication and subsequently discharge patients, absolving all responsibility for their care). To being treated with hostility and resentment - like a persistent pest - for arriving at hospitals by ambulance following attempts, for begging for relief and support at outpatient appointments, for not wanting to be here yet so desperately wishing that something could fucking help me. To being explicitly told that I am a drain on the healthcare services and their finite resources, because a few months of CBT, DBT or any other modalities thrown at me dictating my issues can be resolved with a mere shift in mindset, did not cure my chronic diseases or Complex PTSD.

To be suicidal - and dare to discuss it - is to be ostracised, villainised, shamed, blamed and abandoned. It is extending your hand out in hopes that someone will help you stand, only to be knocked onto your knees and told it is your own fault if you cannot get back up again alone. That you can achieve anything if you persevere and stay positive. That you can use coping strategies and tools to stay afloat, but you are solely responsible for not drowning - don't expect anyone else to lift your head above water if you can't breathe.

And if you cannot do that, then "How the fuck are you not dead yet?"

Never again. Never will I ever share anything with anyone in relation to suicide outside of SS anymore. This is the only temporary respite I have from the bombardment of banal bullshit peddled by both the medical industry and society.

I just have to say - I love how you write.

 

[NormaJeane]

All people will become suicidal if we live long enough (if we do not die of an accident).

 

[sadstargazer231]

I just have to say - I love how you write.

Agreed. Persephone, you have a gift. So sorry for the trauma you've experienced…but please keep writing!

 

[Cheers]

I had a chat with a nurse while i was hospitalised for depression and suicide, she'd come to see me bc despite reading my file she couldn't figure what had gotten me there or what was going on with me and she was basically curious so i humoured her and told her a bit more then we talked philosophy and at some point she said ''you know, there's a freudian theory that basically states that most people are driven by a strong life instinct with a few death/self-destruction impulses, but you, you have a death instinct with some life impulses'' and i was like fuck yeah that sounds right
In the end they couldn't really help me nor did they figure me out but it was an interesting stay there

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

The response is always the same: "Yes, you may have been in treatment since you were a child, for over half your life now... And you have only gotten much worse. But keep trying because you will get better someday!" My favourite novel response recently was that I should quit my job and somehow open a bakery (I don't have money, or business sense, but I do have a severe eating disorder and no motivation). The same person also suggested I take a long relaxing impromptu vacation in Iceland. Again, with what money?

 

[AnonymousS]

Some have expressed shock that I have not already taken my life, including "How the fuck are you not dead yet?"

Otherwise, most conversations surrounding suicide have revolved around the rhetoric that life is a gift (it's not - it's an imposition masquerading as one), that all life is precious and must be preserved, that I am young and have my "whole life ahead of me" (which is precisely what I fear - a life of perpetual pain and continuous deterioration), that I am a selfish cunt if I kill myself, that I must think about my nonexistent family and nonexistent friends and nonexistent support network that would all miss me if I died.

Speaking of suicidality has led to a plethora of damaging, ineffective medications, prescribed like candy by professionals that cannot wait to usher me out of the door, to being told that it can't be that bad, otherwise I would already be dead. To being blamed for my inability to heal myself of all ailments and traumas because the interventions offered were inadequate (apparently this makes me "non-compliant" and "treatment-resistant", terms used to curtail communication and subsequently discharge patients, absolving all responsibility for their care). To being treated with hostility and resentment - like a persistent pest - for arriving at hospitals by ambulance following attempts, for begging for relief and support at outpatient appointments, for not wanting to be here yet so desperately wishing that something could fucking help me. To being explicitly told that I am a drain on the healthcare services and their finite resources, because a few months of CBT, DBT or any other modalities thrown at me dictating my issues can be resolved with a mere shift in mindset, did not cure my chronic diseases or Complex PTSD.

To be suicidal - and dare to discuss it - is to be ostracised, villainised, shamed, blamed and abandoned. It is extending your hand out in hopes that someone will help you stand, only to be knocked onto your knees and told it is your own fault if you cannot get back up again alone. That you can achieve anything if you persevere and stay positive. That you can use coping strategies and tools to stay afloat, but you are solely responsible for not drowning - don't expect anyone else to lift your head above water if you can't breathe.

And if you cannot do that, then "How the fuck are you not dead yet?"

Never again. Never will I ever share anything with anyone in relation to suicide outside of SS anymore. This is the only temporary respite I have from the bombardment of banal bullshit peddled by both the medical industry and society.

You put this in such eloquent words, it's powerful and deeply tragic to read this. Society is shameful.

 

[callme]

The response is always the same: "Yes, you may have been in treatment since you were a child, for over half your life now... And you have only gotten much worse. But keep trying because you will get better someday!" My favourite novel response recently was that I should quit my job and somehow open a bakery (I don't have money, or business sense, but I do have a severe eating disorder and no motivation). The same person also suggested I take a long relaxing impromptu vacation in Iceland. Again, with what money?

Oof, bakery worker here, didn't end up well with overeating and obesity. In the rare occasion their advice is even remotely sound, you wanna lock these cretins suggesting it outside in just their underwear mid-December, don't you?

I don't see Iceland's appeal. Piles of rubble and civilised behavior with nothing but cold, gaysers and old people between. Serious advice now, what's the damn error with vacationing in your own state or country anymore, specially when you can't afford much? Goodbye to Dubay - hunt a bear, eat a pancake with some of the fine local maple syrup in a hut somewhere Saskatchewan, why not..

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

I've been keeping track of a suicide response bingo card. My one friend is super mad at me for doing so.

 

[Chockles]

I have no friends left now but one friend told me not to ctb she was praying for me she speaks to god in the bath. When i told her no God would allow me to suffer for decades with my severe physical pain & if God exists I'm sure I'd be forgiven under circumstances for ctb she stopped communicating with me.
Another friend who has ehlers danlos system which I have (amongst other things) insisted she knew how I was feeling gave examples of all my symptoms she has had told me not to be silly things would improve. I've been bed ridden with electrical jolts & choking motor neuron type symptoms for 9 months with no pain relief. I told her time & time again it wasn't my EDS issues & that she still has good days. She stopped communicating too.
My parents are elderly I'm the only child I live with them now as my ex left me when I got really bad, they can see how much I'm suffering. They don't want me to die of course not they are devastated at my demise but accept my need to ctb as don't want to see me suffering anymore. If they can accept it hard tho it is for them to cope why can't my so called friends accept it? The NHS gave up on me years ago. I've been on every medication, every talking therapy. nothing helps yet friends tell me I'm loved & I have to stay alive why it's not like we meet up since I got ill they only chat online. So now I've no friends.
I'll be trying to ctb with N in near future
Support from those on SS in last couple months has been much more helpful to me than years of pointless friendships. I just wish I'd found you all sooner & done something sooner before my life became pure torturous existence.

 

[chloramine]

I used to be able to talk semi regularly with a friend about it. There was a lot of variations on "please don't because it will hurt people" which I don't begrudge. Losing people sucks and wanting to avoid that is normal. Personally I only have a problem with it when it goes from expressing that a decision will impact you to taking away your autonomy to prevent it. I know it's not fun to hear and if people are constantly hounding you with it that's not okay but. Of course it depends on how it's phrased and delivered and other pieces of context, but I wouldn't feel comfortable demonizing a plea not to lose someone. "Thank you for telling me" was another one. I can't offhand list all the other responses and I'm not really in a place where it's safe to look back on that.

We know a lot of the classic are unhelpful if not downright harmful. I think (and really really hope) they come more from a lack of understanding and knowledge than they do from malice. Books, games, shows, etc. all push the idea that if people just get help they'll feel better and be glad they didn't die. Unless you or someone you're close to experiences wanting to die there isn't much exposure on what it's really like. Add in the fact that some people really do get help that's enough and this one narrow vision on the situation gets perpetuated. In reality suicide is more a potential symptom of many possible problems as opposed to being a problem itself.