FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,585
Last year I plunged back into Severe depression and suicidal thoughts because the events of last year. I went from having an amazing new life in 2022 to losing my new beatuiful life in 2023. This is why I ended up back on Sanctioned Suicide, had NONE of the events happened last year I wouldn't be wanting to die again and making plans to kill myself.
Difficult times show us which people in our lives actually care about us and which ones do not. I live in the UK but I was raised with African culture. In African culture families are very collectivist, interventionist and extended family plays an important role in family business.
I have all these aunties, uncles and cousins that are a part of my life and are heavily involved with my family but last year I couldn't phone or talk to ANY of them for comfort. These are the people my mum and grandmother always help with ALL their problems and send money too.
When I got fired from my well paying job a couple of days after my firing my mum said "if auntie X asks how work is going don't tell her about your firing because she will be gloating and telling everyone just say work is fine." This is the relative who dumped her young daughter on my family to look after because she was having numerous problems with her personal life. The daughter is the same as age as me and I couldn't phone her too because she is self centred like the others in the family.
Growing up I loved these 2 cousins who are sisters because I thought they were so cool. My mum let one of the cousins to live with us rent free in our small flat because she wanted to live in the UK. When cousin got a new a big job and moved to neighbouring Scotland cousin completely forget about ALL the help my mum gave her and pretty much saw herself a superior to everyone because she now made it in the UK. I couldn't call her for comfort nope to her our family don't exist nor matter in her bubble. Other cousin I couldn't phone either. This cousin only remembered my family again because she saw my family home as a transit hub for her and husband to stay for the Christmas holidays.
During the summer holidays when my grandmothers wealthy brother from overseas came visiting my family for a couple of days my grandmother said " don't mention your firing or the man ( I got involved with a terrible guy i loved so much and he caused me a lot of pain)."
That year I finally questioned what is the point in having all these uncles, aunties and cousins if I can't go to them for help or just comfort. It made me realise how NONE of my relatives don't care about me and I will never love me the way they love other family members.
I know for a fact if i successfully killed myself these will be the same relatives gossiping about how I always the crazy one.
Difficult times show us which people in our lives actually care about us and which ones do not. I live in the UK but I was raised with African culture. In African culture families are very collectivist, interventionist and extended family plays an important role in family business.
I have all these aunties, uncles and cousins that are a part of my life and are heavily involved with my family but last year I couldn't phone or talk to ANY of them for comfort. These are the people my mum and grandmother always help with ALL their problems and send money too.
When I got fired from my well paying job a couple of days after my firing my mum said "if auntie X asks how work is going don't tell her about your firing because she will be gloating and telling everyone just say work is fine." This is the relative who dumped her young daughter on my family to look after because she was having numerous problems with her personal life. The daughter is the same as age as me and I couldn't phone her too because she is self centred like the others in the family.
Growing up I loved these 2 cousins who are sisters because I thought they were so cool. My mum let one of the cousins to live with us rent free in our small flat because she wanted to live in the UK. When cousin got a new a big job and moved to neighbouring Scotland cousin completely forget about ALL the help my mum gave her and pretty much saw herself a superior to everyone because she now made it in the UK. I couldn't call her for comfort nope to her our family don't exist nor matter in her bubble. Other cousin I couldn't phone either. This cousin only remembered my family again because she saw my family home as a transit hub for her and husband to stay for the Christmas holidays.
During the summer holidays when my grandmothers wealthy brother from overseas came visiting my family for a couple of days my grandmother said " don't mention your firing or the man ( I got involved with a terrible guy i loved so much and he caused me a lot of pain)."
That year I finally questioned what is the point in having all these uncles, aunties and cousins if I can't go to them for help or just comfort. It made me realise how NONE of my relatives don't care about me and I will never love me the way they love other family members.
I know for a fact if i successfully killed myself these will be the same relatives gossiping about how I always the crazy one.
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