When will you be ready to ctb?

[throwaway123]

What does it feel like?

How do you know that you are ready?

What would it take for you to lose your last hope?

How do I make myself "ready to CTB"?

How long did it take for you to become ready?

 

[Trashcan]

When something pushes me over the edge enough. The latest that could happen would be next semester, but I'm guessing this month or next month is the most likely.

 

[Volatile]

I'm about at that point. It's when you feel squeezed on all sides by life. I hate my living situation, my mental illnesses, disconnectedness, and isolation.

Make your life worse if you want to ctb. I'm about to drop all my classes. That'll push me even further

 

[Made4TV]

I don't know. I thought I was ready two weeks ago. Our situation is quite complicated though because we have multiple personalities and we don't always all agree. I still think we will probably end up dead at some point due to suicide. But I don't know when or how we'll know again that it's time. This world is so painful to us but we keep having this little flicker of curiosity about what comes next.

 

[Anon1337]

Probably as soon as I have a plan and materials. I was thinking first half of 2019 but idk if I can wait that long.

 

[Final Escape]

What does it feel like?

How do you know that you are ready?

What would it take for you to lose your last hope?

How do I make myself "ready to CTB"?

How long did it take for you to become ready?

I'll just know. I'd like to have the option of not being forced prematurely by external circumstances. I want to do it when I'm at peace with myself not to get peace by doing it.

 

[lonelykiwi]

I'll know its time to leave once I've made peace with everyone i feel I've wronged, no grudges. Might not be in person but mentally i want that peace.

 

[Going Home]

What does it feel like?

How do you know that you are ready?

What would it take for you to lose your last hope?

How do I make myself "ready to CTB"?

How long did it take for you to become ready?

I'm ready. Already there and will do it once I have all the stuff and find a partner to assist. But I'm def ready to go.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

What does it feel like?

How do you know that you are ready?

What would it take for you to lose your last hope?

How do I make myself "ready to CTB"?

How long did it take for you to become ready?

I have been mentally ready to ktb...for you Ben...for at least 2 decades. I have no fear of dying/of death. I have a sense of resolve, and acceptance. I have waited to have enough money and information to do what must, unfortunately be done. There is, and has not been any hope for 20 years. There is no way that I can overcome what was, and is again. It is this acceptance of inevitability that has made my end possible.

 

[AndyCurious]

I have been mentally ready to ktb...for you Ben...for at least 2 decades. I have no fear of dying/of death. I have a sense of resolve, and acceptance. I have waited to have enough money and information to do what must, unfortunately be done. There is, and has not been any hope for 20 years. There is no way that I can overcome what was, and is again. It is this acceptance of inevitability that has made my end possible.

Sounds a lot like me poof... Much respect, love and hugs your way ♡♡

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Sounds a lot like me poof... Much respect, love and hugs your way ♡♡

Yep...I think we are Andy...very much alike...smile. Hugs and hearts your way...

 

[AndyCurious]

Yep...I think we are Andy...very much alike...smile. Hugs and hearts your way...

Thank you very much, I appreiate you ;-) smile

 

[Mikulal1995]

I find this to a hard-to-answer question. In analyzing the reasons why I'm miserable and want to die I learned that much of it has to do with the fact that I'm forced to do things that I don't want to do, like going to college. Earlier this year I had a horrific manic episode during which I almost died. During my recovery and subsequent hospitalizations one of the primary goals were to get me back to school. My doctors figured getting me back in the classroom was the best way to get me anchored and on track, whatever that means.

So, what I'm trying to get at is that I want to kill myself because I'm stuck in an existence I hate. I wish I could get a full-time job to be able to move out on my own. I wish I had the freedom to watch the movies I want to watch and to read the books I want to read. I yearn to wake up in the morning and feel okay, rested, knowing that I don't have any pressing deadlines or assignments to submit.

Bipolar disorder and college are killing me. I haven't had enough to recover and it's finally caught up to me. My family believes I should be "fine" by now and that everything that goes on with me is an attempt to use my illness to get out of responsibilities. Fuck responsibilities! I keep responsibilities that really matter, like my personal finances, my doctor's appointments, my therapist, et cetera.

I want to die because I'm not brave enough to challenge the system that's killing for fear of ending up homeless (my family) and for fear of a lifetime of poverty (a degree in a shitty field vs. no degree at all). I don't know how much longer I can keep this charade of a life up. It's eating me from the inside out and I can't even get out of bed in the morning. I'm already dead. But I'm too much of a pussy to make my death actually happen.

A strange sense of hope I might break from the system is why I haven't done it yet. But my time is running out.

 

[111aaa]

Mentally I'm ready too, I have nothing left to live for and I want to leave so much but when the noose thigtens on my neck I feel cold fear and panic. Every day my situation getting worse but those scary seconds when it really happen... ubearable. So I practising every day with my rope but it doesn't help I can't get closer to my exit. If I had N or a gun it would be easier I think but I have no choice, hanging or go deeper and deeper in the mud. My only hope left is to accidentally faint while practising.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I find this to a hard-to-answer question. In analyzing the reasons why I'm miserable and want to die I learned that much of it has to do with the fact that I'm forced to do things that I don't want to do, like going to college. Earlier this year I had a horrific manic episode during which I almost died. During my recovery and subsequent hospitalizations one of the primary goals were to get me back to school. My doctors figured getting me back in the classroom was the best way to get me anchored and on track, whatever that means.

So, what I'm trying to get at is that I want to kill myself because I'm stuck in an existence I hate. I wish I could get a full-time job to be able to move out on my own. I wish I had the freedom to watch the movies I want to watch and to read the books I want to read. I yearn to wake up in the morning and feel okay, rested, knowing that I don't have any pressing deadlines or assignments to submit.

Bipolar disorder and college are killing me. I haven't had enough to recover and it's finally caught up to me. My family believes I should be "fine" by now and that everything that goes on with me is an attempt to use my illness to get out of responsibilities. Fuck responsibilities! I keep responsibilities that really matter, like my personal finances, my doctor's appointments, my therapist, et cetera.

I want to die because I'm not brave enough to challenge the system that's killing for fear of ending up homeless (my family) and for fear of a lifetime of poverty (a degree in a shitty field vs. no degree at all). I don't know how much longer I can keep this charade of a life up. It's eating me from the inside out and I can't even get out of bed in the morning. I'm already dead. But I'm too much of a pussy to make my death actually happen.

A strange sense of hope I might break from the system is why I haven't done it yet. But my time is running out.

Lack of control over your own life leads to depression. I strongly expect that no one asked you about going back to school, or whether you might have an alternate plan of action. But it seems to me that you are rebelling. You are pushing back. Perhaps you could vent on paper. Make changes by giving your pen life. There are a number of online papers that would be happy to publish your accounts. Rabble/Rebel/Tyee. Hang in there. See if they will leave you alone to do what you feel you must do by writing. Being a journalist/author should keep them at bay.

 

[samhelloall9]

I'm ready now, I just wish I had the supplies all ready and a reply to the partner sticky mega thread. Other than that, I've been ready for years now.

 

[Rocky M]

I'm ready, but I need to get the timing right this time. That's why I'm waiting until December (amongst other reasons).

I know I'm ready because I don't feel a rush anymore. I feel more at peace than anything else, really. The feelings (or lack thereof) that come with knowing you're ready are different for each person.

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because I'm not an expert on everyone's thoughts and feelings. I think that if you have to question whether or not you're ready, then you're not ready. Even if you have a rush, if you're unsure of whatever or not it will pass, them you still need time.

Compared to others here, the amount of time I've been suicidal for is nothing (a little over 7 years to be exact). Don't try to rush it. You'll get there exactly when you need it.

 

[ctoan]

what does ctb stands for? i mean i know it means suicide by what does it mean exactly

 

[Rocky M]

what does ctb stands for? i mean i know it means suicide by what does it mean exactly

It means "catch the bus". To the best of my knowledge, it's a metaphor for the bus taking you to your final destination (death ) . You'll need a second opinion on this though.

 

[lv-gras]

It means "catch the bus". To the best of my knowledge, it's a metaphor for the bus taking you to your final destination (death ) . You'll need a second opinion on this though.

yes this is basically it.

old slang. also old boards like this used to talk about being like waiting together at a bus stop, being able to talk together while deciding if you want to catch a bus and which one and if you want to.

 

[CentreMid]

I'm not sure yet. I still need to figure out my method. Hopefully I'll think something before the end of this year and then ctb before the middle of next year. I'm still very confused about all of this haha but I'm determined to die, I can assure you that

 

[Mikulal1995]

Lack of control over your own life leads to depression. I strongly expect that no one asked you about going back to school, or whether you might have an alternate plan of action. But it seems to me that you are rebelling. You are pushing back. Perhaps you could vent on paper. Make changes by giving your pen life. There are a number of online papers that would be happy to publish your accounts. Rabble/Rebel/Tyee. Hang in there. See if they will leave you alone to do what you feel you must do by writing. Being a journalist/author should keep them at bay.

I'm going to do exactly that. Thanks for the encouraging words!

 

[Mori]

This question has been on my mind lately. I think the answer must be really personal for different people since we all have different circumstances and personalities. I don't know that I will ever be completely, 100% ok with dying if I'm honest with myself. I can't deny that it scares me, and I'm not very brave.

But I think that difficult life circumstances, relentless pain and bleakness, and practice/becoming more comfortable with methods can get you there.

I think before I would try to plan days to die, and then felt shit when I didn't succeed or stick to the schedule lol. So now I just "practice" (which I know you can't do with all methods) with the hopes that eventually I will push past the point of no return, or feel particularly determined/brave one day. That's what I hope anyway. If you don't succeed, try, try again.

 

[Mori]

I have been mentally ready to ktb...for you Ben...for at least 2 decades. I have no fear of dying/of death. I have a sense of resolve, and acceptance. I have waited to have enough money and information to do what must, unfortunately be done. There is, and has not been any hope for 20 years. There is no way that I can overcome what was, and is again. It is this acceptance of inevitability that has made my end possible.

I'm really envious, I think it must take a lot to have that level of resolve and serenity about it! I hope I can reach that soon

 

[406blue]

What does it feel like?

How do you know that you are ready?

What would it take for you to lose your last hope?

How do I make myself "ready to CTB"?

How long did it take for you to become ready?

I think you don't really know if you're 'ready' until the moment comes when you have to take the pills, put your head in the noose, jump in a tent with CO or whatever it is, before that you just might think you are and may well go and do it but there is a moment of truth that goes beyond theorising about it all. To get 'ready' you need to get to the bottom of the pit, self induced or otherwise and it all becomes obvious. And then you have to do it, which is a different thing, where you find out after all how obvious it really is.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I'm really envious, I think it must take a lot to have that level of resolve and serenity about it! I hope I can reach that soon

Mori forgive me for saying this but the fact remains that if you had gone through, and it continues, the horror I have been forced to live with you would be the same. Frankly it is much better that you have not. I would hope that no one is ever been pushed as hard and as tragically as I have been. EVER!

 

[Mori]

Mori forgive me for saying this but the fact remains that if you had gone through, and it continues, the horror I have been forced to live with you would be the same. Frankly it is much better that you have not. I would hope that no one is ever been pushed as hard and as tragically as I have been. EVER!

You might be right about that. Sorry if that came off as insulting. I suppose I said that because I feel like no matter how much I go through I am not able to see reality and face things with rationality or calm resolve. Even though I could, if I could just focus long enough maybe I could end it with some dignity or peace, and stop giving second chances to a life that has felt like a sadistic conspiracy or some kind of psychological horror, heh. But maybe I will have to go through more of it before I can reach that state mind. or die accidentally.

 

[Roehannta]

What does it feel like?

How do you know that you are ready?

What would it take for you to lose your last hope?

How do I make myself "ready to CTB"?

How long did it take for you to become ready?

I for one have no idea when I will go. I suppose that it will be within 14 days. I need just a couple items. One being a antiemetic which I should be able to acquire from my doctor. Then a hotel room for 2-3 days with a do not disturb sign. I don't know if I'll take my phone with me. I think I'll leave all my instructions in a few files on my phone at my home. The passcode will be on my person at the time of CTB. At least that is my thoughts right at this time. I originally wanted to do a 2 part for security but if got some reason this doesn't work then I'll do the charcoal and overdose at the same time.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

April 27, 2002

 

[eczema]

i'm ready now-i hate feeling empty all the time. i just need a partner and location, because i won't do it in my house.