Venting when will I learn?

[justameatsuit]

my thoughts are so jumbled I feel like I could write a huge post and it wouldn't say anything at all. this is my first post here, so forgive me if I'm doing anything wrong, just let me know how to fix it. my life has been nothing but one step forward, two steps back, every step of the way. constantly trying to better a situation that has already been determined by fate. 10 years ago I tried to ctb and failed , sometimes I wonder if I did live through it or if this is my never-ending hell. I overdosed on a few diff things and my friend convinced me to tell my mom .. hospital didn't even want to help me.. they did nothing and told my whole family I would die... Why didn't anything happen? Why weren't any of my organs damaged? Why did I wake up? Literally just slept it off for 3 days and went to the mental hospital for 2 weeks. I hate that I lived. This is why when I try again I will not OD , since they said I would die and I didn't and I don't have access to the same meds or I'm sure I could get the dosing right. Recently I tried at life.. told myself with a lot of hard work I can have a good life. I was so wrong. I tried to open a business with a partner and she told me she wants to take 100% of the business and I don't even know what I did wrong. I put so much money and time into the shit and let myself dream. When will I learn dreams are not reality?!? Everything I have tried has been a complete failure, business, relationships, friendships, family.. it's all pointless. I worked so hard to be the best in the industry in my area. I live with my family and support them... Not anymore ... Now I'm broke and so depressed I'm turning work away. I know I'll just fail at anything else I try so I've pushed away big opportunities as well. How can I be certain I wont fail again to ctb?

 

[feder]

Wtf is that kind of hospital, that's horrible im sorry. Not every business works out especially with today's economy. Maybe you can try something else? I'm sure if u try with something u have a genuine passion for it will work out. Sending hugs

 

[justameatsuit]

Wtf is that kind of hospital, that's horrible im sorry. Not every business works out especially with today's economy. Maybe you can try something else? I'm sure if u try with something u have a genuine passion for it will work out. Sending hugs

Thank u.. I thought so too.. thing is business hasn't failed.. just me. She will continue the business and probably be successful. I didn't even make it to opening before being thrown away. I always heard if you love what you do you will find success... I had such passion & love for my career but after 7 years of being thrown away, put down, and abused in the industry I just fucking hate it... Thank u for kind words

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

my thoughts are so jumbled I feel like I could write a huge post and it wouldn't say anything at all. this is my first post here, so forgive me if I'm doing anything wrong, just let me know how to fix it. my life has been nothing but one step forward, two steps back, every step of the way. constantly trying to better a situation that has already been determined by fate. 10 years ago I tried to ctb and failed , sometimes I wonder if I did live through it or if this is my never-ending hell. I overdosed on a few diff things and my friend convinced me to tell my mom .. hospital didn't even want to help me.. they did nothing and told my whole family I would die... Why didn't anything happen? Why weren't any of my organs damaged? Why did I wake up? Literally just slept it off for 3 days and went to the mental hospital for 2 weeks. I hate that I lived. This is why when I try again I will not OD , since they said I would die and I didn't and I don't have access to the same meds or I'm sure I could get the dosing right. Recently I tried at life.. told myself with a lot of hard work I can have a good life. I was so wrong. I tried to open a business with a partner and she told me she wants to take 100% of the business and I don't even know what I did wrong. I put so much money and time into the shit and let myself dream. When will I learn dreams are not reality?!? Everything I have tried has been a complete failure, business, relationships, friendships, family.. it's all pointless. I worked so hard to be the best in the industry in my area. I live with my family and support them... Not anymore ... Now I'm broke and so depressed I'm turning work away. I know I'll just fail at anything else I try so I've pushed away big opportunities as well. How can I be certain I wont fail again to ctb?

same here, basically failed at life in every aspect, career and social

 

[justameatsuit]

same here, basically failed at life in every aspect, career and social

so strange how it seems some of us are placed in this world just to fail...but then again there has to be some reference for success to exist... sorry ur feeling the same..

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound very tiring what you've been through and it's true that there is no real relief from suffering in this cruel world but anyway I wish you the best. Failing ctb certainly sounds horrific to me and I hate how difficult it is to finally cease existing.