I have a day's worth journal. It's like a gratitude journal but more fair. Three times per day, at the end of each third, I put a plus (better than nothing), minus (worse than nothing) or tilde (not particularly better or worse than not experiencing anything). I think this way, if that one third was a dream, would I prefer to experience it or have a dreamless sleep instead? At the end of the day I combine the votes to make a final verdict.
I did this for 4 months already.
The last plus was 8 July.
For one thirds there were 5 pluses in total, and only one plus for the whole day, which was 2 July.
I was getting pluses when I played new mods for my favorite video games, and when I started a meditation routine. The day's worth returns to normal on the next day or even the same day, even when continuing doing things I so enjoyed starting. I don't have the resources to try something new every single third of the day.
The rest is filled with even amounts of tildes and minuses. Judging from the journal notes, these four months were not worth experiencing at all, and my life needs a major overhaul for it to be better than nothing.
Obviously the journal so far didn't give me the motivation to either carry out my suicide or make any meaningful attempts at improving my life. Once again I'm coming to a conclusion that reason won't get me anywhere if it's not backed up with the driving force (instincts, emotions).