Venting Life is harder to leave when you have someone to lose.

[Dino_flower]

I'll be very honest. The only reason I'm still here is because I have aspirations. I want to do something with my life even though life wants me dead. I should've died a long time ago if it wasn't for the fact that I wanted to see if I could achieve the things I wanted. I was born into abuse and pain, suffered with it till now without support and I'm expected to carry this on forever because life has taught me that I'm meant to be in pain forever. Still, I come back and find myself trying even though the rate of success is close to zero.

The agony that I'm in is burning my insides and the fact that I don't have words to explain exactly how painful it is to go on living is probably going to end me. I understand why people kill themselves even when they have goals. This world is such a fucked up place that the only solution to its problems is end. The fact that there will be millions of people suffering for no reason or fault, every single day while others enjoy life like they have been rewarded by the universe is enough of a reason for this world to end. There are many things that I want to say about the world being beyond repair but I will spare this thread.

Humans are some of the most resilient creatures and I wish they weren't. I wish we all collectively perished. I myself don't understand how I'm still alive even after dealing with the worst of human nature since birth. I'm not a superstitious person but I truly believe luck is a thing. I have still not been able to pin point one fault of mine or choice in everything that has happened to me. And it keeps happening. Over and over again, especially when I fight against it.

 

[Apathy79]

I'm intrigued what your aspirations are, but understand if you don't want to say.

It makes sense to me to stay alive despite everything if you feel like you have a worthwhile goal in life.