When to know

[rachybee]

I'm curious when to know it's time to go.

I feel it? Actually. I feel past it.

I saw an elderly man today with his walker and I felt like wow. What is the point? Like that's awful of me I know. But like really. Just waiting to die.

I felt so bad. But like I want to go. I'm so so tired and I don't get it. The point ? I'm not sure.

I have a rope. I've watched ctb videos on this. However I have also SN on order. Do I just give in and try the rope. As I already feel I outstayed my welcome.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I tend to feel this too when I see older people. Even people not that much older than me to be honest. People in their 50's starting to really struggle with doing physical jobs. Like- life's shit enough at the moment! I don't want a whole load of pain on top. I hope I can do it before then. As to when we personally know, no idea. I'm guessing it will just feel right maybe.

 

[rachybee]

I tend to feel this too when I see older people. Even people not that much older than me to be honest. People in their 50's starting to really struggle with doing physical jobs. Like- life's shit enough at the moment! I don't want a whole load of pain on top. I hope I can do it before then. As to when we personally know, no idea. I'm guessing it will just feel right maybe.

Yea. I feel so bad thinking it. I can't help it. I look at them and I'm like. What's the actual point. Why are you even breathing. Why am I breathing. It's all pointless.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, to permanently cease existing truly is all I hope for. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[rachybee]

I certainly understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, to permanently cease existing truly is all I hope for. But anyway I wish you the best.

I'm sorry you feel the same way but I'm also glad someone gets it

 

[Nadir]

I feel the same but I imagine some happier people appreciate that they lived so long, or imagine they have people they're grateful for or whatever. I tried gratitude and rewriting my beliefs but its too difficult. The real me comes out and I'm tired of it. The words few want you to say: I give up.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I wish I could grow older happily, but my bipolar brain is attacking me and making every waking moment of my life miserable. I'm in my 40's and the thought of living another 40 years like this is terrifying.

On the flip side I'm surrounded by people who are much older than me and happier than ever. My elderly dad just bought a motorcycle. My elderly step-mom has some health issues, but she made a nice home for herself and she does lots of social activities. My mom is dirt poor and has emphysema, but she still loves to visit friends and family and she's always in a good mood when I talk to her. I envy all of them, but I lost the genetics lottery and suffer from mental illness that kicked me out of the happy club.