abcz
confused with life
- Sep 19, 2023
- 71
My roommate got sick. I'm gonna butcher the spelling so I'm not gonna try to type it out, and she also didn't want me sharing it with others, but when she went to the doctor on Wednesday, she was right below having to go to the hospital for it. Friday she went to the ER because the antibiotics she was taking weren't doing anything. She had also been coughing for a while and she turned out to also have strep throat. Yesterday while I was out she ended up going home to her parents, either cause she wasn't getting better or because she got worse. I don't know. I'm scared for her to die. I feel lonely with that empty bed right next to me. I wish it was me who got sick instead of her. I could have died from it. She could die. I want to ctb and tried doing the string method where you tie knots and pull it through the loop(idk what it is called) and can't get it tight enough. I'm just not good enough. Yes it is kind of impulsive. And I prob would be happiest if someone else killed me. As I think that when I mess things up, it will make people want to kill me. A part of me even feels disappointed when they don't.
