My last attempt was the most determined and the only reason I'm here, writing this now is because of a 100% fluke rescue.It was undoubtedly different from previous attempts.. how??
With the benefit of hindsight, I know that my mindset was on another level. I described it as "the black pit of despair". All those things that would ordinarily nag away at me.. lingering guilt, doubts, worries...I couldn't see any of those in this place. Yeah! No sight of that troublesome SI anywhere.
I was methodical and unwavering. No qualms, second thoughts.
I've since heard others talk about a similar situation.
When people wonder how that individual with everything.. the great job, the dream home, the perfect partner, the beautiful kids...how they could possibly be so selfish as to end their life? This... this is how they can do that.
It's a very particular place on the route between overwhelming clinical depression and wellness. In the depths of depression, there is insufficient motivation to carry out a plan with sufficient complexity as to be successful.
If the mood is elevated even a tiny bit too much, there will be a light in the pit, illuminating all those obstacles to attaining the eternal slumber that was planned.
The state would more technically be described as a disassociative one. Other accounts have likened it to being blinkered.
For this reason, I maintain that instead of scheduling your venture, that the likelihood of a successful outcome will be greater if all the required materials are available, try to keep on top of any responsibilities as they arise and simply wait. The optimal moment will present itself.
I have no memory from that day whatsoever. Not leaving my home, traveling to the secondary location, preparing the method... even giving myself a haircut! But I do remember that at no point did I falter during the process.
If anyone has experienced this phenomenon and would care to share, it would be very much appreciated.
With the benefit of hindsight, I know that my mindset was on another level. I described it as "the black pit of despair". All those things that would ordinarily nag away at me.. lingering guilt, doubts, worries...I couldn't see any of those in this place. Yeah! No sight of that troublesome SI anywhere.
I was methodical and unwavering. No qualms, second thoughts.
I've since heard others talk about a similar situation.
When people wonder how that individual with everything.. the great job, the dream home, the perfect partner, the beautiful kids...how they could possibly be so selfish as to end their life? This... this is how they can do that.
It's a very particular place on the route between overwhelming clinical depression and wellness. In the depths of depression, there is insufficient motivation to carry out a plan with sufficient complexity as to be successful.
If the mood is elevated even a tiny bit too much, there will be a light in the pit, illuminating all those obstacles to attaining the eternal slumber that was planned.
The state would more technically be described as a disassociative one. Other accounts have likened it to being blinkered.
For this reason, I maintain that instead of scheduling your venture, that the likelihood of a successful outcome will be greater if all the required materials are available, try to keep on top of any responsibilities as they arise and simply wait. The optimal moment will present itself.
I have no memory from that day whatsoever. Not leaving my home, traveling to the secondary location, preparing the method... even giving myself a haircut! But I do remember that at no point did I falter during the process.
If anyone has experienced this phenomenon and would care to share, it would be very much appreciated.
