When is it enough?

[Meteora]

Hi
Other people would have killed themselves already ten times in my situation. I m just stupid or coward.
I don't know how much more I have to go through before I finally quit.

Enough? It was enough shit already many years ago. What am I still doing here?

I don't understand myself .

Can anybody relate?

 

[Dizzylady80]

I relate heavily, I've been through so much and live in constant pain and yet for some reason I'm still here. You're not alone in that

 

[Rational man]

Sorry about the awfulness of your situation. Ive asked the same questions but I realise Im not other people. From the narcissistic family I disowned to the illness that is slowly killing me, how much can a person take. Well im still here for now..Im comforted by the thought of impermanence that eventually we all die. ive seen some terrible situations in other people. Life is suffering and.no-one is immune from it !.

 

[Meteora]

I relate heavily, I've been through so much and live in constant pain and yet for some reason I'm still here. You're not alone in that

Thank you. How do you bear it?
And what do you suffer from if I may ask?

From the narcissistic family I disowned to the illness that is slowly killing me, how much can a person take. Well im still here for now..Im comforted by the thought of impermanence that eventually we all die.

My family is very narcissistic, too . May I ask, what illness do you have?

Yes, we will all die. But it is a long way to go to a natural death.

 

[day]

It's different for everyone and we're all able to endure different amounts of suffering before our times come.

I'm sorry the world has been so cruel and disgusting to you OP and I hope you are able to find peace with any decision that you make.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide just isn't straightforward as after all we exist in a world where suicide is purposely made so difficult for people, I don't think that someone is cowardly if they struggle to ctb in this dreadful world. But I understand that it's tiring feeling trapped here, of course I'm also tired of existing, all that has ever appealed to me is permanently being free from all the suffering. Anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Beepvonboop]

Enough? It was enough shit already many years ago. What am I still doing here?

I feel you so hard. It sucks so hard that there's always something that's keeping me here for just few more hours, days, just a month, but ig it's just what makes us human. It's vv normal to delay such a decision

 

[shantyizlit]

I just caved in when it became too much I honestly don't see the point in living a life that is negative
Not to say I haven't battled with self-improvement because I have

 

[Dizzylady80]

Thank you. How do you bear it?
And what do you suffer from if I may ask?

My family is very narcissistic, too . May I ask, what illness do you have?

Yes, we will all die. But it is a long way to go to a natural death.

I suffer from post-herpetic neuralgia, a very painful condition where some of my nerves interpret regular sensation as pain. I've gotten this far because I'm lucky enough to have wonderful friends that help me out, and the fact that I find life beautiful and I don't want to leave it. I'm very conflicted on ctb because of that

 

[Rational man]

Thank you. How do you bear it?
And what do you suffer from if I may ask?

My family is very narcissistic, too . May I ask, what illness do you have?

Yes, we will all die. But it is a long way to go to a natural death.

I have a rare degenerative endocrine condition, for which I have not been officially diagnosed todate but I become ill 2 Weeks after the c19 vax. I have bad pain like neuropathic pain everywhere. Im not suggesting the c19 caused it by the way.

 

[nuke family]

i can indeed relate but not killing yourself doesnt mean you are a coward or pussy. it means that you are strong. no offense to people who would ctb in bad situations trust i would do that rn if i could, but most of the time people are not thinking clearly when they ctb, ik this is generic stuff u have heard 1000 times but u only have 1 life. every second, minute, hour, day and week there are different decisions that can lead you anywhere in life. killing yourself cuts off every single path that you could have taken. sorry for sounding stupid im sleep deprived as always when im on this forum. i just wanted to clarify that you are not a coward.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you are trapped in such an awful situation. You are certainly not a coward. It's so incredibly difficult to ctb. I hope you can find peace!

 

[Meteora]

I have a rare degenerative endocrine condition, for which I have not been officially diagnosed todate but I become ill 2 Weeks after the c19 vax. I have bad pain like neuropathic pain everywhere. Im not suggesting the c19 caused it by the way.

I m very sorry to hear.
If not the vaccination caused it why is it then?

i can indeed relate but not killing yourself doesnt mean you are a coward or pussy. it means that you are strong. no offense to people who would ctb in bad situations trust i would do that rn if i could, but most of the time people are not thinking clearly when they ctb, ik this is generic stuff u have heard 1000 times but u only have 1 life. every second, minute, hour, day and week there are different decisions that can lead you anywhere in life. killing yourself cuts off every single path that you could have taken. sorry for sounding stupid im sleep deprived as always when im on this forum. i just wanted to clarify that you are not a coward.

Its so true what you say. But what if there are so many problems each day, so much injustice that you give up on yourself?

I'm sorry you are trapped in such an awful situation. You are certainly not a coward. It's so incredibly difficult to ctb. I hope you can find peace!

Thank you....

 

[illAF]

Hi
Other people would have killed themselves already ten times in my situation. I m just stupid or coward.
I don't know how much more I have to go through before I finally quit.

Enough? It was enough shit already many years ago. What am I still doing here?

I don't understand myself .

Can anybody relate?

I feel you so so so much. Like, I really can't take it anymore. Really can't. But incapable to CTB. Completely stuck. It's awful.

 

[Meteora]

Still here.
Or here again.
Good times last a few days.
Or hours.
Always end up here again.
How long should I still do this?

 

[Xaeniak]

I don't think it's stupid or cowardly not to kill yourself; I think there's real psychological blocks people have that can prevent them from going through with it. Have you heard of internal family systems therapy? I recently started reading up on it, and I feel like it might be how I can overcome some of those blocks in myself.

 

[Meteora]

@Xaeniak Hm. To be honest, I gave up on believing in therapy. I did so many different things, different types of therapies. .. nothing really worked out.
I have had a very rough early childhood. Neclect. Dont think there's a cure for it. People like me are predestined to kulling themselves.

 

[Xaeniak]

@Xaeniak Hm. To be honest, I gave up on believing in therapy. I did so many different things, different types of therapies. .. nothing really worked out.
I have had a very rough early childhood. Neclect. Dont think there's a cure for it. People like me are predestined to kulling themselves.

I feel you; I didn't have the best childhood, either.

I've largely given up on therapy actually helping with the depression, but if you look at it right, it might work to help you figure out why you can't bring yourself to kill yourself, and eventually move passed it. If you think of ctb as something you find scary and hard to do, there's lots in therapy books about getting more comfortable with that sort of thing and eventually working up the will to do the scary thing

 

[sash]

I have lived with thoughts plans of suicide regularly for decades. Attempted a coupla times, clearly didn't work :) I thought I was a coward for not doing it. But we are human with a strong survival instinct. Hope is inside us even when all feels hopeless.
It is a final act and you need to be sure it is the last option. If/when you are sure, then you will.
I have come to peace now. I have finally lost all hope, but it took decades.

 

[Meteora]

I feel you; I didn't have the best childhood, either.

I've largely given up on therapy actually helping with the depression, but if you look at it right, it might work to help you figure out why you can't bring yourself to kill yourself, and eventually move passed it. If you think of ctb as something you find scary and hard to do, there's lots in therapy books about getting more comfortable with that sort of thing and eventually working up the will to do the scary thing

I m sorry to hear....

I think, I have to "just" do it. In a moment of desperation. Impulsively.
I think there s this survival instinct that can be strong in us.

 

[Xaeniak]

I m sorry to hear....

I think, I have to "just" do it. In a moment of desperation. Impulsively.
I think there s this survival instinct that can be strong in us.

100% agree. Trouble with impulsivity is it lowers your odds of success. That's why I'm hoping IFS can get me to a point where I'm able to do it deliberately, with adequate planning and care. I can give you a quick run-down on IFS if interested, but don't want to be another guy shoving resources at you you don't want, lol

 

[Meteora]

It is a final act and you need to be sure it is the last option. If/when you are sure, then you will.
I have come to peace now. I have finally lost all hope, but it took decades.

Yeah it takes time, it is a process. I notice that, too.
The hard thing is, my disorder makes me very very instable emotionally,meaning I can change my mind easily.

100% agree. Trouble with impulsivity is it lowers your odds of success. That's why I'm hoping IFS can get me to a point where I'm able to do it deliberately, with adequate planning and care. I can give you a quick run-down on IFS if interested, but don't want to be another guy shoving resources at you you don't want, lol

I want to plan everything carefully, will have things ready. write down my last will.

 

[sash]

Yeah it takes time, it is a process. I notice that, too.
The hard thing is, my disorder makes me very very instable emotionally,meanig I cant change my mind easily.

Oh I plan everything carefully, will have things ready. Even write down my last will.

Hi. But you haven't taken the final step as of yet, yes you're preparing, same here, that is good, that is a stable mind. If/when you are truly ready on that day you will not need to change your mind.
I understand you're unstable emotionally but you Astrum are deep down in control of your mind or you would've done it before now on an impulse. Its a positive thing.
I'm so sorry, I cant always get my tone and words right in typing, but I mean it in a good way.

 

[Meteora]

Hi. But you haven't taken the final step as of yet, yes you're preparing, same here, that is good, that is a stable mind. If/when you are truly ready on that day you will not need to change your mind.
I understand you're unstable emotionally but you Astrum are deep down in control of your mind or you would've done it before now on an impulse. Its a positive thing.
I'm so sorry, I cant always get my tone and words right in typing, but I mean it in a good way.

Well, I attempted a few times but it was to impulsiv and therefore didnt work.

Yeah I guess we ll know when the time is right.

No worries, I understand what you mean.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Hi
Other people would have killed themselves already ten times in my situation. I m just stupid or coward.
I don't know how much more I have to go through before I finally quit.

Enough? It was enough shit already many years ago. What am I still doing here?

I don't understand myself .

Can anybody relate?

This perfectly sums up my situation.... I don't even think it's cowardice but something else. I think I became used to being miserable honestly. Like I somehow I'm so miserable I forgot how miserable I really am.... I couldn't tell you why I am still here. I think it maybe some depression honestly. Like I am too depressed to workout the minor logistics issues that are present. That said I don't have the will power to deal with this misery much longer. I'm at my breaking point. I also don't to reach the point where I direct all my pain and misery though deserved by the world outward... It's just better all around for it being directed inward so I can find peace... So yes I relate.

 

[Meteora]

I think I became used to being miserable honestly.

That happened to me as well. Think it is so horrible. Thats one reason it feels like cowardice. I told myself, dont let them cross certain boundaries. Never. But I couldnt protect myself. Still cant.

 

[brokeandbroken]

That happened to me as well. Think it is so horrible. Thats one reason it feels like cowardice. I told myself, dont let them cross certain boundaries. Never. But I couldnt protect myself. Still cant.

Yeah I know it feels. Sorry that that happened to you.

 

[dragontale14]

I relate so hard to this. It's fucking "hope"... a complete fraud of an idea. It's the thing that got me out of bed and to school every day since my first attempt, and then every day after my last one. I don't have any more hope left, though. I hate hope. I'd be gone by now without it.

 

[Xaeniak]

I relate so hard to this. It's fucking "hope"... a complete fraud of an idea. It's the thing that got me out of bed and to school every day since my first attempt, and then every day after my last one. I don't have any more hope left, though. I hate hope. I'd be gone by now without it.

Gods, I feel you on that. All the pro-hope media in our society has always stuck in my craw; I'd rather be hopeless and pleasantly surprised when things go right, rather than constantly disappointed by dashed hopes

 

[dragontale14]

Gods, I feel you on that. All the pro-hope media in our society has always stuck in my craw; I'd rather be hopeless and pleasantly surprised when things go right, rather than constantly disappointed by dashed hopes

I guess that'd the trick, to see through it like that movie with the sunglasses and the wrestler lmao. My mother is a devout Christian and my dad used to be big into self help, so they're all about hope. I wish they weren't, maybe then it wouldn't be so hard to leave them :(