Venting When is enough enough? I feel like I'm at a crossroad

[snunu]

Hey everyone, this is my first post on this site I'd just like to hear what some ppl may have to say about my situation before I make a final decision.

I've had depression for a couple of years now but it's never been this bad. It has gotten in the way of every aspect of my life. I've exhausted every "help" option available for me. I've been to therapy, I'm on medication, I've tried so many things to help myself just making an honest effort to feel better but I always end up here, feeling worse than before. I'm starting to think that it's too late for me. I've fallen behind in college, my job is draining, I lost all passion for everything, and I feel completely alone. But it's not the type of solitude where I could have peace of mind. No, ik I got ppl who supposedly care about me even though they never make an effort to understand me, ppl who want the nest for me but they don't realize that what they want isn't what I want, I have ppl in my life who constantly remind me of the failure I've become. I have no peace of mind and I feel lonelier than ever.

I've gotten the "it always gets better" and the "only you can help yourself" (as I didn't know that) from my parents. I'm Caribbean and mental health is pretty stigmatized still in our culture, so on one hand I want to understand how they see it but I never get the same in return nobody wants to understand me.

Now I'd like to turn the question to some of yall, is it too late for me? I'm 21 but I'm lost af I don't see things getting better for me. Is there anything I'm missing? What else can I even do to help myself? I'd like to hear different perspectives before I make my final decision on my life. Thank you.

 

[UKscotty]

It's enough when you say it's enough is really the answer.

Some people fight on through depression into their 90s, some kids and teens hang themselves.

Only we can determine how much suffering we want.

Good luck whatever you decide and welcome.

 

[Helvete]

If you genuinely are still looking for ways you can help yourself, maybe think of your top interests and the things you have even a little bit of fun doing and try to expand greatly on those. If you like plants try gardening, like food try cooking, like games try streaming. At least it can provide something to fill time and give distraction.

 

[snunu]

If you genuinely are still looking for ways you can help yourself, maybe think of your top interests and the things you have even a little bit of fun doing and try to expand greatly on those. If you like plants try gardening, like food try cooking, like games try streaming. At least it can provide something to fill time and give distraction.

Only thing i scarcely enjoy are listening to music and videogames. I try to distract myself but it only lasts so much before I sink deeper. But yea at least for now these are the only things I enjoy in my free time.

It's enough when you say it's enough is really the answer.

Some people fight on through depression into their 90s, some kids and teens hang themselves.

Only we can determine how much suffering we want.

Good luck whatever you decide and welcome.

Yea that's true. Ig I'm just too indecisive, idk what I want.

 

[Helvete]

You should expand upon those hobbies then if you are starting to enjoy these things less. If you like listening to music, maybe get fl studio and play around and try to learn a new talent, or start streaming when you game. Who knows, you can meet some awesome people doing both of those

 

[snunu]

You should expand upon those hobbies then if you are starting to enjoy these things less. If you like listening to music, maybe get fl studio and play around and try to learn a new talent, or start streaming when you game. Who knows, you can meet some awesome people doing both of those

Thanks for the advice! In terms of expanding my hobbies I did try to learn about game development before but as I've said before I lost all passion for it, while I do find myself daydreaming about creating something as cool as the stuff I like I have no energy for it, which is why I just consume it, it's easy lol. Regardless I appreciate the advice. I'll see what I can work out.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

While it's not required, I really think people should wait until their brain has fully developed before choosing to ctb. So about 25-ish. You definitely want to see if the problems you're dealing with are long-term, or if there's a way to work through them. With time, you'll have a better picture about your overall life and if it's what you really want.

I first thought about killing myself about 8 years ago. I knew I was young, so I figured there was no harm in waiting things out and working my ass off in the hopes my life would get better. It hasn't. I still don't see it getting better, even in the next 5-10 years. I now have the evidence of my past, all the work I put in, and the ability to reasonably project what my life will be like in the future. So I can feel confident in my choice to leave.

 

[snunu]

You should expand upon those hobbies then if you are starting to enjoy these things less. If you like listening to music, maybe get fl studio and play around and try to learn a new talent, or start streaming when you game. Who knows, you can meet some awesome people doing both of those

Thanks for the advice! In terms of expanding my hobbies I did try to learn about game development before but as I've said before I lost all passion for it, while I do find myself daydreaming about creating something as cool as the stuff I like I have no energy for it, which is why I just consume it, it's easy lol. Regardless I appreciate the advice. I'll see what I can work out.

While it's not required, I really think people should wait until their brain has fully developed before choosing to ctb. So about 25-ish. You definitely want to see if the problems you're dealing with are long-term, or if there's a way to work through them. With time, you'll have a better picture about your overall life and if it's what you really want.

I first thought about killing myself about 8 years ago. I knew I was young, so I figured there was no harm in waiting things out and working my ass off in the hopes my life would get better. It hasn't. I still don't see it getting better, even in the next 5-10 years. I now have the evidence of my past, all the work I put in, and the ability to reasonably project what my life will be like in the future. So I can feel confident in my choice to leave.

I get wym, but I would've liked to have a sense of direction by now it feels like I'm just wasting away with no purpose. I can't see myself being 22 with the same issues let alone 25. If things are supposed to get better I hope it finally does soon. I'm sorry to hear things haven't turned out well for you either, my word must not mean much but I truly hope you can find peace in your life . If you ever need someone to vent I'll gladly listen.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Have you tried excercise? At 21, I would say that you still probably have enough energy and plenty of years left to try and make something of yourself. If you get into your 30s and not much has changed, then I would consider CTB. Whatever you do, end it before the age of 40 for sure, if you're still in the same situation 20 years from now.

 

[snunu]

Have you tried excercise? At 21, I would say that you still probably have enough energy and plenty of years left to try and make something of yourself. If you get into your 30s and not much has changed, then I would consider CTB. Whatever you do, end it before the age of 40 for sure, if you're still in the same situation 20 years from now.

Yes I have! it's the reason why I'm pretty fit today. Although in the past I used to exercise more often, I exercise semi regularly still and my commutes keep me active since I walk everywhere. I used to be a little overweight a couple years ago and decided to change my diet and how active I became, it's probably the only thing in my life that I've been able to consistently see positive results for.

I would definitely not like to be here by 30 if nothing has changed lol.