when i think i'm smiling, i look neutral at best

[xXSufferingXx]

i've often tried for example watching a funny youtube video or whatever and laughing or smiling at a joke in the video,
and then i happen to look in my mirror as i'm laughing,
and i get surprised at what i see in the mirror.
because i feel like i'm doing a big laugh, but it will only look like a vague smile.
it's weird.

i don't know what causes this, but it pisses me off.
i've been told many times i have "sad eyes" lol.

it obviously has to do with having had a rough life and a lot of bad things happen to me.
so now, when i think i'm laughing; in the mirror it looks like a vague smile at best.

in other words, it's almost like my facial expressions don't fully match what i feel.
even if i genuinely laugh at a joke i genuinely enjoyed.
i look in the mirror, and i look only half amused at the joke.

anyone else?

it's almost like i'm being told (by god or whatever):
"yeah that was a funny joke you heard, but don't you dare look too happy about that joke, because you know i'm coming to ruin your day later,
so don't get too used to all this happy shit"

 

[yearned]

faces are weird, not everybody emotes in the same way. why do you think you emote in this specific way?

 

[xXSufferingXx]

faces are weird, not everybody emotes in the same way. why do you think you emote in this specific way?

im not sure. i was watching a video today of a person i really like,
and i was doing what i thought was a wholesome smile.
almost like a proud parent at a school gathering.
that's what i thought my face was showing, until i looked in the mirror, and i saw this "half smile" that looked more like the reaction to an idiotic joke told to me by a drunk at a trashy bar at 2 AM.

i just think that even when i'm happy, it's like a part of me remembers not to get too comfy, because life will always be around the corner to beat me up more

 

[yearned]

im not sure. i was watching a video today of a person i really like,
and i was doing what i thought was a wholesome smile.
almost like a proud parent at a school gathering.
that's what i thought my face was showing, until i looked in the mirror, and i saw this "half smile" that looked more like the reaction to an idiotic joke told to me by a drunk at a trashy bar at 2 AM.

i just think that even when i'm happy, it's like a part of me remembers not to get too comfy, because life will always be around the corner to beat me up more

do you have an issue with this? it doesn't sound like that much of a problem, maybe you're just autistic or something. maybe you are just depressed and traumatized ! maybe both

 

[xXSufferingXx]

do you have an issue with this? it doesn't sound like that much of a problem, maybe you're just autistic or something. maybe you are just depressed and traumatized ! maybe both

both i think lol.
also i've heard of something called shell shock, its this blank stare that soliders get after seeing brutal stuff in war