when i die, i want go in my favorite shirt

[suicidalloser]

its not cursed—i am.
i know i sound like a broken record, but i just want to die already. it was my own fault for getting my SN dumped; now there's no more, no more sources. this is what i get for not suiciding already, and continue to burden others; dying death's slow departure: Aging—forced to remain in poverty and chronic pain.
too many chances to have blown it, i did this to myself. at least i can recognize it and accept it. the pain, doesn't mean it's tolerable in any degree.
people even here make friends, connections, hold conversations; i can't relate to that.

i keep coming back to this site because there's no other place for me to go. i know i'm like an annoying little fly that won't buzz off. can anyone see how burdening this is?
the important question is: i don't know what to do about it. i'm such an idiot i know. existential dread in itself is agonizing. being a burden is a contagious plague of unsolicited pain permeated to other people.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

In the meantime while you figure out what your next moves are, just hang around here and commiserate with the rest of us. Nothing wrong with that. And by all means, wear whatever shirt you want.

 

[HighFlight]

Sorry things aren't going as planned. When its time, wear whatever you'd like. If you want to wear that shirt, then I think it's perfect.

And in the meantime, hang around here with the rest of us. The short time I've been involved, I have been impacted by the conversations, raw emotion, and support of each other. Maybe not friendships or connections like other places - in many ways, even better.

Hoping you find an end for your pain and the peace you deserve.

 

[suicidalloser]

In the meantime while you figure out what your next moves are, just hang around here and commiserate with the rest of us. Nothing wrong with that. And by all means, wear whatever shirt you want.

so i'm not stupid for not dying before hand, making a goodbye post and all that?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

so i'm not stupid for not dying before hand, making a goodbye post and all that?

I don't consider that stupid. Really, seemed like just bad fate. I guess the only thing you can do now is take a breath, reset, and decide what your next move is. Could have happened to anyone. I wouldn't beat myself up over it. Neither should you, imo.

 

[suicidalloser]

I don't consider that stupid. Really, seemed like just bad fate. I guess the only thing you can do now is take a breath, reset, and decide what your next move is. Could have happened to anyone. I wouldn't beat myself up over it. Neither should you, imo.

I'm trying to die not live. i don't want anymore breaths to take, or resets/rests. i self harm in hopes i die from it.
being realistic about others feels about me is what i'm told to do, is that not true?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm trying to die not live. i don't want anymore breaths to take, or resets/rests. i self harm in hopes i die from it.
being realistic about others feels about me is what i'm told to do, is that not true?

When I said "decide on what your next move is", that was meant that you should decide, or figure out, since your SN was dumped, how you can now take yourself out of your situation, possibly with a new method.

 

[suicidalloser]

When I said "decide on what your next move is", that was meant that you should decide, or figure out, since your SN was dumped, how you can now take yourself out of your situation, possibly with a new method.

I guess carbon monoxide is much unreliable as cutting and night-night.
firearms, not here, not that i could

there's no more source for SN: IC, gone, CCS, gone
no secure objects for hanging or even partial hanging
all the other drugs, , don't know who/where to get it from legitimately if i could

so when i'm asked why won't i die', its because of reasons also these.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I guess carbon monoxide is much unreliable as cutting and night-night.
firearms, not here, not that i could

You would be wrong for thinking that. Not a new thought. Unoriginal.

but i just want to die already.

So, what do you want to do?

 

[suicidalloser]

You would be wrong for thinking that. Not a new thought. Unoriginal.

So, what do you want to do?

stop it, its hard enough already