It will take approximately one month (hoping before then) for my way to CTB will accomplish my goal. Hopefully it will happen before. I believe I have the perfect way (non painful) and peaceful way to go. I'm soooo looking forward to it. There are so many people who are so cruel to each other. "This world was never meant for one as beautiful as me." So true. I have a heart bigger than the world and have helped so many people. Ironically, the kindness has never been returned. Life takes too much effort at this point in time.
It's so true I think the kindest and best people are here. The world needs more good people but then it seems all your good deeds are wasted on crappy people who take advantage of it for their ends and throw it away. It's hard to live in this cruel world when you have a good heart. This world is a literal hell.
I was so ready to die before and made an attempt in an emotional moment and now for some reason logically looking everything up and thinking about it, so much is going on for me. I want to CTB after I get back from a trip in October I had planned a while back.
I keep having existential dread like how do I know dying is going to be better for me? What if it ends up being worse? What if there is no escape? What if I'm trapped in another nightmare? What if there's nothing I can do to make the pain go away?
My energy is also so low it's hard to think of getting up the energy to die. It seems simple but requires a lot of mental fortitude and mental energy I just don't even have.
Now I have all these struggles but it was so simple when I was emotional and fighting with my now ex and went to jump off a cliff.
Now I just have all these fears and thoughts holding me back. I just feel lost and don't know what to do