Anybody else functionally suicidal?

[hang in there]

I used to be a rock. Actually I was a machine until they forced me to see my pieces. Of course I had developed severe PTSD being this rock. At some point you just are like "why am I holding all this in"?

>At some point you just are like "why am I holding all this in"?
The machine cannot afford to stop for maintenance. If it stops it will break apart. It chugs along rusted and creaking and dropping bits of metal and perhaps some important parts but it has to keep going. There is no alternative or replacement for it and far too many depend on its constant function to even consider taking a wrench to the loose bolts.

 

[sleepy_redcar]

I wasn't but I am now, I had a period of recovery I guess but I'm now a functioning member of society - at least on the surface.
It's annoying because even when I have no tangible reason to be suicidal it keeps coming back and no matter how much I try to keep going I do honestly think my life will end by my own hand.

This is so real, it's like after that first attempt and if you've had that mindset for long it never really goes away, you deal with it better, but it's your mind versus you