Anybody else functionally suicidal?

[sleepy_redcar]

I wasn't but I am now, I had a period of recovery I guess but I'm now a functioning member of society - at least on the surface.
It's annoying because even when I have no tangible reason to be suicidal it keeps coming back and no matter how much I try to keep going I do honestly think my life will end by my own hand.

This is so real, it's like after that first attempt and if you've had that mindset for long it never really goes away, you deal with it better, but it's your mind versus you