Venting When did you lost last hope? From passive to active suicidal thoughts

[curiousbeing]

When did you realize it? Or, what happened at your life that was last straw for you ? Chronic Illness ? Unemployment ? As for me , it's loneliness.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I lost all hope when I made my account here. Big failure in life and as follows financial issues.
Situation didn't become worse rather stabilized and currently doesn't look too bad that's why I'm still here and I haven't attempted.

 

[curiousbeing]

I lost all hope when I made my account here. Big failure in life and as follows financial issues.
Situation didn't become worse rather stabilized and currently doesn't look too bad that's why I'm still here and I haven't attempted.

It may be a bit self - centered to write this , but I remember you . You always either liked my posts or wrote your replies . Even during my serious ctb attempt last year. You always were here. Thank you so much , it means a lot to me.

SASU is only place we can be vulnerable without getting called names or made fun of or getting pitied. But what makes SaSu such a place is great people like you .

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It may be a bit self - centered to write this , but I remember you . You always either liked my posts or wrote your replies . Even during my serious ctb attempt last year. You always were here. Thank you so much , it means a lot to me.

SASU is only place we can be vulnerable without getting called names or made fun of or getting pitied. But what makes SaSu such a place is great people like you .

idk what to say

 

[curiousbeing]

idk what to say

I mean it. You only recognize the good when you have seen the bad. After seeing bad people , you recognize how rare good people are . You stop taking kindness , care , understanding , empathy for granted. You realize it. I feel grateful .
Sasu is only place where one can be vulnerable , show emotions without getting called useless , man child , coward , crybaby , attention seeker , energy draining vampire , always complaining ungrateful person , etc.

idk what to say

I have seen so many bad people. Some people intentionally allow you to be vulnerable only to cut you off when they decide you are boring or you are too much or when they simply feel like it

Although I never done it , but if I did the same to them , they would immediately label me narcissistic , self - centered , betraying , full of himself etc
But all these years , you liked / posted replies.

In the past I took it for granted , but now I realize how valuable it is!!!

SaSu is only place we are allowed to be ourselves !

 

[darksouls]

I am severely disabled and suffer from many chronic illnesses,
my female dog left me in 2020,
she was my only friend,
in 2023 I ended up in intensive care unit with sepsis,
since then I am very weak,
I am isolated and lonely,
everything is meaningless to me,
my time is up,
this existence is only suffer for me,
I am rotting away in loneliness and in the end I will die alone

 

[Macedonian1987]

I lost all hope when on top of my autism and lifelong loneliness , chronic pain decided to join the party.

I am severely disabled and suffer from many chronic illnesses,
my female dog left me in 2020,
she was my only friend,
in 2023 I ended up in intensive care unit with sepsis,
since then I am very weak,
I am isolated and lonely,
everything is meaningless to me,
my time is up,
this existence is only suffer for me,
I am rotting away in loneliness and in the end I will die alone

I'm so sorry that you are suffering so much :(

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had a few active suicidal phases in life. I've had at least passive ideation from the age of ten. (I'm 46 now.) In terms of losing hope though- that's been over the past few years. Up until then, being creative was my main coping mechanism and did a good job of keeping me afloat.

My active ideation periods have tended to coincide with when my creative job has been under threat. Now though, most of my passion has gone. So, everything just feels like a chore.

I still feel stuck here though- while I wait for my Dad to go first. Hence why I haven't attempted yet.

 

[VanillaCake]

First memory of passive suicidal ideations was at 8yo (it's crazy how so many of us start developing such thoughts so early, kinda sad too). I became actively suicidal in 2021, mainly because of unemployment and did attempt but failed (PSH). Went back to feeling passively suicidal with periods of improvement for a few years. Now back to active suicidal ideations and I'm starting to lose hope. Feels like this is all there is to life for me and it's getting tiring

I've had a few active suicidal phases in life. I've had at least passive ideation from the age of ten. (I'm 46 now.) In terms of losing hope though- that's been over the past few years. Up until then, being creative was my main coping mechanism and did a good job of keeping me afloat.

My active ideation periods have tended to coincide with when my creative job has been under threat. Now though, most of my passion has gone. So, everything just feels like a chore.

I still feel stuck here though- while I wait for my Dad to go first. Hence why I haven't attempted yet.

Very relatable, having family you care for is both a blessing and a curse I feel like

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I'd personally never be able to understand how something as torturous and dreadful as existence could be described as hopeful, to suffer in this existence is an abomination and what is so terrible is how humans choose to impose this existence in the first place and cause all this harm and suffering as a result with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, to suffer in this existence will just always be the most terrible mistake to me.

I'd just never wish to be conscious of anything at all, I'll just always see existence as the problem, and to be burdened with this existence of dreadful, futile suffering will always feel like the most terrible undeserved punishment. I find it so horrible how the torture of being burdened with this existence can continue for decades longer just for one to face the terrible extreme agony of old age, for me only non-existence could ever be positive, only in non-existence will I finally be at peace from this existence that should never be imposed, I'll always wish to cease existing and simply just existing is enough to make me wish for peace.

 

[curiousbeing]

in 2023 I ended up in intensive care unit with sepsis,

May I ask what happened ? I read that sepsis is dangerous , but never experienced it

 

[darksouls]

May I ask what happened ? I read that sepsis is dangerous , but never experienced it

the sepsis was caused by medical negligence,
I had an internal infection,
the doctors treated me like a subhuman,
they did not help me

 

[Joarga]

¿Cuándo te diste cuenta? ¿O qué fue lo que te hizo llegar al límite? ¿Una enfermedad crónica? ¿El desempleo? En mi caso, fue la soledad.

Idem

 

[curiousbeing]

I am rotting away in loneliness

lifelong loneliness

unemployment

Me too. Having low paying jobs and loneliness. My biggest mistake was that I made friends outside SaSu. Learned the hard way that I should be here, only people here are understanding . Others don't care

the sepsis was caused by medical negligence,
I had an internal infection,
the doctors treated me like a subhuman,
they did not help me

I caught illness after surgery. It was infection. Holier than thou attitude doctors !!!

I still feel stuck here though- while I wait for my Dad to go first.

When my suicidal thoughts are active , I no longer can care for abandoning parents. I distract myself and live as much as I can

Now back to active suicidal ideations and I'm starting to lose hope. Feels like this is all there is to life for me and it's getting tiring

So relatable !!!

 

[charlieee]

When did you realize it? Or, what happened at your life that was last straw for you ? Chronic Illness ? Unemployment ? As for me , it's loneliness.

My last straw was when I realized that I actually couldn't manage to graduate from the university that I have been dreaming of my whole teenage years. It's the only hope that I had, and it crumbled in my hands after trying multiple times.
Like fuck this shit I am not gonna keep on pushing for something that simply doesn't want to happen.

 

[ConstantPain]

Losing all hope of anything getting better. Everytime I've gone from suicidal ideation to being actively suicidal it's because life smacks me in the head and knocks out any hope I had for a better future.