Discussion When did you first start considering suicide?

[Never Free]

As for me, it was when I was 13. I'm 16 now.

What about you?

I was so young that I don't know if it could be considered suicide, because my logic was so underdeveloped. I knew instinctively I was a afraid to jump off high things from pain. I wondered if I jumped off of a building if I would die right after jumping, or some force would push me back up like a video game. I saw lion king, and thought it would be similar to Mufasa's fall. I basically thought I could lean out of a window and trick my brain into thinking I was reaching for something, close my eyes and fall to my death. I was 3 almost 4 I think. I didn't know anyone else wanted to die. I also didn't know if it was legal. I just heard of others wanting to kill other people. I did know other people were generally afraid, of death. I knew being different often meant people don't understand, or accept. I didn't think they'd understand or accept. I was kind of right.

I can't remember ever being non-suicidal.

I kind of remember. Not too long after I considered death I transitioned into it. like 3 almost 4 I think.

 

[AhG]

Little bit after my wife left me.

 

[CornerE]

I was 13. I ate some graphite from a pencil. Didn't realize modern day pencils don't contain lead. I wanted to go by lead poisoning.

I tried that too in one of my first tries to ctb .
back then , I believed the mainstream claim that "there's nothing easier than killing yourself" and that many chemicals available out there are "VERY POISONOUS" and big hazards and you just have to pick one , ingest enough of it and you're gone before you know it .

11 years later , I'm now certain that 98% of the things coming out of people's mouth is lying , bluffing , scams and false promises .
specially pharmaceutical co. and doctors .

many drugs out their are claimed to be lethal in over doses
that was supported by loads of media stories about getting people killed via accidently shifting up the dose (nurses/doctors faults )

None of that happened .

people first invented language for communication , they now basically use it for lying just to screw each others over.

don't believe everything you hear or read .

If it was "wrong," then why were the grown ups in charge of everything allowing it to keep happening? I just wanted off this f*cking planet. And I have never stopped wanting death since then.

I am really sorry you had to go through that .
that's the main reason I wanna break out of that planet for good .

I started experiencing pulling in my last 2 years in college and it never ended till now .

I don't know what exactly has changed that made me a target for bullying ever since .

my colleagues, my roommates and even my family .

my family never tried to hurt me that bad before (except my jerky brother).
home was my safe refuge , then all of the sudden , it's a hell-like nasty prison where I get abused and I was no longer safe with them to that day .

I kept asking the same questions I quoted from you ⬆

the only answer I figured out is that most people feel related to the bullies and by protecting them they are protecting/defending themselves in a way , since they share so much in common with those bullies.
in a world where every bad behavior is banned or get punished , they are screwed too .

 

[color_me_gone]

Little bit after my wife left me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

When I was 14, I will always remember telling myself I didn't want to live to see my 15th birthday. Of course I did, and now I'm 25.

 

[21Neberg]

I remember being 14 and seeking help from a therapist. I was really a pussy back then - my self harm barely caused any scars and I didn't plan or attempt anything like now. Though I'm still a pussy right now.

 

[ZiggyStardust]

I remember wrapping the belt of a dressing gown very tightly around my neck with the intention to CTB when I was about 5 or 6 - SI kicked in. Then OD with old style sleeping pills when I was 10.

 

[kyleq16]

I remember being 14 and seeking help from a therapist. I was really a pussy back then - my self harm barely caused any scars and I didn't plan or attempt anything like now. Though I'm still a pussy right now.

when I die I kinda hope heaven exists so I can meet Lil peep, X and all the people we have lost

 

[Livinginhell]

I'm not sure when I first seriously considered ctb, my first attempt when I was 18/19. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14, although my gran says she reckons I was 10.

 

[Mort]

Its all ways sort of bin they from a young age 11 or so . But as time move on that little voice is got lowered and lowered to the point now were it blocks all most all my thoughts. But as i have said in a another post i bin given a way out . So that voice in my head is going down make sure that little shit is gone bin a monkey on my back for years. Poisoning ever good thing i done turning ever good memories so crap. Roll on the die i die

 

[esclava]

I was 8 and already tired of life

 

[BACONF]

When I was 13. My mother just make me feel unwanted and ugly.

 

[WOODESITY]

First I started thinking about suicide when I was 16 now 22 and hopefully I'm just make my dream come true, somehow, someday... back in time almost any medication was accessible without prescription, I think I'll just distance myself from everyone I know and then go somewhere in deep forest and overdose on alcohol, or maybe tonight by hypothermia..

 

[Partial-Elf]

First felt suicidal at 16 and have had at least one intense bout of suicidal ideation every year since. Often more.

First experimented casually with hanging at 22, then systematically at 24 (current age).

 

[Maravillosa]

I first felt suicidal at age 16 and tried to hang myself: SI kicked in, however. But when I was 13, 14 years old I would fantasize about being guillotined (I was reading a lot on the French Revolution then). I would lie down in bed and put my neck on the edge of my bed. Then I would imagine the guillotine blade slicing my neck and the sense of relief that I would feel to be dead, with the hope of Heaven beckoning me.

 

[GoodForNothing]

I don't know if this is the same as considering suicide, but just finding comfort in the idea of suicide. I started finding comfort in the idea when I was 16, I am now 24. It has only been the past year or so where that idea has been at the forefront of my mind. I don't even consider myself suicidal, but some days it seems so reasonable.

 

[Jean Améry]

I was 20 when I became severely depressed after my father cheated on my mother and treated her horribly in general, her alcoholism and depression and subsequent suicide-attempt. i witnessed her puke her guts out in the kitchen sink and this pretty much scarred me deeply and I started to think of suicide. I'm 35 now. Those thoughts have not gone away obviously.

It seems many here experienced this at a (much) younger age. That's sad although suicide and one's life being so bad death seems preferable is sad in general. I can't even remember when I was last happy and well.

 

[lululoo]

First started thinking about and planning when I was 14. But vague plans and I never actually attempted. I have been suicidal every year since and I am now 36. Bought materials to do it when I was 28 but didn't go through with it. Bought a rope when I was 34 but then I got a boyfriend and a job. Now all I have is a job I hate and no hope of ever being free of pain or not alone. So I need to do it soon. It becomes more possible when your life gets this bad but it will still be hard to overcome survival instinct.

In high school most nights I would put my finger to my head and pretend to shoot myself. That is so lame and I've never told anyone.

 

[InkBlot]

I had an anxiety attack so bad I seized. I knew I had to die after that. Its been 7 years.

 

[Christian]

December of last year

 

[Titania]

It started when I was around 9-10 years old when I was being sexually abused and alone in my room most days. My first attempt was around 11-12 years old when I tried to hang myself in my closet.

 

[Letmego. Please]

About 13, had already been drinking since i was 11, mother had a drink problem & used to brew her own wine by the multi gallon load, then used to store all the excess in my room, she was so pissed she never noticed that i was drinking a bottle a day of her elderberry firewater...

Now the wrong side of 45 and soon to be outta here.

 

[Aquarius]

10. I considered either overdosing or hanging, but in the end i just didn't have the guts to do it.