Discussion When did you decide it is the only solution?

[Pacosay]

What happened that made you think "that's it, this is the only way to fix things"?

From my experience it was very recent since I did something that made my partner go away, and it is the 3rd person that has suffered and gone because of me, I realized that the problem is me. I kinda already knew that and I've taken therapy for BPD, and I improved for a few months, but everything has gone back to square 1, so all the hope I gained during this past year went to the sewer, I now know that there's no hope for me and the longer I stay here the more people I'll hurt.
I know this is going to hurt them as well but this is going to be the last time, I'm not going to cause and feel any more pain anymore.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What happened that made you think "that's it, this is the only way to fix things"?

A big failure in life a few years ago. So far I still have not recovered and there is no chance of a real satisfying recovery. It really would have been better if I CTBed right away back then but it's not that easy. Living is hard, dying is even harder although death may be the most logic consequence according to the given circumstances.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case suicide is all that feels rational as I have no interest in the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human, for me it's always preferable to not exist no matter what. I see the existence of life as the most terrible and horrific tragedy and I see no point in suffering for decades just to be tormented by old age and die anyway when the peace of death solves everything.

For me suicide is suffering prevention and the way to find safety from suffering, I envy those who no longer exist as they lack the ability to suffer in such an meaningless and undesirable existence that can potentially get so torturous way beyond anyone can imagine.

Existence caused nothing but harm in the first place and in my case I don't want to suffer in any way. I never would have chosen existence and I wish I never existed at all, I wouldn't wish to be burdened with human existence under any circumstances, simply being concious is tiring and dreadful to me, instead I just want to be eternally unaware.

 

[gingermacie]

A multitude of things. The fact that I'm financially fucked, have wasted my youth and destroyed my health+reputation all let me know that there's no saving me.

Some people who know me think my family are billionaires because of my inability/lack of motivation to work. Really I'm just a depressed addict slug with a death wish and that's it.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Ever since I realized that my life was over and that I will always be miserable, in pain, and mired in regret.

 

[eatantz]

Ive always hated doing things which i dislike. Growing up everyone around me said that ' you have to do things you hate ,that's life' and i simply said 'then i don't want to live'.

School, family, money, relationships they've all been hell for me and i don't see the point in continuing living a life i hate. I have no dreams or end goals im just done

 

[sserafim]

When I realized that my options are NEET or rope

Ive always hated doing things which i dislike. Growing up everyone around me said that ' you have to do things you hate ,that's life' and i simply said 'then i don't want to live'.

family, relationships they've all been hell for me and i don't see the point in continuing living a life i hate. I have no dreams or end goals im just done

Same. I've never had any relationships though, nor do I want any

 

[Himeasa]

Somewhen during my teens I realized that I just dislike life works fundamentally, as well as my specific circumstances in particular. Even if my material circumstances changed considerably, which may make me superficially happy, this would not solve some issues which would be plaguing me, eventually, too much for me to live well.

As a matter of fact, I'm happy quite frequently. I'm not terminally ill. Although I might be facing problems, some severe at that, it isn't like I couldn't conceive any hope for things to turn out ok; but I just hate life. Even when I'm happy, I still, at my core, fantasize of dying. Even when I'm happy, I'm cognizant of the inescapable dread of the human condition. I just hate life.

 

[sserafim]

Somewhen during my teens I realized that I just dislike life works fundamentally, as well as my specific circumstances in particular. Even if my material circumstances changed considerably, which may make me superficially happy, this would not solve some issues which would be plaguing me, eventually, too much for me to live well.

As a matter of fact, I'm happy quite frequently. I'm not terminally ill. Although I might be facing problems, some severe at that, it isn't like I couldn't conceive any hope for things to turn out ok; but I just hate life. Even when I'm happy, I still, at my core, fantasize of dying. Even when I'm happy, I'm cognizant of the inescapable dread of the human condition. I just hate life.

Same. I hate how you have to work for a living and how society is set up like this. I hate how the human condition is one of modern day slavery. I'd honestly rather die

 

[AkaRed]

Honestly just becoming more and more tired, more and more bored, more and more hurt and alone as time went on.

I've tried man, but there just really is nothing left. And I don't want to be like this for another month, let alone years.

<3

 

[Himeasa]

Same. I hate how you have to work for a living and how society is set up like this. I hate how the human condition is one of modern day slavery. I'd honestly rather die

This is definitely a factor for me, though not the only one. There are, or were, human situations without wage labour; labour still, but not the alienated and atomized conditions of capitalism. I'd still root for death then, hypothetically.

For me, this particular aspect really comes down to the distance between what we need and how those needs are fulfilled. We hunger and so we must eat, lest we suffer, yet there is a distance from the state of hunger, 0, to the state of hunger being satisfied, state 1. And satisfaction of the desires is of course only temporary.

Whilst this can work for most people via reward mechanisms (dopamine) this does not apply in all use-cases. There may always be one instance, one amongst a hundred or a thousand or a million, wherein the distance cannot be bridged, or if it's bridged, it doesn't reward with those sweet neurotransmitters, merely perpetuates.

If there is a distance to be walked, then there will eventually always be somebody who falls short if there is any surface for that to come to pass, even if in most cases this goes fine. This is fucked.

Then of course, you must sell your life to capitalists. There is injustice between the poor and the rich, you'll always be living in the shadow of others. Some just have "it" in life whereas others don't. This is aggravated when you've got only a NEET life to live. This is fucked.

Life basically works on a principle of energy attracting energy: the more you are able to pour into your efforts (or the more effort is poured into you, since the privileged have it easy) the more you'll get out of life. And some just can't muster it, and even then they find themselves within a hierarchy wherein some just get it handed, or have more luck, or have more intelligence and ability than you to pull it off. This is fucked.

 

[mainlanders_son]

When my mind ripped open and I became anhedonic.

 

[dinosavr]

I'm not sure I've decided yet. I still struggle to find the right way. For now, trying another meds and forcing myself to see a psychotherapist. I wish I didn't care so much about my family and friends. It would make the decision so much easier…

 

[sserafim]

This is definitely a factor for me, though not the only one. There are, or were, human situations without wage labour; labour still, but not the alienated and atomized conditions of capitalism. I'd still root for death then, hypothetically.

For me, this particular aspect really comes down to the distance between what we need and how those needs are fulfilled. We hunger and so we must eat, lest we suffer, yet there is a distance from the state of hunger, 0, to the state of hunger being satisfied, state 1. And satisfaction of the desires is of course only temporary.

Whilst this can work for most people via reward mechanisms (dopamine) this does not apply in all use-cases. There may always be one instance, one amongst a hundred or a thousand or a million, wherein the distance cannot be bridged, or if it's bridged, it doesn't reward with those sweet neurotransmitters, merely perpetuates.

If there is a distance to be walked, then there will eventually always be somebody who falls short if there is any surface for that to come to pass, even if in most cases this goes fine. This is fucked.

Then of course, you must sell your life to capitalists. There is injustice between the poor and the rich, you'll always be living in the shadow of others. Some just have "it" in life whereas others don't. This is aggravated when you've got only a NEET life to live. This is fucked.

Life basically works on a principle of energy attracting energy: the more you are able to pour into your efforts (or the more effort is poured into you, since the privileged have it easy) the more you'll get out of life. And some just can't muster it, and even then they find themselves within a hierarchy wherein some just get it handed, or have more luck, or have more intelligence and ability than you to pull it off. This is fucked.

Fuck that. I'm not selling my life to capitalists. For me, it's NEET or rope. I like being a NEET though and I want to stay one forever. I want to live a NEET life. The fact that I can't be one for the rest of my life is driving me to ctb. I don't want to work

 

[LunarLight]

I've been suicidal since I was 10, but the thing that made me build a serious plan and buy stuff for it is that I've understood it will never get better. I've tried all their meds, gone to therapy, inpatient, outpatient, all that stuff. None of this works. I suffer, I can't make music anymore, all I do is rotting in bed. This is not a life. So I'll end it.

 

[F@#$]

Having a look at my life. It's totally fucked far beyond repair. Then there's my effects on people and people's effects on me. So it's the .357 retirement plan for this guy.

 

[Abyssal]

When I realized this was a lifelong battle. Even when I'm well I'm still going to eventually get worse. One day I will be unable to fight it.

 

[GreenOctober]

The past always comes back. Things never seem to pass and they stick their roots into the future. Feeding off of what could grow to be something great. Only one way to cut the roots is go for the source.

Bro thinks he's a gardener

 

[patheticpal]

BPD here, too. Relationships can be… devastating. For me it's moreso friendships. Realized in October I was never going to 'get' it. And I'm so removed from adult society at this point, I don't even know what happens when people come face to face with each other anymore. Except what I see online or in media. So yeah, no point in being human if you can't be human.

 

[lnlybnny]

over 10 years ago when i realized i don't fit in this world and don't have strength to do anything with life

Fuck that. I'm not selling my life to capitalists. For me, it's NEET or rope. I like being a NEET though and I want to stay one forever. I want to live a NEET life. The fact that I can't be one for the rest of my life is driving me to ctb. I don't want to work

the fact that nepobabies are just ''fancy'' neets is so annoying lol they get to live the way we do without any judgments