When did suicide become a real option for you?

[bubblebunny]

I genuinely never actually considered suicide because I had a real fear of dying. I did say I wish i didn't exist and stuff but genuinely considering it? Really not.

But I've been crashing so much lately and I kept worrying about the future. Then i remembered that I don't have to endure this. I don't have to do this for years and years. It's a quiet shift but very real for me.

Now I'm curious when did it actually become a real option for you?

 

[Forever Sleep]

As a concept, I accepted it fairly quickly. I was 10 when I first had suicidal thoughts. The first one or two times, it felt like something wrong- because I had been taught it was. Mainly from a religious viewpoint. But, even at that age, my reasoning was that it was a reasonable option, given my circumstances.

I suppose I only really skated around the practicalities of it for ages though. Considering obvious methods like jumping and fairly naive methods like slashing wrists and paracetamol overdose.

As for contemplating an actual attempt though and active ideation, I was quite a bit older I think. I know I was doing deeper research about methods in my 20's.

Throughout though, I've always wanted to wait for key loved ones to pass first so- that held me back a lot of the time.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Suicide started as an idea in my head way back in 2003 and started becoming a real option in 2024.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

10. Tried at 11.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wanting to permanently cease existing is just all I know and it's my way to find peace from this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, it's my way of escaping from all future unnecessary suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

For me non-existence is just all that's positive and I wish I never suffered more than anything, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering and I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous, cruel existence that I never would had chosen which is why I always suffer so much from existing in this horrific dreadful anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, all I want is to never suffer again, I just want to painlessly cease existing and finally be permanently unconscious.

 

[zizzou]

3 months ago when I wasnt there for my wife and she got into an accident. I should've saved her

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Can't remember exactly, (amnesia), I was around my early teens I'd imagine. Next time I won't miss when the time is right.

 

[indianachrome]

when life turned upside down and physical pain became everyday's groundhog day.

 

[scordatura]

Early teens is when I started feeling suicidal, although it wasn't something I would actually do at the time as, I still had hope. I'm now late 20's, and I suppose I do still have hope... sometimes.... or.... rarely.... But I now have so much more baggage to carry with me everywhere I go, and feel I can't fit into the system.

The past couple of years has been when it's really hit me. When I accept death inside my head, is the only time everything stops and I can feel some sort of peace, knowing that I actually can be free. Fighting gives me such intense anxiety and fear, while acceptance of it gives me freedom.

 

[Mooncry]

I seriously can't even remember lol. I've wanted to die since the moment I gained the ability to form memories.

 

[Spite]

About 13 years ago, when I was in my early teens. Suicide has been an option for me ever since, but it's something that has frequently drifted in and out of my life over the years.

 

[Pale_Rider]

That is a story of its own, and it's long! Basically we had weeks, that stretched into months long hearings. In the end the authority to end our life was granted. The establishment of forward operating base X-Site was established during that process. That's to say there was a very serious consideration process that included time out periods.

 

[drkptrn]

when I bought sn

 

[TheHolySword]

My first attempt was in high school. But it was before my first attempt that I accepted it would be a possibility.

 

[brassicasaur]

I've been thinking about suicide since I was a small child, but I've only been genuinely, closely considering it since January this year, when somebody I idolised expressed their dislike specifically for me.

 

[woodlandcreature]

First actual attempt was 10 or 11 and many came after; however, I have a new perspective on this since I've reached my lowest of lows.
It's been in my mind for ages (far before my first attempt), but only within the last two years was I certain this was my path! As I believe I've stated on this forum before, I don't necessarily believe in fate. In this sense, the realness is more a result of complete lack of will than some sort of predestination.
My next attempt will not have room for error.

 

[happysunnydayy]

Wanting to permanently cease existing is just all I know and it's my way to find peace from this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, it's my way of escaping from all future unnecessary suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

For me non-existence is just all that's positive and I wish I never suffered more than anything, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering and I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous, cruel existence that I never would had chosen which is why I always suffer so much from existing in this horrific dreadful anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, all I want is to never suffer again, I just want to painlessly cease existing and finally be permanently unconscious.

are you a bot or a real person? I'm so confused. I keep on seeing the same comments over and over and over.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

early 2011

they say only 12-15% ever have suicidal ideation at all

that's wild

 

[Parnate]

Since 2021, April. I still remember the moment that this happened.

 

[Argent]

Middle school, must've been like 11 years old or so. The bullying got to be too much to where I was desperate for any escape I could find

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I feel like it went the opposite way for me. It was just something I thought I could and would do once my parents were gone. When shit hit the fan and I tried a bit earlier then I had figured, I realized how difficult it was. Now it seems like way less of an option and I feel stuck. The information on this website did warn me even before I tried. Now when it comes to discussions about methods, I just feel more stuck.

 

[Lamentice]

I don't fear death personally, I have failed attempts going back into early adolescents.

 

[Dark Moon]

High school/secondary school is when I first attempted but I was thinking about it even before then. Suicide has never really gone away from me ever since.

 

[lovelydove]

I remember having suicidal thoughts since I was about 12, but I only started genuinely considering it and researching methods when I was around 15.

 

[Lazy]

For me it started out as thoughts of how cool it'd be to just sleep forever until I realized around 14-15 years that what I was thinking about is suicide.

 

[Dejected 55]

Thought on and off for decades... but only became fairly real a little over a year ago... then became very real last month when I made my first attempt... but I failed... and a string of events happened out of my control... and now I feel lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I had a plan that was going to take me away from everything, and it didn't work. So, there is no more plan... but the world is crumbling around me, slowly but surely, and building to a devastating crescendo very soon. I wish my attempt had succeeded... but I don't know if I can do it again or come up with another method to even consider. I am a failure at failing now, and that's hard to move on from... in any direction.

 

[voirpoet.]

I genuinely never actually considered suicide because I had a real fear of dying. I did say I wish i didn't exist and stuff but genuinely considering it? Really not.

But I've been crashing so much lately and I kept worrying about the future. Then i remembered that I don't have to endure this. I don't have to do this for years and years. It's a quiet shift but very real for me.

Now I'm curious when did it actually become a real option for you?

I played around with the idea from 11-12 but when I was 16 is when it actually became a real thing about 2 years ago