When did it become real for you that you're actually going to ctb?

[FuneralCry]

I wish that it did feel real that I was actually going to ctb soon. But sadly I just feel trapped here in this world and death feels like a distance away. I'm so incredibly tired of all these endless days that I've never wished to endure and pretty much every waking moment is spent wishing to be gone.

But I know that no matter what I cannot let this go on for many more years. I also know that if I had a reliable poison method by my side right now I would already be long gone, those with SN but especially N are so incredibly fortunate.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

year and a half ago the scales fell
From my eyes - realized life would only decline into raw survival - my life had been a lie … now it's just a matter of time … running down the clock

 

[whitefeather]

Thank you all. This is a really good thread