Discussion When and why did you start self harming?

[why am i alive?]

I started with 12 and it was out of hatred for myself and my friends. I just needed to let energy out.

 

[ForsakenDial]

I was eleven. I was being physically/emotionally abused by my parents and being bullied in school for not understand social cues and norms.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I was 10 the first time I self harmed intentionally. When I was younger than that I would get so angry I was start pulling my hair and hitting myself, but I didn't do it with the intent of hurting myself. By the time I was 10 I had already been depressed for a year and I didn't know what to do. I had heard about self harm online and knew people did it when they were sad. I also knew it was a bad thing you were supposed to hide. So I debated it for days, and then one night I took my little safety scissors and starts scissoring my wrist. They were very superficial, it was safety scissors after all, and I was embarrassed afterwards. A couple of weeks later they started to bleed more as I continued to do it and it scared me so I told my mom.

 

[xhelx]

Did it the first time at 11, but I only started doing it regularly at 12, and it got from maybe once a week to several times a day. I was a traumatized child and I still can't deal with anything without some unhealthy coming mechanism, and at the time self harming was the only one easily available and somewhat easy to hide. It's been about 2 years since I stopped doing it daily, meanwhile I picked up other bad habits, but I still think about it all the time and I fear that the urge will never go away

 

[billie]

I started hurting myself when I was 14

 

[day]

started when i was 12 in middle school. my sister did it in the past so was curious how it was a good cope. wasn't very often until i was about 16. now i find it hard to go more than 3 days without sh. started likely because it worked as cope for me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I never self harmed and I never will

 

[why am i alive?]

I never self harmed and I never will

That's good

 

[ArgentApricot]

2-3 months ago, i was sharpening my knives for work on this new stone that i imported, it's become a bit of a relaxing ritual for me and so i usually do it when stressed. I de-burred my petty and to test it out i took away some hairs from my arm, i accidentally cut myself. this was the first time this happened in years outside of work, and it felt really good, from there on i tried again and again, just kept cutting while i was getting into some kind of high. since then it's escalated pretty badly.

Should note, i'm very masochistic with my partners, so i think that's how i kept it at bay for so long.

 

[Scythe]

Started when I was 12? Or 13, I did it for fun because I liked craving things into my flesh I started doing it as a release later. Then as a self punishment.

 

[LifelessStranger]

I've never self harmed. Why? I don't want to add physical pain to the emotional one which I usually experience and I don't want to leave scars on my body just in case I'd get alright.

 

[astrichaoz]

Started when I was 12 and did it for a while. Picked it back up again at like 16 and I still struggle with it. I like the feeling and the relief it gives me. It's like my mind goes quiet for a brief moment. I also feel like I deserve it ig, idk.

 

[achb]

Middle school. I'm not in a habit of it; it's mostly a distraction when I get in the mood to. I cut shallow. Started with being really bored while cleaning, and I found a broken mug. I cut up my hands and parts of my arm. Then I stole some razors. I still use razor blades (safer than alternatives). Usually I get the urge if I'm really fucking bored or if I'm bored and tense so I wanna relax a bit.

I guess I also hit myself? But that feels a bit different. It's like I'm so tense and overwhelmed I need to somehow reset. Hitting my head, hitting something else, or banging my head against the wall does the trick.

 

[notindanger]

I started when I was 12, I think. I was getting bullied, nobody liked me, my parents were treating me like shit. I think my parents knew I was cutting myself, though they've never done anything to sotp it. One time my step father came to me and said I left a bloodied blade in the bathroom and just gave me it. I was young and not in my right mind, so I took that as a permission to cut myself, I guess. I still do it til this day, just calm down a bit

 

[homesoon.]

I started off and on around the age of 12 with the coming of depression and childhood trauma, then started doing it more heavily around 14-16. I've struggled with it ever since. The longest I've been clean is about 1-2 years, just for something to happened and it starts over. It started as self-punishment, turned into a bad coping mechanism, repeat.

 

[Myers]

Earliest memory I have of self-harm is from when I was 5 . I had a lot of family issues and being 5 was tough for me because that was when I got molested by my uncle.

 

[chobonzi]

I started with 12 and it was out of hatred for myself and my friends. I just needed to let energy out.

when i was like 12 or 13 i started cutting after my dad CTB. not too much longer was my first attempt. i'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you

 

[Ash’Girl]

I think I started with trichotillomania when I was 6/7… the drs didn't seem to have a name for it then, they just knew I was pulling hair out, and they made me sleep in mittens. Nobody really questioned WHY though.

I was probably 12/13 when I started burning myself, then cutting. The physical pain quieted my mind. My emotions would get so heightened that it felt like there were insects crawling under my skin and I just wanted to scratch and scratch and scratch to get them out: self harm was a release, it for a brief time, it gave me respite from the emotions I wasn't able/equipped to process. It was my default coping mechanism for several years.

Root cause is BPD and difficulty with emotional regulation/intensity, but the BPD manifested as a result of early trauma (abuse/abandonment).

 

[gingermacie]

I started picking at my skin at 10 when I first got acne. The OCD kicked in.

 

[yxmux]

never cut, but i'm thinking of trying it. i tend to cry a lot, even when i'm bored, and that's usually enough of a relief, but it's starting to not feel like enough.

 

[cait_sith]

I fall out of line as I don't cut, but I started punching myself on the head a few years ago.

 

[ArgentApricot]

never cut, but i'm thinking of trying it. i tend to cry a lot, even when i'm bored, and that's usually enough of a relief, but it's starting to not feel like enough.

I can't say it doesn't provide relief, what i can say is it's incredibly addictive and it escalates quick. It's like smoking, you don't have to quit if you don't start.

 

[juna]

Cutting takes a lot of courage. I have never tried self harming, although when I used to get angry as a kid, I used to take a knife and lock myself in my room, while my mother used to ask me to not do anything and come out. But I was very logical. I knew I wasn't going to die by cutting, so why bother. On the other hand, if I had a sure shot way of dying then, I know I would have taken it.

 

[Denza]

I started earlier this year after my girlfriend broke up with me.
Just recently got back into it after I got a razor again

It's sorta relieving in a fucked up way. Atleast the rush it gives me is something that overpowers how sad I feel when I look back to my relationship

 

[Ash]

12 or 13, I think. Possibly younger. But I didn't know what self harm was until much, much later. I just knew that it helped when I felt low. I did it off and on in my 20s but not so you'd really notice. Then things got really bad in my 30s and I started doing it with a sharp blade. So many scars now it doesn't seem worth the energy to stop.

 

[lixt]

I started at 10-11 by pulling out hair and I then moved to cutting. I believe I've done it because I deep down knew I somehow deserved it. It is so addictive I can't stop harming myself, although I have to force myself out of cutting in the summer for reasons I think are obvious.

 

[xoirse]

i was 11, i think everything i've done to keep myself calm and keep myself from thinking of the reason i was so miserable wasn't working really well anymore and my bottled feelings just built up and i felt like i wanna unleash it somewhere. it was so fast, i wasn't thinking really clear. i was hyperfixated on how bad everything feels inside of me. i've been struggling with it ever since. it was my way of coping things because i have no one else to talk to or other ways that are satisfying and relieving enough to actually release how i feel.