What's your relationship with drugs?

[Neurodoom]

Alcohol makes me a lot more extroverted and lubricated for the anal fucking that life is doing to me. I can also get hopelessly enraged and slowed down so much that I have too much time to realize that I'm alone and I probably will stay that way. The only silver lining is that I can stand myself a bit more drinking even though the pain and regret and self-disdain is apparent in between sips.

Weed is calming for the most part, but it drives my anxiety straight through my body like liquid lightning, and carries with it past traumas that makes me feel like the smallest most pathetic being to exist on a cellular level. The opposite of being high, I feel low. Sucked in but still intoxicated enough where at least the most obvious current problems are hidden, stashed away in the peripheral abyss that can't stare into me for the next couple hours!

Cocaine overall makes me feel like I am the most confident I could be. I can skateboard down massive hills and feel like the wind lifts me along effortlessly. I don't feel like I'm in trouble. Of the duration I just want to communicate or talk or move around with someone. Mentally the only downfall is the slight paranoia of possessing the actual substance, the comedown of knowing this feeling isn't permanent and having to go back to real life the next morning.

Acid is the one drug that captivates me in a way emotionally, spiritually, mentally to where I feel like I have a clean slate. I can process things in my life that might not have been enjoyable in a way where I can convince myself truly was no fault of my own, and that my future is going to be the same as my past; somewhat in my hands, but ultimately out of my control. And that acceptance and forgiveness is real. The conceptualization of self and enlightenments are real. Or at least I think. I feel like I can solve all my problems and make my livelihood drastically better. Any depressive energy in my brain is gone. Until it all wears off and I realize everything witnessed is my perception which was just fucked beyond comprehension by LSD, but amazing.

Meth just makes me into the closest thing resembling a hybrid between human and horny ape. Inhibitions escape, and I do things I probably will hate myself for. The subsequent binging of porn, deviant behavior, constant chain smoking of cigarettes and lack of needing food or sleep makes me feel like people are actively judging me wether they know or not. Truly not for the faint of heart, and I have a love hate relationship with this even though I will never submit myself to it, because I respect its raw power and lure to the vulnerable which I am.

 

[MartyByrde]

Drugs are cheating, lying thieves.

Mary Jane is my girl though--loyal af.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Best and worst times of my life through drugs, just wish i'd have used sensibly instead of getting addicted. Very rarely take them now.

 

[Epsilon0]

Non-existent.

I don't even take strong painkillers for my chronic pain. I have always had a strong aversion to substances that take away my control or influence my decision making abilities. I guess it has to do with my upbringing but also with my psychological make-up.

I wish I could loosen up a bit...

 

[Yomyom]

Little weed- didn't effect good on me
DMT- one of my biggest nightmares
Diazepam- like walking on a cloud (very wired)
Clonex- start the day happy ending him crying

And besides I never found a drug that wasn't increased my Derealization.
So I really got to hate drugs, and I just can't get the point of doing them

 

[Fragile]

this will be long so i apologize in advance, this topic is a big part of my life right now and i'm both passionate and obsessed about it.

drugs are probably the only reason why i'm still alive, i can't cope with reality if i don't have them. there's absolutely no enjoyment in life without them, not even my favorite movies and songs bring me joy or even distract me from it. i really wish that i was a better person who doesn't need to rely on substances, but at this point i can't picture myself without them and i'll gladly pave my road to death with them if it means that i'll feel good, even if only for a while.

-weed is the one i use the most, my current favorite and the safest one that i've abused, after all, this one doesn't destroy my body. great both in edible form and smoked. it works wonders for my chronic and is the only thing that puts me to sleep right now. it's also so... intoxicating when mixed with other substances, almost too good to be real. it also helped me to stop drinking every day, now i barely drink once a week. i feel like i can actually make something out of this life while i'm high on it, my mind solves all of my problems and goes beyond them... and then it wears off and i fall out of that cloud.

-pregabalin is the one that i'm really addicted to, this one is really weird and a coin flip for most people, you either hate it or love it. I love it.
think of it as a benzo mixed with a light opioid and in high doses, a pinch of mdma. it's an amazing combo with weed since it calms you and the anxiolytic effects completely eliminates the bad anxiety that i get some times with weed. it was originally recommended to me by a family friend, then prescribed for anxiety and latter for chronic pain, the best part is that i can get it over the counter here in my country. i don't believe in fate, but everything lead me to it so might as well enjoy it. but it isn't without its downsides, very addictive and it fucks with my memory really bad. the worst part is that i builds tolerance extremely quickly, and since it's addictive you can't just suspend it to reset the tolerance and chase the dragon again.

-alcohol was killing me, i used to drink a bottle of vodka a day a few years ago. and most of the times i used it as a way of self harm in a seemingly indirect way, i was passively suicidal so whenever i downed a lot of it and some pills i didn't cared if i waked up the next day. but drinking completely alone and with tears on my face was even more painful at times. and that's the other thing, it never made me feel social or , instead it brought me to tears both from the pain and from my repressed emotions, it felt better than the apathy. it was a nightmare to control this addiction, but weed really helped me in the darkest of times.

-cocaine and other uppers, i don't like them. i want drugs that soothe me like a hot blanket on a rainy day, not one that makes me strip naked and run in the rain for hours only to come back to bed and be unable to sleep for 2 days after. never really liked it and it isn't exactly easy on my allergy ridden nose.

-opioids give me mixed feelings, in a way i'm glad that i don't have access to them, because i can easily see myself gladly destroying my life with them. i can really see why people loose their lives to this kind of drugs. they take the feeling of the warm blanket to a next level, the world is perfect and the pain, both from body and mind go away.


seeing this list is depressing as fuck and i could go on about other drugs and substances that i've tried, but the pregabalin just kicked in.

 

[Yomyom]

-weed is the one i use the most, my current favorite and the safest one that i've abused, after all, this one doesn't destroy my body. great both in edible form and smoked. it works wonders for my chronic and is the only thing that puts me to sleep right now. it's also so... intoxicating when mixed with other substances, almost too good to be real. it also helped me to stop drinking every day, now i barely drink once a week. i feel like i can actually make something out of this life while i'm high on it, my mind solves all of my problems and goes beyond them... and then it wears off and i fall out of that cloud.

Which kind of weed do you find more useful sativa or Indika?
The only thing weed ever helped me with its my sleep apnea, but His psychodal effects were too much for me, so I had to throw him in the trash

 

[Despondent]

-- In a relationship with Marijuana --
May of 2019 ❤

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Mary Jane is my girl though--loyal af.

Oof, I hope you two are in an open relationship because I love Mary Jane too...

 

[Nem]

I used to smoke weed the moment I came home from work, it was really helping or seemed to help my depression. Then, I met this person and we started dating and they smoked weed as well except I didn't know they were a sociopath. Two days after moving in they demanded we stop smoking weed, right at that moment I should've bolted and because I'm an idiot I didn't and two weeks later became depressed af and eventually went on meds that royally screwed me.

Now when I smoke it doesn't effect me the same way so I keep it to a minimum
Peace/hugs

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Terrible love affair with alcohol, it really eased the anxiety, depression... All pain in general. But ruined my health, made me make bad decisions. And when it wasn't there my mental health was worse. Much worse than prior.

Opium. Great, but not for someone with addictive personality and also your mostly getting stuff cut with other rubbish... But pharma morphine is probably mankind's best invention.

Weed. A bit of paranoia but great when it's decent indica, helps sleep, appetite.
Occasionally sativa would help me see my negative thoughts for what they were.

Cocaine. Usually cut six ways from sunday but if you get decent stuff it's Great for 30 minutes. Then the comedown is horrible and dealing with the fact you've wasted alot of money to get half an hour relief. Unfortunately very habitual despite knowing it's so destructive.

Mushrooms. Brilliant though now I wouldn't risk the bad trip.
LSD same as above.

Amphetamine. Horrible dirty drug when you already have an addictive personality, psychosis comes along.

DMT. You can only describe in one way....
' '
Benzos. All I use now... Same as alcohol unfortunately, less damaging, but still the same.

Prescription psychiatric medication. Pretty much as bad as all the negatives of other illicit substances of its something that doesn't agree with you, most of us have experienced this.

-alcohol was killing me, i used to drink a bottle of vodka a day a few years ago. and most of the times i used it as a way of self harm in a seemingly indirect way, i was passively suicidal so whenever i downed a lot of it and some pills i didn't cared if i waked up the next day. but drinking completely alone

We are so similar it's scary.

 

[Yomyom]

Mushrooms. Brilliant though now I wouldn't risk the bad trip.

Did you had a journey in your mushrooms trip? Like a teaching moments?

I want so bad to try mushrooms but I'm so unstable, so that will kill my last piece of sanity that I had left

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I them all!

 

[terry_a_davis]

I them all!

View attachment 33158

I know where that gif is from, saved, great movie. Reminds me I used to have what a friend called my 'drugdraw' in a wardbrode in my apartment, full of various drugs. Later got to the point where my food cupboards in the kitchen had no food just drugs.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Did you had a journey in your mushrooms trip? Like a teaching moments?

I want so bad to try mushrooms but I'm so unstable, so that will kill my last piece of sanity that I had left

I was only 19-21 at the time and it gave me lots of insights and no doubt if you could remember the trip I could've took my life down a completely different path. Unfortunately I continued using alcohol and down the shitty roads. I would recommend to anyone from personal experience unless you are guilty about something that you definitely know is your fault doing. That's just me personally I'm too scared now even when going to ctb but I think the potential to help you is incredible.

 

[GoBack]

One of the loves of my life ❤

 

[bukowski]

Which kind of weed do you find more useful sativa or Indika?
The only thing weed ever helped me with its my sleep apnea, but His psychodal effects were too much for me, so I had to throw him in the trash

Indica is my choice. Sativas can cause anxiety.

 

[Fragile]

Which kind of weed do you find more useful sativa or Indika?
The only thing weed ever helped me with its my sleep apnea, but His psychodal effects were too much for me, so I had to throw him in the trash

i'd say a hybrid strain is probably the one that has helped me the most. indicas are really weak and do almost nothing to me and sativa strains usually give me really bad anxiety. but finding someone who sells specific strains is extremely hard in my country so i just take it with some benzo or pregabalin because most of what i can get is definitely sativa.

funny that you mention sleep apnea, weed actually increases it for me, but at least i can sleep a full night on it.

 

[Skathon]

Abusive, I presume.

 

[BPDbitch]

Cannabis is the only thing I love unconditionally in this disgusting world. I'd smoke all day every day if I didn't have to work.

I used to have a drinking problem so avoid alcohol as much as I can now. Alcohol also exacerbates my suicidality.

I used to really enjoy cocaine. I'm a very introverted person but coke gives me the wee boost I need to chat all night.

MDMA is lovely. Nothing quite like 5am when everyone is still mashed but sleepy, all cuddled up together. Not taken it for a good while though.

I used to do inhalants. Wouldn't recommend. Killed a lot of brain cells lol.

 

[KuRsAnI]

I love LOVE to smoke hash. It amplifies my intraversion and makes me want to browse the internet. I get mesmerized by what I see on my screen and it's so fun. I can't smoke now though because I'm forced to take psych meds by my country's evil psychiatry

 

[nigelhernandez]

Has anyones drug use led them to homelessness or jail/court problems? My parents always said this would happen but people on here seem to use recreational drugs regularly without much issue so I think they were just bluffing.

 

[BPDbitch]

Has anyones drug use led them to homelessness or jail/court problems? My parents always said this would happen but people on here seem to use recreational drugs regularly without much issue so I think they were just bluffing.

Depends on a variety of factors such as the type of drug, how much it costs, if it's addictive, the users income etc. A bit of weed isn't gonna put you on the streets, but stuff like H or crack is another story.

 

[itsamadworld]

I smoke weed and drink alcohol, usually one or both daily...I never took prescription drugs consistently, because I vomit up many drugs, due to the fillers.... I only tried cocaine once. I do want to try 'shrooms!'....I wonder if they would help me with PTSD symptoms?..at least it would be something different in my life.

 

[BeeLoyal]

I tried weed for the first time last year, legally in the Netherlands. I consumed it right, but it still had no effect. Online i searched what I was doing wrong or why I didn't get high, and apparently some people can't get high the first time they do weed, but the second time. Sadly, I can't try it out a second time soon. Have to wait a long time.

Alcohol is making me tired and funny.

I would actually like to try out some more, but I don't have any connections to get them from, neither do I want to purchase bitcoins for the darkweb.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

Hated Adderall. Made me jittery and violent.
Didn't like weed. Made me black out with no fun effects or it made me twitchy and numb.
Mushrooms were okay. Lots of pretty fractals to look at. A bit of an unpleasant feeling like I was about to fall upwards into the sky. Interesting sensations and intense colors.
I enjoy getting drunk. The loss of motor function used to scare me, but over the years, I've learned to just settle down in a comfortable spot and not get up. Slows my mind down long enough to let me relax and lighten up and have a genuinely good time. Nice, relaxed thoughts, silly jokes, abstract musings, and eventual sleepiness. Increased sexual drive. Tbh, how I thought weed would be like, based off the stereotypes.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I used to smoke a load of weed every day, I miss those times, felt so relaxed and not a care in the world. Everything felt peaceful and good and made sense. But have asthma, my lungs struggle with inhaling anything now.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I used to love to smoke weed but before new years but I couldn't stop feeling numb after a small amount so I quit.

I liked a drink sometimes but loved it with the weed. I still drink occasionally.

I tried Zanex and it worked perfectly for sleep.

I've never done Coke, Crack, or Meth. I know people who ruined their lives with that stuff.

I want to try shrooms and DMT. I just need to get the supplies to grow/extract my own.

 

[Lethe]

Has anyones drug use led them to homelessness or jail/court problems? My parents always said this would happen but people on here seem to use recreational drugs regularly without much issue so I think they were just bluffing.

Without much issue? You know this is a suicide forum, right? It would be wise not to take advice from anyone here.

 

[MartyByrde]

Oof, I hope you two are in an open relationship because I love Mary Jane too...

I have no choice. She's too lovely for me to have all to myself. Better treat my girl right! ;)