What's your relationship with drugs?

[waterbottleman]

I've been smoking weed since the quarantine with not much else to do and it being legal where I live.

Ive never tried another drug and I don't like alcohol or tobacco.

 

[any%]

Overall I am a very addictive person, I just cant seem to moderately use anything. Be it most drugs, food (especially sugar things), sports or sex (at least when I had a girlfriend ages ago). I usually just abuse anything that is abusable.

i) Ethanol: I hate it, because it is such a heavy drug and turns me into a totally different person. I cant stop once I started drinking, it always ends with puking and blacking out. Also my father is an alcoholic and his father was and the father of his father etc. I usually stay away from it.

ii) Nicotine: I quit it, I used to smoke quite a bit, although usually always with weed or hash in it!

iii) Weed/Hash: Had a toxic relationship with it ever since I was 17/18 years (27 as of now). Smoking everyday, getting high before doing anything, especially before going outside. I stopped for half a year in 2018 (but started drinking alcohol to compensate which was even worse), started again and since feburary this year I am "clean". This time I started cycling like a mad man in order to compensate and to avoid alcohol.

iv) MDMA, Ecstasy: I hate that I love it when I use it, but the comedown is always super hard for me and I am beyond depressed during the comedown and especially the whole day after using it. I very rarely do it. Last autumn I did it the second time in 2019, but before that I didn take any for like 6 years.

v)Cocaine: Not interesting for me. Only did it several times at one evening though.

vi) Ketamine: Same as cocaine. Cant tell much about it + it was combined use with Ecstasy. But I had a great time at a techno club.

vii) Psilocybin: Brilliant compound. Absolutely fascinating to me. I first tried it last year, but quite a few times. Never a bad trip, was just a brilliant experience. And it always helped me to get my shit together for weeks after I used it. One time I had a weird time on the comedown though, where I was realizing how many poor choices I made in life and cried like a baby for hours. Currently not doing it, because I can tell that it is not the right time at the moment. I need to sort some stuff out before I can treat myself with some shrooms.

viii) DMT: Absolutely brilliant. Took it several times and twice I took a breakthrough dose. Made me question everything. Myself, my reality, my perception. What is even life? This substance is so weird in a good way, it is impossible to describe. One has to experience it if one is mentally suited for it. If you cant truly let go it will f*ck with your head until you go insane. I extracted my own stuff and it is way too much for me. That stash could last for years. Someone on the internet once said: "It is always easier to not smoke DMT!" and that is so true. It is not "getting high". It is more like serious work and thought you have to put into. But I love(d) it. Also currently not using, as my circumstances atm are not suitable. But the time will come again, I am sure & it is such a magical experience and can help you so much to connect to yourself on some other level. I am really fascinated by it. It is mindblowing.

ix) LSD: Also a brilliant substance, but not so much my favourite cause it just lasts too long for my taste, but I had great experiences with it. I am just lucky that these hallucinogens dont get you addicted. It is just impossible and I wouldnt want to take shrooms/dmt/lsd every day anyway. Impossible^^

So overall my relationship with drugs is a double edged sword. I would say the more accessible or even "legal" party drugs are the worst for me, due to my addictive and anarchic personality/character but somehow the psychedelics are something that works for me way better and at times would even describe them as medicine of real therapeutic value for me. Whereas weed did numb me for years, but never actually got me anywhere. But then again, that is more because of me and how I am and not the fault of the weed.

Currently I am completely sober for 3 months now and being sober is one of my worst fears. At the beginning I was high as a kite somehow of being just me without any drugs. But usually that just lasts for 2 or 3 months max. By now my view on life and everything is horribly grey again and I cant even cry anymore, because I am emotionless again. Really hard right now not to start taking anything again. My depression is slowly but surely claiming its place in my brain and heart once again. And being sober forces me to experience that pretty much nonstop.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I'm a true drug addict. I much prefer drugs over alcohol, and I prefer smoking them. I started using drugs at 14 and haven't stopped since. When I was 14 and completely sober, I had my first suicide attempt and was hospitalized for months, after I got out and was diagnosed with severe depression, I started using drugs. In the beginning it was at parties, binges, experimenting, to escape. I did a lot of binges. First it was weed, ecstasy (swallowing), then cocaine (snorting)... I swore I wouldn't do anything harder or worse. But I got older and hung out with the wrong people and lowered my standards. I was trying to come down from coke once, and was pressured to try smoking heroin. Then I started smoking crack recreationally, also tried meth a few times. Of course I got physically addicted to heroin, it's a different bug from the other drugs, it has a severe physical hold on you, you get to a point where you need to use just to function and get up, and eat food, and go to sleep. I came to a point where I decided I only enjoyed smoking my drugs, I'd rather smoke crack than cocaine. I've never used a needle and have no interest or need to.

It's been 11 years since I got addicted to heroin, a few years after I also started fentanyl mixed. Now I can't go back to just heroin I have to have it properly mixed in fent my way, I don't like doing just any bag of dope. I'm extremely picky about the quality of my drugs, always have been. No one likes shitty weed, or coke, same thing with opiates. I should add that I quit using all other drugs about 8 years ago... now it's just exclusively H/F. If I had a choice I'd be sober or smoke weed sometimes. I've never been homeless or in legal trouble, but I did force myself to prostitute for 8 years, the physical withdrawal sickness is soo sooo horrific. Mine is especially severe, I think everyone has varying degrees of severity, mine was extreme. I couldn't go more than 2 days without, in 11 years. I failed detox twice. I've always stayed with my mom and my siblings at my original home, never left. There is no way I'd survive out there in this condition.

Before my first CTB attempt at 14, I was a fucked up kid. I think I might have borderline personality disorder, I was diagnosed bipolar too at 18. But, nobody wants to help me with my mental health unless I quit using and stay clean for 3 months or so. Not possible. I am self medicating and can't imagine being sober in this life for very long. It terrifies me. I'd rather just die instead. I don't think mental health help will do much, I already am aware of the fucked up world we live in, it's not like there's a wonderful world out there waiting for me lol, it's a real shit show.

 

[coyguy]

I use alcohol and weed regularly. Takes my mind off of the shitty reality for a while. Cocaine is also used, but not as frequently.
I've also tried heroin once but didn't like the feeling at all, for some reason.

 

[executioner1983]

Haven't touched any since I was 18, not even caffeine. First started smoking weed at 16, drinking at 17. Nothing too crazy but definitely more than what was healthy. Also tried psilocybin at 18, started out bad but ended pretty great. It definitely helps you realize things but I've also found that I can do that on my own through meditation. I don't think I ever see myself going back to be honest. I don't really have anything against drugs either I'm just a bit skeptical of the things I put into my body now. I try to eat well and avoid getting sick as much as I can; I just want to function optimally I suppose. Health is very important to me, but I don't look down on people who go all in either. I don't think you can live wrong; everyone's path is different and just as meaningful.

 

[Steff1337]

Well, if psych drugs and other prescription drugs count, then I'm in a serious relationship with them.

 

[annasplight]

My relationship with drugs? Ahhh, well? Although I probably should stay away from them (most of my family are addicts...), I would have to say

i.) Alcohol. I have to get to a happy middle where I'm giggling and stumbling, but if I push it, god do I get weepy very fast! I haven't had alcohol in a bit, but I will say it's my favorite 'drug'? Of choice. It makes me not so sad about my life when I have some, and although I'm a lightweight, I drink more than most of my old friends, and do great with keeping it down. Me and alcohol are locked in for life.

ii.) Weed. I don't really like the stuff when it's in edible form. My first and only edible had me tripping the absolute fuck out. Screaming and sobbing while having class of 09 on in the background to watch when I had occasional moments of calm lololol. However! I think weed pens are ok. They're easy for my system to get along with, so if I had to have weed in any form, it would be through a pen. I don't like the smell though, so thats the major drawback.

iii.) Nicotine. Haven't had it, but my friends used to vape a lot, I much preferred those smells over weed. However, I do want to order a vape off of one of these online shops soon enough...I honestly just need something to take the stress off, and it's easier to hide than a huge fuckin bottle of straight vodka!

 

[kinderbueno]

I had a puff of my cousin's vape once. It tasted kinda gross and artificial (it was mango flavour) and I noticed it didn't really do anything so I had a second puff and I started feeling more relaxed. It was a really good feeling. Even now I still get cravings but I know if I pick up a vape again I'll become addicted

 

[Grav]

Did them in the past, cost me the only job I ever wanted. Now don't even drink, waste of money and too many nice places to trip up and f* up your life in some form. If others want to do them and stay away from me that's fine.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I never took street drugs. I've always been a very shy person, afraid of things like that. I never smoked anything, didn't have the interest, and after my mom dying of lung cancer I know I won't smoke anything ever.

Having said that, there are 2 things that had a hold on me:

1) Zolpidem. Falling asleep with it was the most relaxing and pleasurable experience of my life. It was prescribed in case of insomnia but it was so good that I'd think about it during the day and get so anxious at night that I couldn't sleep and would take it. It has been years but if I think about it I crave it. I miss the sleep quality but it ruining my memory and concentration.

2) Alcohol. I never drank socially, I would buy bottles and cry, SH and drink alone in my bedroom. One time I drank too much, couldn't move or scream and just vomited. I woke up surrounded and on top of vomit. Spent the next day vomiting and weak. From that day I stopped drinking and only drink socially.
It was very depressing to drink this way but it took the edge off.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

Drugs are boring to me, all kinds.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Drugs are cheating, lying thieves.

Mary Jane is my girl though--loyal af.

Jason Bateman, really?

 

[Ironborn]

Alcohol was my personal demon, when I still worked it was a bottle of whiskey on Friday, another full bottle on Saturday with a crate of beer to top me up in-between. Just about sobered up in time for work on Monday then it was a week of withdrawal and back at it again the next Friday.

 

[HarryCobean]

Can't afford them. Did once consider becoming a "problem drinker" but just couldn't stick at it.