Whats your reasons for thinking of suicide?

[LastFlowers]

My face. My body. My extreme discomfort. The years I've lost and the potential of dreams squandered.

 

[epic]

I don't wish to jeopardize your anonymity but I haven't met anyone else on here with a terminal disease. Can I PM you?

Sure ! But I wont give away any personal indicators.

 

[RightToExit]

I want my life to be voluntary. Only the option of suicide can make that happen.

I dislike my dreams and many small-scale sufferings that add up over time, even though they are moment-by-moment quite bearable. In addition to that, there's the risk of severe suffering from mutilations, torture, extreme illnesses and so forth. When I add that up, the neutrality of nonexistence doesn't look so bad in comparison.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I've had Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history for the past 14 years, ever since I was 20. I missed out on my entire adulthood. I never have known love and I never will. My condition has gotten much worse and it will continue to do so. I'm totally isolated due to where I have this disease and I can't take it anymore. I have no quality of life. Even if I were to live until 80 I wouldn't have any money to even rent an apartment. I can't do anything physical so I wouldn't be able to care for myself. My mother takes care of me.

I just hate this fucking world with everything in it. Everything stinks. All bs

Do you find happiness in anything? I agree with you that this world sucks but if you're depressed and get the right help life can be very beautiful.

I am going bald at the age of 22, and I hate feeling ugly.

I hope that isn't your only reason. A lot of men go bald at a young age. Please don't do anything rash. I'm sorry you feel ugly but I'm sure others don't think you're ugly.

An incurable illness. I don't want to "warrior" my way through it anymore as my health diminishes. Throw in poor life choices for the lack of a happy sunset ending by the lake.

Do you mind if I ask what your condition is? I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history which is why I'm going. Yes I know what you mean when you say warrior it out. I've been called crps warrior and I'm not a warrior.

I have crps and other physical problems that prevent quality of life. I used to snowboard, hike, climb mountains, go out and travel. Now I dread putting on a sock and developed anxiety that when I go out someone may accidentally hit my foot or I may step wrong. I have become a hermit.

I have crps too. I know you said you had it for 2 years. You know I've had it for 14. So one place you gave it is in your foot. People don't realize that just feeling the breeze blow can make you scream in pain. Do you know how you got crps? I turned my neck and I got a serious muscle spasm and that was all it took.

Floxed by cipro. 24/7 tinnitus.

OMG. I have had tinnitus since I was a kid. I've learned to ignore it but now because of a Chromebook if pain condition I have in my ears it's made it so loud! It's all I can hear. You can't concentrate on anything with that high pitched tone. Either that or it sound like crickets are in your ears. I'm so sorry you're suffering from this. People don't think it's as big of a deal as it truly is.

Botched surgery leaving me in isolation. Suicide is the ONLY way out

May I ask what happened?

Abridged list would be:
• Chronic pain/illness (from a young age) cuz holy hell does being disabled impact everything far too much
• Abuse/trauma/cPTSD - apparently "recovering" is still intolerable
• I'm so tired, and so tired of everything hurting wether it's mentally or physically

I didn't plan a future (even as a kid) because I didn't want to be here. That & most every other aspect of my life feed each other.

Can I ask what your pain condition is? I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history.

Abridged list would be:
• Chronic pain/illness (from a young age) cuz holy hell does being disabled impact everything far too much
• Abuse/trauma/cPTSD - apparently "recovering" is still intolerable
• I'm so tired, and so tired of everything hurting wether it's mentally or physically

I didn't plan a future (even as a kid) because I didn't want to be here. That & most every other aspect of my life feed each other.

Can I ask what your pain condition is? I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history.

I want my life to be voluntary. Only the option of suicide can make that happen.

I dislike my dreams and many small-scale sufferings that add up over time, even though they are moment-by-moment quite bearable. In addition to that, there's the risk of severe suffering from mutilations, torture, extreme illnesses and so forth. When I add that up, the neutrality of nonexistence doesn't look so bad in comparison.

I'm sorry but I don't write understand. Are you afraid of the unknown? Life is full of risks but if we don't take any we don't get anywhere. We just remain stagnant. Are you just scared because if so I bet a therapist can help you.

 

[EveryBodyDies85]

I see myself becoming more isolated since turning 30 4 years ago. Friends I used to hang out with moving on starting families, lucrative careers and generally not having the time to hang out anymore. I have no children of my own, no significant other, been at the same low paying, unfulfilling albeit stable job for the past 15 years. I just feel there's been a empty void eating away at me for the past few years. I'm simply no longer optimistic about my future and I no longer wish to continue this farse any longer.

 

[RightToExit]

I'm sorry but I don't write understand. Are you afraid of the unknown? Life is full of risks but if we don't take any we don't get anywhere. We just remain stagnant. Are you just scared because if so I bet a therapist can help you.

No, it's not about fear. The relevant concept is expected value (probability of an event times the utility of the event). Extreme agony is unlikely for my situation on a day-to-day level, but if it does happen, it's very large negative utility for me, whereas there is no equivalent on the positive side with any reasonable probability - there is nothing that I want enough to outweigh it. My day-to-day life is otherwise more or less neutral, sometimes a little bit better than nothing, sometimes a little bit worse than nothing.

There is this idea that you have to suffer unbearably in order for death to be preferable to life, but for me, a small net-negative is still not worth having, compared to nonexistence (which I see as absolute neutrality).

 

[Spock87]

Been though a lifetime of pain can't take anymore. No one understands me anyway people call me mean and scary even though I go out of my way to help anyone who needs it.

 

[Essence]

In words I would say my reasons are - hopelessness, sadness, time utterly wasted, SO many regrets, failures, bad choices, bad luck, fear of the unknown, fear of failing, the list could go on. But these are just words. Words with powerful emotions behind them. Feelings of sinking, flailing, falling, swimming in thick black oil, loneliness, rejection, self sabotaged. The worse part of all is, I am not sure if my genetics, or experiences ( when I was a child ) or both, have opened the door to this rancid path for me. I don't know who I am anymore, I haven't known for a long long time. A walking talking mistake? A decoration on the tree of life, a 'fill in' for the gaps that the happy people leave behind? Too scared to truly enjoy anything, it will only be taken away, everything is taken away. I don't deserve to be here. Nothing stays. I am scared of life, scared of living.

 

[Emily123]

I hate my body more than anything else in the world and I just want to destroy it

 

[JimFord99]

I hate myself.

 

[Larez]

Intermitent anhedonia or absolute distress, brain fog, weakness with battling addiction, ruining another part of myself every day, feeling uneasy and uncomfortable in my body, crippling self-hatred.

 

[khw777]

Major Depression and undiagnosed severe health problems.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

For my lack of purpose. And now it seems I came to this world to plan how to die. It's like being in prison and you plan how to escape from it.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

At this point I don't even care about anything else. All I ever think about is 2021 when I finally take my last breath and I'm relieved that I am in my last days. I have lived long enough to understand this life is just not for me. I'm so tired, everyone senses my mood and restlessness and attitude. They can tell I'm tired and not at peace mentally. This is what scares me the most when people can see you are depressed and tired they see it in your eye movements, hear it in your voice, etc. I'm just so tired and been avoiding everyone, I'm glad the school semester is over finally I can stay in bed all day without making the effort to come to class. Next semester is my last and finally I can pay off my school loan for university and save for a funeral/cremation. Just so tired of living, hating myself, and being miserable.

 

[Mizzmini45]

the non stop anxiety during the day, panic attacks in my sleep and days on end of insomnia. IF I get EXTREMELY stressed ill start thinking I hear things that aren't there. It has happened a rare few times. Its no way I can suffer with this for another possible 50-60 years? getting through one day feels like a week. I'm just really tired already. its no way I can keep doing this yall. Plus to be honest- I don't want to go through the aging process. I just don't want to see myself old and go through all the trials and tribulations of that. I have parents, aunts and grandparents ya know. I see whats to come and i dont wanna go through it. I gotta escape before it happens

 

[BPD Barbie]

BPD destroying every interpersonal relationship I ever form. Intrusive thoughts every hour of the day. Anxiety. Self harm. Childhood trauma. Life long health complaints. Failed suicide attempts. Paranoia. The list goes on....
It feels like I'm a normal person trapped in a completely abnormal body and mind. My mind isn't my own, hasn't been for many years.

 

[Shinbu]

My QoL, and looking like my father. My bio dad shot a man who was my mom coworker in the eye due to his jealousy, and jumped my uncle with his gang he became a fugitive then turned himself in. He hit my uncle with a metal bat. I think my uncle changed so much after that because that's what my mom said. He became a pill addict. My bio dad lied about getting my grandpa a gravestone, and he even lied about being a friend of my uncle back when he was a fugitive still. Seriously fuck my dad. When my mom said I look like him. I couldn't stand looking at myself no longer. I hate taking pictures because of looking like him.

 

[Hotsackage]

Ocds a douche, my only power over is to ctb

 

[noctiva]

Depression, severe anhedonia, out of energy.
Lost they love of my life, I don't belong anywhere anymore, I have no purpose anymore, I'm a burden to everyone I love.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I feel like I've already lived through experiences I needed. My life peaked at 12 years old, since then I've had almost no social life. Combine that with constant stress over school because I was pressured from a very young age to have all As. Depression and anxiety settled in at 11 years old, and went haywire at 14. I lost my teenage years due to depression and anxiety but also my sheer stupidity. I missed out on fun teenage stuff.
Nowadays I have no motivation and no hope for the bland colourless future.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

My own mother trying to kill me when I was 4. The treatment I've been given throughout my entire life, as if I don't exist. My ex-wife pulling the shit she did on me. Holding my child as he lived and died in a 5min timespan. The pain this world produces in abundance. My depression and anxiety I've struggled and battled with for the majority of my life. Losing those that I've felt closest to. Basically, nearly everything from my earliest moment until now. Too big a list to keep going on.

Despite that, I still struggle with wanting to cash my ticket. I have most of what I need to accomplish it, now, but I guess I still try to hold on to the tiniest shred of hope, but that thread is rapidly fraying into nothing. I know I will snap and that'll be it, one day. What hurts is seeing just how many people have gone through the same, worse than and even those that don't come close to understanding. This world is nothing but pain, anymore, damn near pure suffering for many no matter your walk of life. No matter if you're well off or not. We are broken, this world is broken. Some try to hold on as best they can, for others sake. Some give up at the drop of a dime. But, nothing can truly fix a lot of us and it shows, more and more by the day.

Personally, I wish no one would ever have to come to the decisions many of us have, but when we need and want it to stop so bad.....we just want that peace. We want it to stop and be done with.

Tl;dr - it's all gone to shit for many, when it never should of and if this is the best solution to the problem, then so be it.

 

[R_N]

Not being able to sleep because of the damage psych med did to me. Whenever I try to fall asleep I stop breathing and wake up. It is torture and nothing helps.

I have been suicidal before but now I don't have any other choice.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Not being able to sleep because of the damage psych med did to me. Whenever I try to fall asleep I stop breathing and wake up. It is torture and nothing helps.

I have been suicidal before but now I don't have any other choice.

Having had sleep apnea happen, before, I truly feel for you and agree, it's utter torture. Sometimes, you don't even know it's happening until you gasp for air. I'm sorry you suffer from this, due to damage caused by meds.

 

[maka]

Laziness and my grades in school. Also I have Aspergers and ADD, and my nmom, who knows this, refuses to let me get therapy/on medication, and it's extremely hard to function in school without it. I'm putting myself through more stress because of her selfishness and I hate it.

 

[Untitled]

Abuse and injustice.

 

[Flume]

This reality is cruel beyond belief and I want to get out while I still can.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

In all honesty: I can't get over the sexual assault I've been through in the past, I can't forgive myself that the family member never stopped with touching me on places when I told him not to.
I've never processed my past: it was really hard to live with a brother who's addicted to drugs, all the memories between my parents and him. The physical fights in house, the threats, it's just everything..
I haven't spoke or seen him for a few years and it hurts me that I don't know or he's still alive, if so: is he still addicted?
The last thing that makes me wanna ctb is I don't know what to study and am already in that boat for almost 3 years, it stresses me out to not know what I'd be happy with to do for years.

 

[Canon1]

Lost my gf

 

[seventeenangels444]

It changes, sometimes I hate everyone and want to see the world just die already. Sometimes it doesn't even has a reason. I just wake up and mourn for death.
Honestly too many reasons.

I guess life just doesn't suits me.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I've had the desire to end my own life since I went thought childhood abuse and I haven't been able to be happy or it just took to much effort to stay happy.
I came across the antinatalism philosophy not knowing there was a term for something I've always felt and it validated my reasons for wanting to end my own life.