epic
Enlightened
- Aug 9, 2019
- 1,813
Time for speed lol! Jus kiddin! But that is what I been using to deal w brain fog. Legal speed. It's got downsides though. Plus exercise and attempting to eat things that help brain function.
shango
Member
- Sep 9, 2019
- 70
I'm a worthless piece of shit that no one cares about. I give too much to people that don't give back. I'm terrible at communication, and have so many problems connecting to people. I wish I had someone to love but I just cannot get that. I'm unlovable and broken. I see no future for myself anymore and just want to end it all
Girobatol
Specialist
- Sep 9, 2019
- 313
Bipolar disorder meds make me very suicidal. Without meds I´m not suicidal but can get sanctioned or in jail.
JimFord99
Enlightened
- Aug 18, 2019
- 1,047
shango
Member
- Sep 9, 2019
- 70
JimFord99
Enlightened
- Aug 18, 2019
- 1,047
No you're not lol! I used to do that, give more than I get back or giving something with the expectation of reciprocity. Only thing u can do is never give too much at the beginning, pay close attention to what people do vs what they say. People will only parasite off of u allow them to. I've noticed that my anxiety increases around types of people who are likely to try to take advantage. Always pay attention to wether someone is making u feel uncomfortable. Those are the little warning signs that your gut is right. Healthy people will not try to push your boundaries and make u feel used.
shango
Member
- Sep 9, 2019
- 70
But I believe everyone in my life has done that. Even my mother. I guess I'm just too easy to be manipulated heh
That's probably why u are susceptible, because your own mom treated u this way so what happens is u have porous boundaries as a result. You had to give in because u live in an environment that shaped u as a child to feel like u have to give in to these people to survive as a kid. I was raised in similar environment so I know about this stuff. It's not always intentional manipulation on the part of these people. Some people never learned any other way to get what they need from other people in an honest way. Good thing is now you understand that u are susceptible and u have to be more aware and not allow it to happen. Don't feel guilty for saying no and don't let them try to induce guilt either.
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Blackjack
I’ll be watching...
- Aug 6, 2019
- 777
I don't wish to jeopardize your anonymity but I haven't met anyone else on here with a terminal disease. Can I PM you?
Death of my mom. My ex leaving me without a decent closure. No job. Feeling hopeless and worthless.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Seneca the Younger
Member
- Sep 29, 2019
- 5
Horrible life without any future prospects.
Return2Dust
Experienced
- Sep 28, 2019
- 246
An incurable illness. I don't want to "warrior" my way through it anymore as my health diminishes. Throw in poor life choices for the lack of a happy sunset ending by the lake.
Sadwind
want to go
- Sep 21, 2019
- 76
Mental illness, personality disorder, lack of emotions... I don't feel well being me. I don't know how to form a rational identity. I can't go back in time and redo my formative years.
I was abused and bullied and insane. I want to be undone. I shouldn't even be here. I was an unwanted accident. It's just another cruelty of nature that people assume life is a gift. Maybe your life was a gift but mine wasn't.
When I was a young kid I used to stand and let the wind blow my body. I'd stick out my arms and pretend I was flying. I could almost feel the air flow right through me, carrying my ghost away to a better place. I can't stand being outside because of this memory.
Everything is painful.
I was abused and bullied and insane. I want to be undone. I shouldn't even be here. I was an unwanted accident. It's just another cruelty of nature that people assume life is a gift. Maybe your life was a gift but mine wasn't.
When I was a young kid I used to stand and let the wind blow my body. I'd stick out my arms and pretend I was flying. I could almost feel the air flow right through me, carrying my ghost away to a better place. I can't stand being outside because of this memory.
Everything is painful.
hahabye
always say never
- Sep 14, 2019
- 314
I would want to know that myself... I keep wondering what was it that made me hope for my life to be a dream that would soon be over as a kid already. I cannot seem to think of a valid reason, just many little things, that all children experience, I think. Those thoughts persisted into my teenage years when I actually tried to ctb for the first time. Again, apart from constant fights with my mom and being socially awkward at school, I had a pretty normal life. So maybe it's just a lack of certain neurotransmitters in my brain. But now I have so many more little reasons, like being afraid of never achieving anything, being scared and stressed about every single thing, feeling alone, etc.. Although those too seem to be just usual things that people live with. So maybe I'm just a weak person. Or it's all of these things together. And I feel bad about the way I feel when I see people on here suffering from actual real difficult things, like sicknesses and disavilities, but I'm so glad this is all not for long now.
I have crps and other physical problems that prevent quality of life. I used to snowboard, hike, climb mountains, go out and travel. Now I dread putting on a sock and developed anxiety that when I go out someone may accidentally hit my foot or I may step wrong. I have become a hermit.
Katerina
If only she knew
- Sep 21, 2019
- 57
Debt originally but then I lost my mum to suicide and my suicidal thoughts come in waves
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Nameless Monster
Chilena, si hablas español, hablame por privado
- Sep 8, 2019
- 16
Sexual abuse since I have 5 years, anxiety, PTSD, meds and therapy didn't work. I'm so tired
Return2Dust
Experienced
- Sep 28, 2019
- 246
I am 46 years old and I have failed emotionally, physically, and financially. It is all due to my fear and weakness, and I am tired of feeling scared and alone all the time. So I have two concrete plans and a firm timeline. Actually suicide is the only real feeling of freedom and hope I have.
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
Honestly I couldn't name you all of the reasons, the list is just too long.
This world is a lie and life is a scam. To me suicide is the ultimate act of freedom. It is a giant fuck you to nature and life itself. I won't bother playing a rigged game. I'm done with the rat race. Happiness is a lie. To exist is to suffer.
Over the years my suicidality became more philosphical I guess. The more you think about it the more you start to realize how fucked up everything is. Hard to go back to the rose-tinted glasses and why should I?
I'd rather die with the painful truth than live a lie like the rest of the billions of miserable people on this planet deluding themselves into thinking life is great.
This world is a lie and life is a scam. To me suicide is the ultimate act of freedom. It is a giant fuck you to nature and life itself. I won't bother playing a rigged game. I'm done with the rat race. Happiness is a lie. To exist is to suffer.
Over the years my suicidality became more philosphical I guess. The more you think about it the more you start to realize how fucked up everything is. Hard to go back to the rose-tinted glasses and why should I?
I'd rather die with the painful truth than live a lie like the rest of the billions of miserable people on this planet deluding themselves into thinking life is great.
mk47
Member
- Sep 29, 2019
- 78
Chronic pain, my quality of life is almost non existent. It's unobjectionable for people to get euthanized for various reasons in certain European countries but the US keeps dragging their feet, regarding ending ones life ;when their is horrifyingly, nightmarish pain.
I’vehadenough
Elementalist
- Sep 15, 2018
- 847
clownangel
Student
- Sep 25, 2019
- 122
Abridged list would be:
• Chronic pain/illness (from a young age) cuz holy hell does being disabled impact everything far too much
• Abuse/trauma/cPTSD - apparently "recovering" is still intolerable
• I'm so tired, and so tired of everything hurting wether it's mentally or physically
I didn't plan a future (even as a kid) because I didn't want to be here. That & most every other aspect of my life feed each other.
• Chronic pain/illness (from a young age) cuz holy hell does being disabled impact everything far too much
• Abuse/trauma/cPTSD - apparently "recovering" is still intolerable
• I'm so tired, and so tired of everything hurting wether it's mentally or physically
I didn't plan a future (even as a kid) because I didn't want to be here. That & most every other aspect of my life feed each other.
Nameless Monster
Chilena, si hablas español, hablame por privado
- Sep 8, 2019
- 16
[QUOTE = "Return2Dust, publicación: 424985, miembro: 10891"]
Te escucho...
[/CITAR]
Well, English is not my first language and im drunk right now, but i have to thank you for tring to listen me, my grandmother (she is my mother since my mom left me for my step father who is my abuser) know whats going on. i told her, and she did nothing to protect me. my mom have no fault, she was also abused in her childhood, i don't want her to suffer like me, she is not a bad person, she is not a bad mom. if people hurt me one time, is their fault, but if they hurt me 10 years, is obiously my fault
Te escucho...
[/CITAR]
Well, English is not my first language and im drunk right now, but i have to thank you for tring to listen me, my grandmother (she is my mother since my mom left me for my step father who is my abuser) know whats going on. i told her, and she did nothing to protect me. my mom have no fault, she was also abused in her childhood, i don't want her to suffer like me, she is not a bad person, she is not a bad mom. if people hurt me one time, is their fault, but if they hurt me 10 years, is obiously my fault
