B
BjartNO
Student
- Sep 21, 2018
- 166
Finished 5 years of university, now I can't find a job so nothing
When you're working just to make enough money so that you can afford transportation and not starve......you know that something is very very wrong.Shit. I've never had a career...
jobs sure.
but nothing .... providing stability.
I've worked at McDonalds more times than I like to count and different fast food restaurants before and after that. I've been an Customer Service Representative for several different companies. Offering tech support, billing help, or payment/buying options for customers calling into my company (Big wig phone provider)
I've always wanted to be a tattoo artist but i can't spend enough time drawing to even get around to any sort of career or apprenticeship.
Last job i had was a homegoods store that sold a bunch of different odds and ends sort of like a Target.
Before last fall i was in Parttime university living at home for the past 4 years.
Dropping out when i was sick last fall really put me into a lot of trouble with my student loans because i haven't gone back.
I really should have a job so i can pay for my bills but as of right now i'm trying to stabilize after my meds returned me to chronic insomia.
I don't have a vehicle even when i'm stable.
I alwawys have to mooch off others and rely on them to bring me everywhere.
Cabs aren't too expensive but i end up spending half my check on them.
I'll stop now.
I'm unemployed.
Dont collect disibility or anything.
When you're working just to make enough money so that you can afford transportation and not starve......you know that something is very very wrong.
Hey for the longest time i could have had more money to eat off of but i didn't do that
Instead i spent all that i could scrounge up on weed and beer.
My reality was wakeup, work, sleep, repeat.
For years.
Looking forward to my next day off and not know what i should do because I spent so much time doing what i didn't want to do so that when i finally got time to myself everything was already soomething I didn't spend enough time doing and i have problems with pride and wanting to do everything perfectly..
this is why i rarely draw.. Its never good enough.
... regressing, I didn't wanna spend money on food i just wanted to get so fucked up that i didn't have to deal with my life. Or at least sober. I miss being drunk every day.
Didn't have to pay attention to what its like to be me.
I get pretty upset about my paintings and how they come out. The only thing I can say is usually I enjoy it when I'm not pressured about what the outcomes gonna be so much. Getting high can usually help with that too.
I cannot Art without being fucked up.
My painting were always done under a deadline.
Im the kinda of person that won't do anything unless there's a time limit
I was really good in college because of that but i always ended up waiting til the last day before doing anything and cranking out anxiety inducing frantic scrambling assignments.
I've only painted like 4 or 5 things tho.
I know i'm good. I just don't have any drive.
OkumaCurrently, Okuma, Hitachi Seiki, haas, and mistubishi.
Bee keeper
Depression can happen and hit anyone, no one is immune to the depths of despair. I too was a big advocate against suicide. Lost a sibling to it a year ago, advocated and looked out for many siblings/ close relatives who were suicidal, was wanting to work in a psychiatric hospital then I experienced a major life event and ended up in the hospital I wanted to work in and experienced really bad treatment from staff. Now here we are. It takes great deal of love for first ourselves and then others to want to help out. I was brought up in a very different lifestyle then most and abused when I was younger. At 18, I attempted a few times and was moved many states away and my entire life changed. I worked with a therapist and at the time thought it was such a major key to the puzzle. Went a good 7 years with no suicidal thoughts or personal major problems. Finished nursing school and had a huge life altering experience. I'm ready to go now and don't know who that girl with all the ambition and drive was beforetrained in counselling, was a nursing assistant for quite some time. was studying general nursing until i lost my baby. And most recently was a youth support worker for people age 13-25 with mental health difficulties. Used to run a support circle for a group weekly. Now look at me. I'm a little bit of a hypocrite I suppose. Been out of work for months now due to my depression.