What’s your (drug) addiction?

[anotherlastchance]

Do you suffer from addiction, and the problems that come with that territory?
I started smoking pot when I was 14. I smoked a lot.
when I turned 16 I was a poly user mostly XTC and psychedelics.
When I turned 18 my mom kicked me out on the street is started using amphetamine on a daily bases.
I lived in squats en stole for my addiction my food was mostly coming from supermarket dumpsters.
When I was about 20 I got an older GF she was 40 I lived 5 years with her at her house we both were addicted to amphetamines.
I worked as a scaffolder which paid good enough to buy food and pay for our addiction which was about 50 grams a week (amphetamine is real cheap here about 80€ for 50 grams.)
At some point I got interested in designer drugs, it started out with 3mmc (3-methylmethcathion)
Not much later I started smoking a another research chemical A-PHP (alpha pyrrolidinohexiophenone) also known as flakka the zombie drug.
I started turning realy psychotic broke up with my GF and everything just went downhill real fast from there. I'm not gonna explain how bad but just real bad!
I got into psych ward and was told I could never use drugs (especially stimulants) ever again, which was a real shock for me since literal survived mentally on amphetamines.
But they where wright,
since I didn't believe them I took amphetamines as soon as I got out of the psych ward.
This went wrong ofcourse.
I realized I had to live sober this is where I found out I was suicidal (it could be that I was already suicidal but that the amphetamines where suppressing it) I got in and out of psych wards for suicide attempts. I now have a place where I can live and I don't do any drugs anymore but I am mentally scared.
CTB is always on my mind.
And in the Evening I drink two 500 ml 12% beers just to calm me down and yeah I smoke a lot of cigs.

But what's your addiction (story)?

 

[sserafim]

I don't drink or do drugs. I was forced to drink before though, but only once. I've never done drugs, but I used to take medication for my ADHD (Ritalin and then I switched to Adderall). Adderall is basically amphetamine lol; it's "mixed amphetamine salts". I stopped taking my meds after college though. Now, I have a caffeine addiction because I self-medicate with caffeine

 

[anotherlastchance]

I don't drink or do drugs. I was forced to drink before though, but only once. I've never done drugs, but I used to take medication for my ADHD (Ritalin and then I switched to Adderall). Adderall is basically amphetamine lol; it's "mixed amphetamine salts". I stopped taking my meds after college though. Now, I have a caffeine addiction because I self-medicate with caffeine

 

[4am]

how tf did you get drugs as a teenager?

 

[Malaria]

Does caffeine addiction count? If so, that's my drug addiction.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

Currently, I don't consume substances, but months ago, I was addicted to inhalants.

I remember starting to use inhalants simply because they were easy to get, and I did it as SH.
I used to use deodorants and an acrylic can I had found.
I had seen on the internet that inhalants were very dangerous, and I started using them to see if I could have a cardiac arrest. However, I used inhalants for 6 months, and nothing ever happened to me.
In December, I stopped using them, although I had relapses (my last one was in January).

As for alcohol, I never had an addiction per se, but I remember drinking too much on 5 occasions because I wanted to experience being drunk, and I found it very enjoyable. However, I never developed a habit, and I haven't drunk alcohol since November.

Currently, my family tries to get rid of all solvents and alcoholic beverages they have at home. They are always making sure I don't use inhalants and trying to instill good habits in me.
However, it hasn't even been enough to take away my desires for CTB.

 

[4am]

how tf did you get drugs as a teenager?

 

[anotherlastchance]

how tf did you get drugs as a teenager?

Not that hard I live in the Netherlands so most city's got coffeeshops you just ask older friends to buy it.
other drugs you can get on the street a dealer won't ask for a an ID
And there are RC sites where you can order designerdrugs legally they also don't ask for an ID

Does caffeine addiction count? If so, that's my drug addiction.

An addiction is an addiction caffeine, nicotine, sex, videogames and food can all be seen as a form of addiction

 

[marchshift]

Screen addiction.

 

[Unicr0n]

Addiction to drawing. It got in the way of my social life and family life because the dopamine hits were too freaking strong. I missed my sister's concerts, graduation, buying a new car, my father moving out, pretty much 5 years of him being gone [never visiting], volunteer work, time I could've spent working a better paying job, the list goes on. I became real nasty when someone got in between me and my drawing time [which was around 18 hours a day 7 days a week with few breaks]. It was my escape from my mean mother, whose house I lived in.

After about a decade, I started becoming depressed. Art wasn't as interesting to me anymore. I think my brain finally started becoming tolerant to it and anything I created wasn't enough to keep that spark alive (could've been because I switched to more original art vs fanart [which hits those dopamine centers a lot harder]).

I went to college and managed to focus on other things. After a year though, the realization of everything I've done wrong caught up to me and the depresso expresso hit. I've found that art brings back pleasure in a depressing world and I fear that I am going to become addicted again and quit my job and ruin my future because of it. I think multiple times a day about quitting and just living in my car because I make enough money to survive off that alone [without the worry of paying for a house]. Even though I know it's a horrible idea.

 

[EternalDreams]

Started as a curious teenager, cough syrup weed and all that. Half a decade later struggling to quit benzo's or general drug use. It really is true what they say, like how you're gonna say its a one time thing, and it turns into a month and now you're doing it on weekends til it starts to become everyday just to feel normal. I'm tapering now and looking forward to sobriety as I think my drug use contributes to my idea of CTBing.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

My addiction was my eating disorder, first anorexia then bulimia. You go through all the cycles of euphoria and crashes that other addicted people go through. You can't stop for even a day, it takes over your entire life, your every last thought and feeling and action. Nothing matters but food. It's a horrible way to live but it allows you to cope with life...for a while at least. You start doing it to cope with other problems in your life, and then eventually it becomes the problem itself.

 

[GreyCTB]

When I was in college I started to take Ritalin to perform better a few times per week until it became normal for me to use everyday. I started trying some other things too after I figured out how nice Ritalin was but my first trip on shrooms was so unpleasant and intense that it scared me into sobriety. Only used medications for a few times after that and never again luckily. Drugs are not something for me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I honestly thought that I would probably end up becoming a drug addict one day, or at least an alcoholic or something. Sometimes I'm a bit scared about becoming psychologically addicted to shrooms (psychedelics aren't chemically addictive), so I must be careful while using them. I'll probably dialback my use of them after I tell my family about my suspension which I plan on doing once I get myself sorted out.

As of now, I've mostly been using them as a tool for better self reflection since they help me with being more in touch with myself and my inner being. I've come to realize that you can only benefit from them when you respect them, listen to them, and allow them to take over.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Kratom for now. Cannabis was making me more depressed eventually. Used to binge drink alcohol way farther into adulthood than I should have, it was the worst really but looking back I was way happier due its acceptable nature and (fake) social interactions it granted.

Anhedonia, social isolation, and lack of self-worth took away movies/music/pron/games. Ultimately these things are social/communication if you think about it (stories, musical expression, sexuality, scenario simulation). Art just makes me feel shittier because I have no talents and the artists are supremely superior. Drugs are just a cope to get enough energy to 'work on' getting my CTB ready which I am dragging my feet due to being pussy/SI/false sense of hope.

Doom reading and posting on SaSu is a new addiction for me. Only 'social' environment I connect with anymore. It is already making me even more depressed though. Seeing drug addicts on public transit interacting with the air in total psychosis and being ignored by everyone is depressing shit to see and really looks like my future at some point. What are people supposed to do though? There are so many people in that state now, ignoring them and focusing on one's own life problems like what to watch on netflix and pretending they'll never end up like because of their inherent goodness that is the drug of the masses there's no other way to carry on after seeing that stuff really.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Caffeine is the only substance that makes me incredibly debilitated if I go even 24 hours without it. Weird thing is even though I'm super addicted to it, caffeine's potency hasn't decreased for me. One can of Coke is usually still enough to keep me up for an entire night while an energy drink could keep me awake for over a day and a half. I'll still get a migraine level headache if I don't drink a simple glass of tea every day at minimum.

 

[sserafim]

Caffeine is the only substance that makes me incredibly debilitated if I go even 24 hours without it. Weird thing is even though I'm super addicted to it, caffeine's potency hasn't decreased for me. One can of Coke is usually still enough to keep me up for an entire night while an energy drink could keep me awake for over a day and a half. I'll still get a migraine level headache if I don't drink a simple glass of tea every day at minimum.

What kind of energy drink? I've never drank any before

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

What kind of energy drink? I've never drank any before

I've had Red Bulls and Monsters and they taste pretty awful. Nowadays if I really need an energy drink, which is rarely, I drink coffee energy drinks like the Starbucks Double or Triple shots you can normally find in gas stations.

 

[bieatmania]

Codeine DXM and DPH, also LSA sometimes and prescribed lorazepam but I never use them recreationally.
interested to trying Phenibut and Pregabalin soon. because more option = less likely I fall into heavily abusing one drug.
so it's OTC/Legal stuffs in where I live(Japan), they're all pretty expensive to buy especially DXM product so I don't get to abuse them daily, but when I do they always distract me from having negative thoughts. DXM especially is great for changing my perspective.

 

[sukiduki]

i dont think im at addiction level yet but i've noticed i've more and more trouble controlling my intake with alcohol. i can still function/go to work/spend time with people so i think i still have it under control. but when i am completely alone i often drink too much/have trouble stopping.

 

[Alex Fermentopathy]

Maybe an internet addiction.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Codeine DXM and DPH, also LSA sometimes and prescribed lorazepam but I never use them recreationally.
interested to trying Phenibut and Pregabalin soon. because more option = less likely I fall into heavily abusing one drug.
so it's OTC/Legal stuffs in where I live(Japan), they're all pretty expensive to buy especially DXM product so I don't get to abuse them daily, but when I do they always distract me from having negative thoughts. DXM especially is great for changing my perspective.

Good ol' mejikon メジコン? I tried moving to Japan during covid and it fucked me up mentally and that did keep me going. Clearly designed for abuse.

 

[falling_snow]

porn and masturbating

maybe alcohol?

 

[N33dT0D13]

Weed mostly, caffeine (more often lately), porn (less often lately), the internet, music, self sabotage
I drink very rarely, almost never, but it's hard to control myself when I do drink. It's similarly hard to control myself with energy drinks which I've been drinking more of lately along with soda and coffee, it's probs my favorite / most used self harm methods, drinking caffeine until it feels like my eyes are glowing and my skeleton is going to vibrate out of my body.

 

[sserafim]

Weed mostly, caffeine (more often lately), porn (less often lately), the internet, music, self sabotage
I drink very rarely, almost never, but it's hard to control myself when I do drink. It's similarly hard to control myself with energy drinks which I've been drinking more of lately along with soda and coffee, it's probs my favorite / most used self harm methods, drinking caffeine until it feels like my eyes are glowing and my skeleton is going to vibrate out of my body.

How do you know that you self sabotage? I didn't know that it was an addiction

 

[N33dT0D13]

I feel like I'm self sabotaging now cuz everything's been too peaceful, though admittedly it is hard to tell. I try so hard to make the best decisions but I often find that I end up putting myself into situations where I feel forced to make bad decisions. I keep doing shit I know will worsen some aspect of my life cuz it's easier or the alternative is scary cuz I don't know how it will end up. Failure and success both scare the shit out of me so it's often easier to do nothing, or waste all my time. Procrastination is a big part of it. I almost got evicted cuz I had an anxiety attack and decided to just not go to the meeting I was supposed to go to in order to resolve the rent issue (though it has since been resolved).

 

[SomewhatLoved]

My phone, but that's basically assumed for anyone of my age. Our whole world seems to revolve around social media. All socialization and plan-making with friends seems to be done through it. I hate it.

Also, porn. Was first exposed to it when I was probably 8 years old. It fucking sucks. I never feel good afterwards, but I still find myself doing it. At one point I went over 100 days without masturbating. That was during the happiest point of my life. I felt so satisfied that I didn't really feel the need to masturbate or watch porn. But now I'm back with it. I'm sure this goes for most addictions, but I feel like I find myself engaging in it the most when I'm at my lowest.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I don't get addicted to substances. I think it might be like that because I am neurodivergent. I tried a lot of stuff but never became addicted

 

[Red Moon]

I never got into drugs and alcohol. I am addicted to video games though.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

How do you know that you self sabotage? I didn't know that it was an addiction

Self-sabotage refers to when someone prevents themself from reaching their goals through action or inaction. This can be done conciously or unconciously. Some examples of this includes procrastinating on something that you need to do, displaying signs of self-destructive behaviours, and perfectionism.