What's your biggest regret? and would taking that back make you want to stop CTB?

[turbofly3ddeath]

Pretty much exactly what the title says, can't sleep and wondering what you guys think.

For me, it's my ex. Or at least going back to him or taking him back over 10+ times. My life would have been so much better without him to make me cry so fucking much all the time including so many different workplaces which made it hard to work, or losing the respect of my family, losing respect for myself. I let him have a huge impact on my life just for the highs I had with him and looking back, I see that I wouldn't be in the position I am with health, finance, education, or work if I had never met him or even just stayed broken up so many times before, like 2 years ago.

Before him, I had less drama and more happiness. I surrounded myself with so many great people and I lost everyone and I literally lost my mind. Anxiety, depression and then the recent finale of bipolar disorder.

I know that if I hadn't taken him back two years ago, I wouldn't be in this position today and I wouldn't have wanted to kill my self. But I guess that's life. Someone I convinced myself into thinking was Gods Gift was just the person I let destroy me.

 

[kohaku]

Same position as you, friend. My ex. Moreso freaking out and making him leave me than that kind of abuse, but it was inevitable. It wasn't his fault, but I got attached to people easily. It felt like he's become a part of me and someone just ripped that off when he was gone.

Asides from that... My biggest regret was being born. I'm autistic and being born to a shitty family in an uneducated environment made my life hell. Bullying, domestic violence, so on. So nothing could take back the trauma I've been through, really.

 

[Ruffian]

My career. If I had known I was getting an advanced degree that would get me a miserable job and a shitty salary, I would have just become a lawyer. They work all the time too, but at least they get big bucks

 

[Onomotopoeia]

My biggest regret was not moving to florida with my best friend when we were getting evicted. We where both in a pretty bad place at the time doing to many drugs to often, and we deserved to be evicted. We intended to go live with his brother in florida, I agreed at first and then weeks later chickened out.

I was suicidal then more than I am now in fact. At that moment when I decided to bail on my friend and hop into a car with a practical stranger to hitch a ride back to my home state of NY i was pretty convinced I would either die on the way or use that as a way to escape myself and set myself on some tangible track of being a productive human.

I was mostly correct.

I made it to NY with minimal drama and suddenly drugs fell away and my isolation began. Eventually I found myself back on the "right track" I stopped the drugs, got a job, fixed my credit, got a place of my own.

My friend went to florida with his brother kept doing drugs and well, things got worse for him for a while. I did not go with him because I expected things to get worse and I was afraid.

That was probably the only point in my life where i was suicidal and thought it did not logically make sense for me to kill myself. I WANTED to be better. More than that though I thought I could get better and the way there was to step away from my friend.

He moved to florida. We once had an in depth conversation about what a pivotal moment that was for both of us. I cannot place it anymore but that conversation haunts me. It was clearly pivotal and we both saw that just a couple years later. What we did not see at that time was that he would die shortly after.

as a pedestrian he was struck and killed in a hit and run.

I regret not going to florida because It felt like the right choice at the time except it really wasnt. Not because my friend died (although that as well) but because my life truly ended when i got in that car to NY anyway. Not once since then have I shared a single honest moment with anyone. I should have rode with him right to the grave if need be.

Edit: no it probably would not have changed my decision to want to CTB in fact i probably would have actually dont it already

 

[jayfox]

Mine was decided when I was born. Sick till I die . No matter what I changed I'd always end up in this awful state.

 

[Partial-Elf]

My career. If I had known I was getting an advanced degree that would get me a miserable job and a shitty salary, I would have just become a lawyer. They work all the time too, but at least they get big bucks

Same here. Four year degree, desirable job in field right out of school and I'm not making anything. Plus the job is geographically isolating, and a huge drain on my time and energy and emotion.

We need a better, quicker, more affordable system for reskilling. I'd prefer on-the-job training and apprenticeships over higher education with all its shenanigans.

 

[Jon86]

Mine was decided when I was born. Sick till I die . No matter what I changed I'd always end up in this awful state.

Pretty much this, i've been sick since I was 12, now 20 years later it's the same story. 20 years of depression, endlessly suffering, searching for cure/management of my disease. I was destined to be fucked, never had a chance.

 

[tomz323]

When I was 10 the child protective services we're involved in an incident in my house, I ended up 'wanting' to stay with my parents. (being 10 years old and not knowing anything else) I wish I could go back and end up in foster care I know I wouldn't feel as nearly as suicidal as I do now. Would have set me on a whole other path.

 

[Escaper Boy]

I'm always wondering what would happen if I were born in different family, different body, or even different country. It used to be a very addicting mental activity, playing around with the variables of "what if". I've realized that I simply couldn't accept the "reality" of where/who I am.

I dislike my background, family, genetic, and country of my birth. There was nothing to "regret" because I didn't choose them. It's just another depressing thought that I have to deal with.

 

[tomz323]

I'm always wondering what would happen if I were born in different family, different body, or even different country. It used to be a very addicting mental activity, playing around with the variables of "what if". I've realized that I simply couldn't accept the "reality" of where/who I am.

I dislike my background, family, genetic, and country of my birth. There was nothing to "regret" because I didn't choose them. It's just another depressing thought that I have to deal with.

That's a good point. Allot of things in life are out of our control, can't look back and try and change it.

 

[housecat]

There's too much uncertainty for me to say.

 

[k3v3r]

I have too many

 

[AhG]

Not coming to my wife sooner about things, then maybe I wouldn't be here...

 

[Hhhh]

I don't really regret anything... I've never had much control in my life. I guess I regret not taking more pills the last time I tried to ctb. I was really close to dying, at least that's what it felt like. Or maybe... not accepting the fact that I'm a lesbian sooner. I won't get to experience a happy love story before my death, unfortunately.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Only that I didn´t kill myself when I was 18-19.

 

[Jake.123]

Yes 100%. life still wouldnt be perfect but never is. If i could go back in time i wouldn't wanna ctb

 

[JadedGray]

That I put all my trust into doctors and took any prescription they gave me. It only destroyed my health even more. To be honest I don't think it would have made much of a difference, but maybe I could have at least experienced less pain and went out in the world more.

 

[TAW122]

My biggest regret would be that I am born with a developmental disorder called Aspergers and my life has just been difficult with it. It forces me to find different ways to achieve what I want to and sometimes even then, there are simply just things that I can't have that non-Aspies take for granted such as being able to read body language and cues, good social skills naturally, etc. If I wasn't born with it, I would say that I would be less likely to CTB, but I can't guarantee that life will be great as I still have to deal with shitty life circumstances that the majority of humans deal with too.

 

[lululoo]

I have many but don't even care anymore. What's done is done.

 

[elcade]

I think that my biggest regret is being reanimated (without my permission) at the time of my delivery.
I would have preferred that the medical team respects my choice and my body to leave.
and yes my life would have been different I would not have the chance to meet my child but I would have saved a lot of suffering that I suffered and my family

 

[Midnight]

I gave it my best shot ... Can't regret things that i had no power over and the things i can't change are the reasons i ended up like this. If you'd give me the same chance with no pre-knowledge i would probably end up in the exact same shitty spot which is right here and right now.

I really don't care anymore i just want out of this hellhole.