What’s the main thing stopping you?

[somerandomguy123]

For me the main thing that stops me is that one time I spoke to my mum and asked her what she'd do if I died. This was way before I ever considered suicide, and she told me she'd potentially end it as she'd feel like she's failed. She didn't mean this to make me feel guilty as she has/had no suspicion. But the idea that my parents would feel like they've failed me or played any part makes me feel so terrible. My parents have been model parents and I genuinely can't think of a single bad thing to say about them, but I know that they wouldn't be able to help but blame themselves. This destroys me and forces me to hold on.
Another large reason is my fear of never ending nothingness, being non religious its so scary to think of nothingness forever. But at the same time whenever I wake up from sleeping in the morning and all the pain floods in, it makes me wish I could experience the nothingness of sleep again.

 

[loneliness0]

Idea of sleeping forever and never waking up is something what is on my mind recently every time I go to sleep and wake up.

Emphaty for people left behind seem really normal. In my experiance when you get closer to serious CBT or emotions of wanting go right away is too high theses feeling suppress themselves to some level.

 

[LostInTheWoods]

For me it's just the fear of not die and living with permanent damages, and also i'm a bit afraid of the nothingness, but it would be something i'd easily overcome if i'd have the possibility to die withouth risking permanet damages

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact that suicide is cruelly made so unnecessarily difficult, it's horrible how we cannot just leave this existence in a peaceful way despite the fact that the only relief lies in death. I despise how we exist in this hellish prison world where we are expected to suffer no matter what despite the fact that we are destined for nothing but to die anyway. It really would be such a relief if we could just choose to easily die in peace.

 

[Division Day]

Yeah, just method issues. If I had a gun or a pill that would do it reliably and peacefully, I would say goodnight to you all today.

 

[Darkover]

lack of peaceful method

 

[sombie]

My family,they sacrificed so much for me to be where I am and it feels like I would be just wasting my chance at a good life also my death would destroy my mother and might set an bad example for my younger siblings that suicide is an option for their problems,I'm not living for myself because if I did I wouldn't be alive.

 

[SVEN]

Caring for a semi invalid partner and elderly dog who both love and depend on me.

 

[lattebrew]

Family and religion. Although it's mainly my family. I have hope that God will be somewhat forgiving.

 

[Aim]

The thought of being dead seem so lonely to me, and the fact that I will never see my fam again. It's also very upsetting that my abusers won. I feel like they won if I commit ctb. Even though i know my pain will never get better.

 

[m_account]

Uncertain if my method will work.

 

[red_pen]

My mom. That's really it. I'm just not sure how she'd take it. I think if I knew she'd just brush it off I wouldn't be hesitating still. But I don't want her to be seen as an outcast by the family or society (even if she is the source of a lot of my pain).

 

[Blue Elephant]

It's interesting to see how most people who are holding back from CTB because of their feelings for loved ones mention their mothers as their most loved one. I'm one of them too. I can't recall anyone who mentioned their dad. It shows how much females care for their children as opposed to males. It's very sad for me that males care so little, if I had a child I'd compete the shit with their mother to raise them as best as I can and make them happy.

edit: Haha! @RedHates I stand corrected.

 

[RedHates]

I'm still holding onto that last glimmer of hope that things can get better.
Also my dad always told us that he wouldnt know what to do with himself if he lost a child, especially to ctb. His brother died and he saw how it destroyed my grandpa. I'm scared that if i go too, I'll be destroying my dad like that. He used to tell me that ctb was "an entirely selfish act". thats kind of been engrained in me.

 

[FastForward]

My kids still depend on me. Though most of the time it's clear my family would be happier if I wasn't there moping around lol

 

[ABSOLUTION]

I can't recall anyone who mentioned their dad.

I'd say he is my most loved one by far, and has definitely been very significant consideration for not CTBing.
He is extremely caring and selfless for me and my siblings.

The people in my life are one thing to consider, but I am gradually approaching (if not already exceeding) a threshold where staying alive doing the barest minimum even just for the sake of those people is no longer worthwhile, and I would CTB regardless.

With that said, I almost certainly will not do anything until my bird dies. Unlike people, she physically relies on me. And I'm the only one I can trust to take care of her.
Only problem is that this species is known to live for possibly at least 5 years longer than it's current age... It's daunting to think about, but maybe I'd have a well researched, prepared, and optimized CTB plan for me ready by then, or I can somehow ensure her wellbeing in my absence.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Fear, mostly. Fear of failing and being exposed for being desperate and suicidal. Fear of failing and having to live with permanent damage or disability. Not to mention the fear of spiritual consequences as silly as that sounds. Not in the biblical-going-to-hell sense but more about not achieving Gnosis or being forced back into the material world all over again just wanting to escape it again but this time even worse than the last. Also the last time I was going to attempt some weird shit happened and made me feel like I wasn't allowed to, in some strange cosmic way

 

[rainyraes]

the lack of access i have to resources that would actually kill me, and my younger sister

 

[flower_g1rl]

inaccessibility of a safe and painless method in my own, secluded environment; briefest way to put it

 

[somerandomguy123]

My family,they sacrificed so much for me to be where I am and it feels like I would be just wasting my chance at a good life also my death would destroy my mother and might set an bad example for my younger siblings that suicide is an option for their problems,I'm not living for myself because if I did I wouldn't be alive.

I understand how you feel. I feel like it's so many wasted opportunities that you'd be letting others down by not taking.
J

It's interesting to see how most people who are holding back from CTB because of their feelings for loved ones mention their mothers as their most loved one. I'm one of them too. I can't recall anyone who mentioned their dad. It shows how much females care for their children as opposed to males. It's very sad for me that males care so little, if I had a child I'd compete the shit with their mother to raise them as best as I can and make them happy.

edit: Haha! @RedHates I stand corrected

When I mentioned parents I full well mean my dad, he's always done just as much for me as my mother.

 

[DepressedGata]

I know that the people I care about would be absolutely miserable if I were to CTB. I don't want to hurt anybody. My partner once said to me "I don't know if I would even be here today without you", which scares me, what if my CTB also leads to them CTB themselves? It worries me, and really makes me hesitate. (Plus... finding a peaceful method is kinda hard)

 

[movinout17]

It's interesting to see how most people who are holding back from CTB because of their feelings for loved ones mention their mothers as their most loved one. I'm one of them too. I can't recall anyone who mentioned their dad. It shows how much females care for their children as opposed to males. It's very sad for me that males care so little, if I had a child I'd compete the shit with their mother to raise them as best as I can and make them happy.

edit: Haha! @RedHates I stand corrected.

My dad too, though both of my parents love me. But, I'm the closest to my dad than anyone in the world it feels like, even though I struggle to love others in general. My parents both tell me they love me all the time, it's crazy for my guilt.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

For me the main thing that stops me is that one time I spoke to my mum and asked her what she'd do if I died. This was way before I ever considered suicide, and she told me she'd potentially end it as she'd feel like she's failed. She didn't mean this to make me feel guilty as she has/had no suspicion. But the idea that my parents would feel like they've failed me or played any part makes me feel so terrible. My parents have been model parents and I genuinely can't think of a single bad thing to say about them, but I know that they wouldn't be able to help but blame themselves. This destroys me and forces me to hold on.
Another large reason is my fear of never ending nothingness, being non religious its so scary to think of nothingness forever. But at the same time whenever I wake up from sleeping in the morning and all the pain floods in, it makes me wish I could experience the nothingness of sleep again.

For me it's just wanting no pain, I want to close my eyes and never awake again and cease to exist. Absolutely tired of life but people/laws/general practices almost force you to live, guilt trip you and/or lie to you ("it will get better") to keep you alive so THEY feel better. The pile on of life is one thing but the pile on you get when trying to end it is another

 

[stillvoices]

Failing again and having to be kept in a hospital. I also don't want to suffer in life but the way I die too. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

It is difficult to die without the help of a doctor.

 

[TiredTurtle]

Trouble getting what I need for a relatively peaceful attempt with a high success rate

 

[Murt]

For me it's the logistics. I'm so confused about a simple, reliable and semi- painless method. If I had one I'd definitely progress. I just can't even think clearly enough to do this.

 

[callme]

The voice of a fictional character, inspiration I never had irl to be something better?

 

[Manfrotto99]

Fear of possible pain from my chosen method, fear of the unknown, being trapped in a bad dream that I'm unable to ever wake from. I don't have anyone in this life who will miss me. Family will be glad. I only have my dog. I love her and am only hanging on for her. She's old and I know I'll overcome my fears when her time is up.

 

[sadlyexisting]

Probably my dog, I've had her since the age of 13, and she is very attached to me. I don't want her to see me dead, because my dog will most likely be the first living being that would find me dead.