Discussion What's the main reason stopping you from ctb for now?

[beyondbreath]

Mostly I am worried about my loved ones. I am particularly worried that my dad may kill himself in reaction.

 

[reapandsow918]

Being stripped away from my freedom and rights by the court. If you are not in good condition mentally they will strip away your freedom then you will have no ability to do anything left. Waiting to move out so I have the freedom to order whatever the fuck I need to order to move on.

 

[JoJo4673]

I want to die, but I don't want to want to die, if that makes any sense.

 

[beyondbreath]

I want to die, but I don't want to want to die, if that makes any sense.

I understand that, absolutely.

 

[TAW122]

My main reason is that I have recovered enough in life and things have been tolerable enough such that I am no longer actively wishing I was dead. So in short, you could say that while there were times in 2019 where I was close to wanting to CTB, two major turning points have helped me enough to allow me to not want to die (at least not in the current moment or any recent future). Another important reason is that I have some motivation to see more states pass death with dignity laws as well as finding various ways to push back against the pro-life/anti-suicide crowd in the long term, including debunking and demystifying their claims.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I gotta go to college as a plan B so I have to wait till the end of the academic year.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Just gotta get affairs in order ot a lot of work

 

[Werewolf1234]

My son and not letting have the same upbringing I had.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Too cowardly to go through with it so 'scared of the process of dying' and 'scared of non - existence' applies. Wracked my brain for so many hours trying to imagine what not existing feels like, no kidding.
And also because Im fighting a respiratory infection that weakened me severely to the point of barely being able to walk and my suicide bridge of choice is 200 km away.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

My kids .....

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

My father.
From his point of view, he has a disease in this strange country that speaks an alien language that he doesn't understand.
He basically relies on me for literally everything.
Once I've ctb, he has no help at all. I helped him set up his medical aid, I helped him learn to understand how to react when a cop is trying to fuck him over for being Russian, I even helped him learn to mime what he wants to say to some extent to make him a bit more independent.
Once I'm gone? Yeah, my lessons might stay, but there will be no help in the future, and considering how politicians just love reforming the medical aid every ten minutes here, that means he'd be fucked within the hour.

 

[issyishere]

If you are already thinking about regretting it, then maybe you need a little more time to think about things & consider all the things that are holding you to life and giving you that bit of hope? Perhaps there is enough there to keep you here for now. It shouldn't be done if there is thoughts of regret in yr mind already- imho.

Yeah i get it, there's no real reason for me to regret it, but i fear the primal part of my brain will just come up with a reason to stay alive.

 

[AnxiouslyDepressed]

Yeah i get it, there's no real reason for me to regret it, but i fear the primal part of my brain will just come up with a reason to stay alive.

SI is a bitch

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yeah t

Yeah i get it, there's no real reason for me to regret it, but i fear the primal part of my brain will just come up with a reason to stay alive.

yeah that quite natural but also important not to actively force away anything that might be giving you a little hope - if you know what I mean. But I can certainly relate to being in that no mans land of not wanting this pain but being too scared to take that leap into the permanent unknown. I know it is not always as simply as 'you must want to live then' ...I guess sometimes I have an urge to see if others still do have hope...even though I have none. I'm not sure if that can be perceived as hypocritical- I guess it is in some way. I want to 'save' others where I can't save myself. It just feels natural for me to do so, to try and be kind and help someone else- but I know that those kind of things people on here may already be fed up of hearing irl!
Why is it SO damn strong- I would have thought if you reach a certain point of depair- you somehow over come it, that is what I always read, people say- but I feel like I have reached that point- but still can't combat it! Yet!