bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
life continuing to get worse is worse than death in my opinion.
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Duqu
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
- Aug 27, 2018
- 452
I think I wrote this in another thread but I have this ridiculous fear of simply not existing. I mean, it doesn't make sense since everyone dies someday. But I get panic attacks just thinking about it. I also grew up in a strict christian household and while I don't believe that shit myself (and don't think I ever really did buy into it) I still have the "...but what if??" and the "go to hell if you commit suicide" and "hell for all eternity" thing kinda is whispering in the back of my mind.
Don't get me wrong, I fully plan to CTB especially when my cat dies (I know that sounds like a dumb reason but he's all I have right now and I'm all he has right now) and he's 11.
Don't get me wrong, I fully plan to CTB especially when my cat dies (I know that sounds like a dumb reason but he's all I have right now and I'm all he has right now) and he's 11.
SnowyDreams
Member
- Aug 25, 2018
- 79
Like many of you said I am terrified of failing. Everything would be so much worse if I fail. I need to succeed. It's hard because at least once a week I get a strong impulse of doing something I fantasize of, like stabbing myself in the stomach or jumping in front of a truck, I know that doing that would be stupid, but sometimes I feel like, a need to do it? It's so weird. And for a long time what's been keeping me here was guilt, because my parents would be sad and my sister would be scarred for life but honestly I know that my parents are going to be better without me... so yeah just trying to make a foolproof plan and not let my emotions betray me (again, because I was about to attempt several times, but because of said guilt I started crying and couldn't even move). sigh
I'm not scared of death, I believe in God. I deserve hell and don't deserve forgiveness, who am I to complain? I could change my acrions any time, but I don't.
I can't kill myself because I can't justify leaving me little sister (7 years old)behind with no father and an unstable mother. When she's older and I can distance myself, suicide will be my priority. I don't know how to justify it until then.
I can't kill myself because I can't justify leaving me little sister (7 years old)behind with no father and an unstable mother. When she's older and I can distance myself, suicide will be my priority. I don't know how to justify it until then.
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
My method is very hard (jumping). If I had a gun, N or SN I'd be gone already. Sometimes I have outburts of anger. In these moments I could do it immediately but they're shortlived and the trip to the bridge takes an hour. :/ On my way to the bridge I get very nervous and scared and when I'm there the fear has become too strong to overcome.
Any particular reason to your method of jumping?
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
It's cheap,reliable and almost instant.
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
BlackDragonof1989
Mage
- Jul 12, 2018
- 526
Death comes to us all eventually if it's the long drawn out way or the quick unexpected way so why fear this if the outcome is invevitable your going to find out sooner or later but at the end the ultimate decision is yours and yours only
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Kassender
Experienced
- Aug 29, 2018
- 210
That's what i tell myself lately.
I'm honestly beginning to be more scared of continuing life as it is than taking the step.
The bus is right there, waiting for me, but im really scared where it will take me.
If it takes me anywhere at all...
JayAOA
Member
- Sep 2, 2018
- 10
Nothing but survival instinct. I have what I need but not enough.
JayAOA
Member
- Sep 2, 2018
- 10
JayAOA
Member
- Sep 2, 2018
- 10
benzos with a lot alcohol and an anti emetic. if that sounds stupid then I'll go the carbon monoxide route.
I fear carrying on with this life so I'm going to fix it
MEoDP
Specialist
- Sep 2, 2018
- 347
- Fear of failure and dire consequences of it. (i.e ending up a vegetable)
- Currently lacking easy access to tools and resources for a surefire way of pulling it off with minimal pain. (and not being depressed/desperate enough to go out of my way to overcome this problem...at least,not yet.)
- Desire to acquire possible variety of future positive experiences. (Read the information section of my profile if you want details,maybe this is irrational,but those are my honest feelings)
That's it for now I suppose.
- Currently lacking easy access to tools and resources for a surefire way of pulling it off with minimal pain. (and not being depressed/desperate enough to go out of my way to overcome this problem...at least,not yet.)
- Desire to acquire possible variety of future positive experiences. (Read the information section of my profile if you want details,maybe this is irrational,but those are my honest feelings)
That's it for now I suppose.
I'm glad you have some positive thinking it's really hard for me all I see is endless blackness
Paulsmith
Student
- Aug 8, 2018
- 188
I don't fear death. The only fear is that I get caught with the method I'm donin
MEoDP
Specialist
- Sep 2, 2018
- 347
I understand. To tell you the truth,the only reason I can afford to be "positive" is because I have a few people I can depend on. I'm too slow,clumsy and incompetent to truly be independent.
But even then,I don't know if that'll last forever. Nobody is going to want to permanently support a burden. some of my family members might willingly to do it,but I don't know if I can live with myself doing that,and even if I could,would my life really be fulfilling following that route?
I just don't know,I'm confused as hell. I'm lost.
Which benzos are you attempting with? My past attempt combing zopiclone and etizolam went quite badly but are there better choices?
Ah, maybe that's a lot better but just be careful as benzos + alcohol can make you do a lot of weird stuff. I've read of a few people who were arrested. I blacked out for a good 12 hours, I ended up receiving treatment but the next day I was still out of it, couldn't really walk and struggled to eat because I felt I didn't have great control of my muscles.
Sorry if you've already done your research and this is patronising - just wanted to warn in case.
