W
whatever1111
Student
- Feb 16, 2019
- 195
I feel you...just trying to browse this forum to find a way freaks me out, after 3o minutes I'm exhausted…Terror. I need painless and instant.
I wish I managed to do it a month ago on an impulse
I feel you...just trying to browse this forum to find a way freaks me out, after 3o minutes I'm exhausted…Terror. I need painless and instant.
Conscious: haven't determined the best method
Subconscious: scared / deep down don't want to die*
* But I know my future is going to complete shit so I need to overcome the fear and sadness that the game is over
I feel you...just trying to browse this forum to find a way freaks me out, after 3o minutes I'm exhausted…
I wish I managed to do it a month ago on an impulse
My cats. I don't have a plan to avoid their stress if I'm gone. They are not use, like me, of contact with other people.
I don't want to see them old and die, but I can't leave them live the trauma of changing the home and to have to adapt to other people.
I'm scared of what happens after we die.
That's an impossible ultimatum you were given. Can you write them letters? I don't know how old they are. Ex needs to not intercept It as it sounds like she's alienating them. A letter for them each would give you the chance to express your love and commitment.
My ex left me and my son. It took time for me to come round although I never ever used little one against him. Anger does go in the end and I hope your Ex comes round. She is without question influencing the kids' view of you and their view of your love for them.
I learnt that you have to use the nice approach even if you want to punch them in the face. Could you write to your Ex also. Tell her how sorry you are for the hurt in a confident non grovelling but sincere way. Explain how much you want to see your children. Make it as nice as possible but be assertive. She probably wants to punish you indefinitely for this so you have to play the game.
I know when you feel so low it's hard to find the strength. I know your kids will love you they are just angry. If the nice approach does not work then threaten action if you have the strength. I wouldn't pull that card until you've exhausted all options.
You had an affair, so what. People do much worse and she will have to just get over it. Stop punishing yourself. There is so much hope there, you just may have to play the long game.
I think the letters are definitely the best option at the moment. Hope there is a way of getting them to the children / they are old enough to read them.
2. For some reason I keep telling myself things will get better even though they wont
.Survival instinct... The fear of failure and kept alive as a vegetable...
I'm afraid my mom suicide after me...
And most strong reason that stops me is my baby cat... my heart breaks when I thought him reaching me, calling me... missing me...
And most strong reason that stops me is my baby cat... my heart breaks when I thought him reaching me, calling me... missing me...
For what it's worth, I respect that, having made a commitment to other living things dependent on you, you want to be there for them. I want to adopt a rat but realize I couldn't leave while he/she still lived. Wish you peace.
1. Cant get/afford the things for a painless method.
I love rats they are amazing. It sort of makes me sad when people put up LD of medicines as I know the rats have had to die and they are so smart and have amazing boot button shiny eyes
Terror. I need painless and instant.
That would be so awesomeImagine if, underground organizations already existing, there were a sliding-scale fund to help people who are ready to leave but don't have the financial resources... I think this is manageable.
If anyone has any advice/facts they could give on any of those questions, I will be eternally grateful. The sooner this existence ends for me the better.For me right now, I'm physically ready to go but I seem to need an understand what is happening to me physically and medically as I die using my chosen method (partial). For some reason, during attempts, my brain whirls with questions about what's happening to me; how long until I lose consciousness? How long until I die? What parts of my body with die first and when? Will I feel anything (even while unconscious)? Will I struggle? The list goes on and on.
It's frustrating because in every other respect I'm ready.
I'm still trying to diecde on a method that is reliable - I don't want to fuck it up. If I carry out ctb I want to do so in europe which means finding a reliable, minimal pain method.I have a method that will work but I'm scared of what happens after we die. I don't want to be alive, the pain of everything that's happened is too much but I can't get over the fear.
I sent the children letters yesterday and then had the ex wife on the phone screaming at me to stop sending them letters as they don't want to know me, the children are a daughter that will be 21 in May and boy/girl twins that will be 11 in May, I'm kinda convinced that this will never get better for me unless I just jump off of Beachy Head and kill myself, I don't know anything about my children anymore, almost forgotten what they sound like and have no say in anything other than paying nearly £400 per month for them when they don't want to see me.