what’s still holding you here?

[Namensjemand]

My grandfather, hes 79 and very religious so he thinks I'm going to burn in hell if I kill myself. Not sure how much longer I can last though.

The Bibel itself doesn't ever say a single bad word about suicide. It in fact, once or twice, mentions suicide in a positive light, and that is it. Though under very very specific circumstances.

 

[anhed0nia]

I like what you said about not being able to appreciate an achievement that you're not around to see, that's interesting. My big excuse is my husband. I married him, and in doing so I promised that I would be around, so I consider myself stuck. Things would have to become much worse for me than they are now, somehow, for me to be that unfair to him. Sometimes I imagine him divorcing me now that he's seen up close what a complete wreck I am, and then I might develop the courage to end it. I have one friend who I worry would be really harmed by it. Other friends and family, I just cannot believe that they wouldn't get over it. I really imagine it as a temporary inconvenience. They'd be annoyed with me for being so burdensome, but like what else is new, really.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

mostly just lack of method. there's also a lot i'd like to do before i die, and i want to spend time with loved ones while i still can

 

[020x]

There are many reasons why existing truly is so terrible and feeling this way is just having awareness, there is nothing desirable about having the ability to suffer endlessly, trapped in a decaying flesh prison that we are slaves to, destined for nothing but to be tortured by old age.

I see existence itself as being the true problem as it's the source of all suffering so of course it's such a nightmare feeling trapped here, I could never wish to decay from age and suffer in the process, existence is a nightmare as there is no relief from ourselves and our thoughts, only death can bring relief for me. I just think being conscious and aware is a nightmare, I've only ever wished for nothingness, there's so much dread as to what lies ahead in this unpredictable existence where there is unlimited potential to suffer all while being aware of how futile everything is.

Old age is indeed super scary, something I will never allow to happen to myself. I've seen enough of them to not become one of them. Hopefully you'll find a way to escape the suffering tho.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

My little brother and this site.

 

[watercube]

SI and my girlfriend. I see myself caught up thinking about her everytime I contemplate CTB, it is sometimes depressing and sometimes infuriating, like, if I would not have dated her when I was younger would I have already CTB?

 

[DestinyRot707]

i have things i want to do and people i want to be with. no matter how hopeless and lonely i feel, no matter how much i want to die, ultimately at the end of the day i just want to do things and hang out with people. its not that i dont want to be alive, because i desperately long to just live, but it feels so impossible sometimes and if i cant live then i might as well just die. im sad even when i am doing things or hanging out with people, but its easier to push it off for a bit. i guess im still alive because im hopeful that tomorrow will be a little better than today was, and that one of these tomorrows ill wake up an the feelin of livin dead will be a distant memory

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want to hang on for my Dad to go first. I truly can't say with any certainty that I'll have the guts to go ahead with it afterwards though. I'm afraid- mostly of the pain and fear and risk of failure.

 

[Darkover]

governments restricting everything to prevent suicide

 

[delora]

Can't do that to my partner. He is an absolute light in my life and doesn't deserve the grief.
So for as long as I can see his smile, I'm staying.

 

[Sammie_com.sanrio]

Im waiting a few years maybe , if I give up before that to meet up for a double suicide and some cute plushies that will be arriving, Akutagawa and Fyodor

 

[Eternal Sleep!]

My grandfather, hes 79 and very religious so he thinks I'm going to burn in hell if I kill myself. Not sure how much longer I can last though.

Hell doesn't exist, it's just to scare people to live a good life and if you do that you go to heaven which also doesn't exist. It's all human inventions, hell has one goal fear mongering but if you think about it it al sounds it can't be true. It's all man-made bullshit.
So don't fear hell, it doesn't exist.

Fear. Every time I look at and contemplate my method, I get afraid. Some stubborn thing in my head says don't do it. Even though I know everything is shit and the suffering would end.

Same for me, I will use the SN method but fear of failure keeps me trapped here in this shitty world. Another reason that keeps me alive (for now) is my girlfriend, I love her so much, that I don't want to pass the pain on her because of my suicide.

 

[bestbeforetomorrow]

mostly it's laziness and I'm kinda afraid, it feels like i HAVE TO do stuff, i have to continue this cycle of work/home, i need to do it even if i don't want to
and sorry i didn't pm, wasn't in the mood to talking in pm, sorry
and i want to try therapy for a couple of years, maybe It'll get better

 

[FindingHome]

I need to gather the stuff I want to kill myself with and figure out which method and location. I want to have all of my affairs in order. I also want to complete some goals I have.
I need to gather the stuff I want to kill myself with and figure out which method and location. I want to have all of my affairs in order. I also want to complete some goals I have.

 

[ANONYMOUSM]

fear and lack of resources also hello fellow bungo stray dogs fan

 

[DazaiKinnie]

just like me, majority of the people here came to find similar people with same opinions because the anti-suicide media is extremely disappointing and hopeless.

yet. i didn't gain more courage to actually do what i was hoping for. the only thing i gained was simply relief. relief of finally being home. with people that understand me and that don't act like everyone irl and on the media.

my patience is very strong, i'm a calm person, i believe i gain nothing from ctb'ing because sadly i won't even know that i succeeded (can't be proud of what you can't witness). life is testing our patience, it's like it's trying to give us something new to suffer with after we overcome one thing, it gives another. suffering is part of our life, not the whole point of it. it's not supposed to torture us every single day. whether it's physical pain, mental illness, traumatic memories, extreme thoughts and stress, and yet still most of us are still here.

so back to the main question. what's holding you here? is it the things you love to do? family? lack of courage to actually ctb? patience? something else?

My hobbies and the project I am working on. After I finish my webnovel series and lead the project I work on in a good state then I will CTB.

 

[Maeve]

Don't want to traumatize my parents

 

[tramaj]

I'm hoping to fix my face before 2030 (if i'm able to get there)

 

[GM28]

Daughter but my ex won't let me see her often for no reason bar her being a horrible cow. And another ex may come back somehow, love of my life. Without them 2 live isn't worth living and better off away.

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

-The hope that I can undo the mistake that I made.
-Being scared of the suicide method. Scared that it might not work or be painful.
-Not wanting my mom to have to go through losing me

 

[Cepi]

My dream. I wanna revitalize the mental health system so people don't get to this point of no return and are just living a miserable existence. I think if people got the proper care by our government a lot of people would benefit and they would live life much better than we did. I believe mental health rehabilitation inpatient services could save millions of people and they would actually treat mental illness as a critical threat rather than a luxury. The whole reason I think people's mental health has gotten so bad is because the world is relatively safe now. We're allowed to have the luxury of acting out our darkest thoughts and feelings because all of basic needs are met. I know this is a big if but if humanity just worked together on bigger goal I think a lot of people wouldn't feel so lost in this world. Colonizing a planet would be good way to focus our attention on something to distract ourselves from own mind. It's not that human existence is so bad it's just that we've created a world with no meaning anymore for many. No meaning leads to negative life outlooks and negative outlooks leads to bad decisions which then becomes bad lives and then of course loss of life. The world is quite simple but we make it complicated whether we have control over what we become is unknown to me.

 

[eternal_peace]

when i attempt, nothing really happens, i always fail so i guess it's just i havent found the right method, well i do have a method but i wanna do something cool before I die but i don't have enough money

 

[atdeathsdoor]

Not having the balls to go through with it....S.I gets in the way every time

 

[fedupwithlife]

my love for my mom

 

[Life interrupted]

My family, fear of failing and becoming a vegetable and SI

 

[CH349]

Im only still here bc I cant find a reliable source of SN

It's so hard to find

 

[TheUncommon]

indifference

 

[Nothingisreal]

My fiancee, my two kids, fear of failing and becoming a vegetable.