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Silent_cries

Silent_cries

I wish I could delete my trauma...
Aug 10, 2021
1,031
For me it's two things, the first one is that I wish I was able to socialize and go out more without constantly being anxious about something and/or overthinking things and getting none stop intrusive thoughts and shit.

The second thing, is that I wish I was able to function normally every day without having to constantly do my rituals. I wish I didn't constantly have to think about where I step, what way I put things, what order I eat etc. It gets tiring you know. >_<
 
yellowjester

yellowjester

I'm only sleeping
Jun 2, 2024
115
It would be easier to list the things I am still able to do...

Above all else, I wish I was still able to immerse myself in a good book like I used to, not just read a few pages at a time. Also to fully enjoy music again would be nice (my nervous system doesn't properly respond to it anymore). Those two things would be enough to make me the happiest person om earth (at least for a while).
 
Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
1,142
Well, I would like to develop and function normally.
My life is not going in any particular direction. I'm standing still.
I could be in a completely different place right now if I didn't have current problems with myself.
I am losing my youth forever.
I'm worse than everyone I know.
I'm not good at anything because I have no motivation to do anything worthwhile.
I regret being who I am now.
I wish I had a goal, but I don't see it at all.

"Fortunately" I will finish this unfunny comedy soon and I will finally do something right (I hope).


I identify with the second part of your comment.
I also suffer (most likely) from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I also have my rituals that I follow.
For example, when I turn off the tap, I have to count to 10.
This is just one of many examples of my little rituals.
I waste a lot of time on this during the day.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,139
I'm unable to feel any sort of compassion and empathy for myself. I don't have any legitimate justifications, only pathetic excuses for my own misery. I understand other people need to have self esteem and self respect but for myself I just can't see that happening.

I also can't go to work without having to drug myself heavily with CBD in order to not have the threat of a panic attack looming over me.
 
NumbItAll

NumbItAll

expendable
May 20, 2018
1,057
Work, socialize, have fun, etc. Basically just normal life experiences that aren't rotting in a bedroom for decades.
 
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untothedepths

untothedepths

I am falling I am fading I have lost it all
Mar 20, 2023
433
Being able to travel, to have a job...to be strong emotionally, to have and maintain friendships.
 
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Tesha

Tesha

Life too shall pass
May 31, 2020
690
I'd love to feel safe and relaxed. Hypervigiliance has proven useful at times, but for the most it's thoroughly exhausting being constantly on alert.
 
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mythofsisyphus

mythofsisyphus

Member
Jul 6, 2024
19
To get that feeling as you lay in bed that it's been a good day, that everything's okay, you're life's going well and there's nothing to worry about. I guess you'd call it contentment. I miss this so much more than any of the more extreme feelings of joy or feeling ecstatic etc.
 
PinballWizard39

PinballWizard39

Student
May 3, 2024
133
In the most basic sense - 'Live' as in, live my life.
 
Silent_cries

Silent_cries

I wish I could delete my trauma...
Aug 10, 2021
1,031
Well, I would like to develop and function normally.
My life is not going in any particular direction. I'm standing still.
I could be in a completely different place right now if I didn't have current problems with myself.
I am losing my youth forever.
I'm worse than everyone I know.
I'm not good at anything because I have no motivation to do anything worthwhile.
I regret being who I am now.
I wish I had a goal, but I don't see it at all.

"Fortunately" I will finish this unfunny comedy soon and I will finally do something right (I hope).


I identify with the second part of your comment.
I also suffer (most likely) from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I also have my rituals that I follow.
For example, when I turn off the tap, I have to count to 10.
This is just one of many examples of my little rituals.
I waste a lot of time on this during the day.
Yeah, I feel that. It is really tiring. I just recently got one where I have to move the handle up and down a certain amount of time whenever I open or close the bathroom door, I also have to eat in a certain order whenever I have meals and take certain amount of sips of off the glass/cup when drinking. I could go on. I have a lot of compulsions. It really is all consuming. I feel for you. I hope you find peace my friend <3
Mind if I ask when your due date is if you have one?
 
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dragonofenvy

dragonofenvy

Mage
Oct 8, 2023
548
Be able to have basic friendships. A few people I know tell me about how they go to parties, hang out with friends, or just go out to restaurants with people which is something so basic that I've never experienced that I can't help but feel super envious about. I guess it doesn't help that I have almost no trust towards other people and am deathly afraid of getting close to anyone.

I never developed normally like everyone else and I figured that out early on. Since then, I haven't been able to know what a "good day" is like, or what looking forward to the next one is like too.

The other thing would be basic "common sense" tasks. There's just a lot of basic things that everyone else knows how to do. I was good at academics but when it comes to real-world problems I'm just useless and I can tell (or have been told) that I'm useless in those situations. I guess an example of this would be basic maintenance skills, how to operate/use certain things, or even something like cooking which I just can't get right, and eventually just gave up on. The one thing I'm good at is using computers but going to college for them didn't work out for me since I didn't know how to make myself attractive to employers.
 
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ForeverAlone_autist

ForeverAlone_autist

ugly 6’3 autistic guy whos had a rough start
Jul 7, 2024
38
Unable to get a partner due to autism and looks. My environment isn't great too
 
Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
1,142
Yeah, I feel that. It is really tiring. I just recently got one where I have to move the handle up and down a certain amount of time whenever I open or close the bathroom door, I also have to eat in a certain order whenever I have meals and take certain amount of sips of off the glass/cup when drinking. I could go on. I have a lot of compulsions. It really is all consuming. I feel for you. I hope you find peace my friend <3
Mind if I ask when your due date is if you have one?
I will most likely be dead in a few months at most.
But there is a possibility that I will die in a week. It depends.

At this point I'm balancing on a very fine line.
I don't need much to finish everything.

Either way, I'm approaching the end of my story.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brain hurts from all my "rituals".
Sometimes my brain can't believe my fucking eyes that I turned off the light.
This is difficult.
 
Serial Experi Pain

Serial Experi Pain

I hate me more :P
Sep 12, 2023
80
Sincerely smile. Believe compliments. Trust others. Go out to find like-minded individuals.
 
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Silent_cries

Silent_cries

I wish I could delete my trauma...
Aug 10, 2021
1,031
I will most likely be dead in a few months at most.
But there is a possibility that I will die in a week. It depends.

At this point I'm balancing on a very fine line.
I don't need much to finish everything.

Either way, I'm approaching the end of my story.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brain hurts from all my "rituals".
Sometimes my brain can't believe my fucking eyes that I turned off the light.
This is difficult.
I'm pretty sick of them too tbh. I do try to fight them sometimes but my anxiety usually gets the best of me.

Anxiety sure is a bitch.

I wish you luck with your ctb regardless of when it ends up happening btw. Just please stay safe! Wouldn't want you to end up a vegetable or anything.

Gl and take care! Giving you my bestest of wishes! Must fate be with you.
 
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Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
1,142
I'm pretty sick of them too tbh. I do try to fight them sometimes but my anxiety usually gets the best of me.

Anxiety sure is a bitch.

I wish you luck with your ctb regardless of when it ends up happening btw. Just please stay safe! Wouldn't want you to end up a vegetable or anything.

Gl and take care! Giving you my bestest of wishes! Must fate be with you.
Thanks.
I also wish you luck in whatever you plan to do.
 
Lady Laudanum

Lady Laudanum

Specialist
May 9, 2024
304
I have an EMT license but was never able to pursue EMS as a career because I have severe PTSD caused by an abusive partner who tried to crash the car on purpose multiple times when they lost their temper. I can still drive, but it causes me a lot of anxiety and there's no way I can do a job that involves a lot of driving.

Another thing I'm unable to do is maintain a healthy relationship. Despite my best efforts to surround me with people who have my best interests in mind, I either end up with abusive people or people who I scare off because of my insanity.
 
Silent_cries

Silent_cries

I wish I could delete my trauma...
Aug 10, 2021
1,031
Thanks.
I also wish you luck in whatever you plan to do.
Np, and thanks. I was going for recovery tbh, but I don't think I have it in me to go on anymore. I'm probably going to ctb rly soon but I have some more preparations to do first to ensure an as high successrate as possible. I just hope that if I do go through with it that it'll actually succeed.
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,561
There isn't anything that I wish I could do that I currently cannot. I have autism and the two major things that it affects me with is the ability to make friendships and the ability to wage slave as much as normies can (in addition to this is also me lacking common sense and other basic skills). Being with people made me realise that I'd rather be solitary which means I don't crave friendships. Also, I don't want to work or to have more common sense skills. As for the anhedonia, I don't care enough to want interests either albeit not having any interests does hurt.

There are things I can't do due to my autism and depression but I don't want to do those things anyway
 
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Arachno

Arachno

oh no :(
Apr 10, 2023
205
For me it's two things, the first one is that I wish I was able to socialize and go out more without constantly being anxious about something and/or overthinking things and getting none stop intrusive thoughts and shit.

The second thing, is that I wish I was able to function normally every day without having to constantly do my rituals. I wish I didn't constantly have to think about where I step, what way I put things, what order I eat etc. It gets tiring you know. >_<
I can relate a lot, I struggle with OCD a lot and I feel like it's gonna drive me insane soon. It persistently bothers me in my daily life, I can't even do the simpliest things without OCD tormenting me with it's bullshit, it really is tiring. My OCD is hard to explain but I constantly have to worry about having "the right thought" in my head or doing something "the right numbers of times" (I have to count to 18, If I don't get the right thought in my head by this count, I continue to 29, 49, 89, 118, 149 and up) just so I can do something.

I also wish I could function normally, but I'm mentally weak, get overwhelmed easily, overthink over things and can't socialize well. ):
 
E

Erring

Member
Jul 7, 2024
12
It's something very petty, but I've struggled running more than 3km due to asthma. I tried a lot when I was a teen to get into running but there's a hard barrier I can't seem to ever cross around that mark.
 

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