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What's keeping you here?
Thread starteranopenwound
Start date
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i don't have any suitable means to do it quick, methods with ingestion scare me because what if i regret it but can't do anything to stop it?
but also the idea something might give me a sign to live, i cling to hope that someone or something might save me.
Reactions:
lamy's sacred sleep, Praestat_Mori and anopenwound
Although it'd be better if I was already dead and objectively I wouldn't miss anything special if I died today I don't wanna die.
I'm not really happy with my current situation but it's also not that bad and still too good to just off myself.
Then there's the grief family is gonna have to go through bc they wouldn't understand the reasons. There's also the fear of failure and ending as a veggie.
The space in between. It's all so lukewarm. I don't feel anything – not happy but no suicidal either. Nothing sparks my interest but nothing makes me particularly desperate either.
Reactions:
anopenwound
music
i dont have any hope left, but the weather is nice
a kind of naive hope that my now long-distance relationship will see fruition through in-person validation and affection. maybe then i could function as a human
i say naive because i see people in similar positions—mentally, too—to my own and they never end prettily. maybe this is self-fulfilling. i don't fucking know
besides the fact that i dont have the supplies, i think the way id hurt the people i left behind. im also terrified about afterlife possibilities. what if its worse? what if im reborn? id hate that because im really hoping theres no more consciousness or afterlife. the uncertainty is too much sometimes.
I only continue to suffer as I'm so cruelly denied the option to just peacefully free myself from this torturous, futile existence I personally always saw as such a terrible mistake and never exist ever again, it's just so incredibly cruel to me how the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know it all just leads to decay and death anyway. I'd always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence suffering all for the sake of it and for me non-existence really is all that's positive and desirable, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering rather all I wish for is the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where all is forgotten, more than anything I just wish this existence was never imposed, I'd never wish for the suffering of existing.
I am fraid of surviving the attempt and find myself in a much worse situation that I am in. And I am also terrified by the physical pain that I would feel during the attempt
Reactions:
anopenwound, Christian1986, pthnrdnojvsc and 1 other person
also hanging on to the small bit of hope something changes, weary about all the welfare checks going on right now so I am too nervous to buy from a source. Plus my loved loves of course.
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