My brain can't comprehend what it's like to not exist and it nevertheless keeps trying and the results are terrifying, like staring into the sun for too long. So, that fear and brain short circuiting keeps me here.
muffin222
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2020
- 1,188
I'm still not 100% certain if I actually want to die. I don't believe ctb should be a rash, hasty decision because it's permanent, so I'm just continuing to live my life day by day until I'm certain about what I want to do
Cant Maintain
Garbage Fire
- Aug 21, 2020
- 147
-don't want the family I disowned to desecrate my shell
-occasional reprieve from the wake up, cry, ideation, cry, go to work and mask, cry heavily, sleep as long as possible, repeat routine.
-I'm houseless and staying at a friends on the couch, times where I have privacy for the amount of time needed are real hard to come by.
-want to give myself a bit of time to attempt to recover, and take care of some preparations.
We'll see how I feel when my stuff gets here though, honestly things could go either way.
-occasional reprieve from the wake up, cry, ideation, cry, go to work and mask, cry heavily, sleep as long as possible, repeat routine.
-I'm houseless and staying at a friends on the couch, times where I have privacy for the amount of time needed are real hard to come by.
-want to give myself a bit of time to attempt to recover, and take care of some preparations.
We'll see how I feel when my stuff gets here though, honestly things could go either way.
Nymph
he/him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 2,565
Aw, I love rodent pets!
Also scared of failing but I hope SN is good enough. What do you mean with naivety?
I like your last point, try to get as far as possible but If things get too much I'm not here to stop you wish I had that strength. I was considering going to a forest so I'm not found early
Cant Maintain
Garbage Fire
- Aug 21, 2020
- 147
There's a few big factors that can cause an acceleration; losing more friends, political stuff, my state insurance lapsing because I might make 50 bucks more than allowed to stay on or something.
Yeah, idk, there's something morbidly comforting about having a plan z all ready to go on a whim.
I guess if I just look like I'm sleeping no one will ask questions since I sleep a bunch. Still would rather be alone to avoid any interruptions though.
Yeah, idk, there's something morbidly comforting about having a plan z all ready to go on a whim.
I guess if I just look like I'm sleeping no one will ask questions since I sleep a bunch. Still would rather be alone to avoid any interruptions though.
MartyByrde
Experienced
- Mar 15, 2020
- 286
The hedonist inside of me keeps wanting one last hurrah. Then I go for it, come down eventually, and end up too depressed to do much of anything but wallow.
Deleted member 18655
Enlightened
- Jun 4, 2020
- 1,422
searchingfreedom
Member
- Jun 5, 2020
- 21
Me too
I suppose by naivety I meant I still have idealizations that somehow things will get better for meThe thought that true love is around the corner. But I am losing hope every day and my addictions are the only thing keeping me alive. My current job makes me depressed, and my other job I can't work at right now. I fall in love with my friends when I probably shouldn't. If I knew my attempt would be successful and my family would be able to move on I would do it tonight. I would take everything that is toxic in my house. I have a two-year plan though. I am growing oleander once it is big enough I will make tea and eat all the seeds. I have been ready for it for a long time.
Goghaway
Member
- Aug 20, 2020
- 31
Holy shit! I thought I was crazy! I'm waiting for the election too!!!
[
QUOTE="rt1989526, post: 838742, member: 20398"]It just makes sense for me to do it in early November. Likely going to get laid off from work in the next month or so, parents are out of the country until then, plus I kind of want to see the results of the US election lol.
[/QUOTE]
Are you actually in the US? Or are you like the rest of the world and laughing at our shitshow circus freak dumpsterfire like the rest of the world?
Ugh fail. Lol
Last edited:
[QUOTE="Goghaway, post: 839341, member: 209
I'm in Canada, so I'm not there but I'm still right there. You'd be surprised how invested in US politics Canada is. We have our own problems up here with our own blatantly corrupt government.
But we should probably not hijack this thread into a political thing lol im just really curious to see who wins this time
I'm in Canada, so I'm not there but I'm still right there. You'd be surprised how invested in US politics Canada is. We have our own problems up here with our own blatantly corrupt government.
But we should probably not hijack this thread into a political thing lol im just really curious to see who wins this time
Goghaway
Member
- Aug 20, 2020
- 31
Joey
Enlightened
- Jun 14, 2020
- 1,432
greekyfish10
i’m kinda screwed in the head but aren’t we all
- Aug 1, 2020
- 51
fear of what happens after. i mean honestly who knows what's actually true or not but i don't know. i don't wanna end up somewhere worse.
Goghaway
Member
- Aug 20, 2020
- 31
Checkmate3
Student
- Aug 15, 2020
- 100
Freaking post office. Taking too long to deliver my meto and lol. I wanted to CTB on my birthday, so my birthday would convert into my deathday, but it's too late now. Oh well.
Goghaway
Member
- Aug 20, 2020
- 31
Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️ Sometimes I'm stressed
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,828
Hoping things will get better. For me it's financial mainly, and I'm too old to be taken seriously for most jobs (have run own business for years, it's now fucked because of my letting it run into ground for 2 years after splitting up with wife).
I thought my luck had changed this month, have 1 job in for £1K, another probably for £700, I thought I had another for £3600 (might still get that but they've gone quiet - they have done this before and ended up using me so fingers crossed), and possibly another job on the horizon for £700-£1K, and some bills to send out next month for c.£750-£900.
If all those had come off that would be c.£5K in one month, then another £1500-£1900 next month.
So far only £1K job is in :(
Also need to find more work for following months - that's why it gets so stressful, I have to do the marketing/call people, find the customers, do the selling, do the invoicing, do the work - ironically if I can get more work in can start subbing some of the time consuming stuff out, which will ease the pressure.
It feels like a recurringly disappointing and gigantic mountain i have to climb.
I thought my luck had changed this month, have 1 job in for £1K, another probably for £700, I thought I had another for £3600 (might still get that but they've gone quiet - they have done this before and ended up using me so fingers crossed), and possibly another job on the horizon for £700-£1K, and some bills to send out next month for c.£750-£900.
If all those had come off that would be c.£5K in one month, then another £1500-£1900 next month.
So far only £1K job is in :(
Also need to find more work for following months - that's why it gets so stressful, I have to do the marketing/call people, find the customers, do the selling, do the invoicing, do the work - ironically if I can get more work in can start subbing some of the time consuming stuff out, which will ease the pressure.
It feels like a recurringly disappointing and gigantic mountain i have to climb.
Breadbfra
Specialist
- Jul 16, 2020
- 374
Only child, girlfriend whose mother died by S in 2018. What else could go wrong, except for destroying their lives forever
airboy_a380
Can´t wait to find Neverland!
- Aug 12, 2020
- 247
GonnaGoBye
Will die soon
- Jun 30, 2020
- 109
MyChoiceToLeave
Psychiatry Destroyed My Life
- Jul 4, 2020
- 69
I have nothing left. I'm only around because I don't fully understand the methods because there is so much to read and I have so much brain damage caused by psychiatrists.
Just my less energy level and My willingness to do nothing and just comfy sleeping.. too comfy sleeping.. i know it's depression but it's bad and getting worse, i need to Go, soon.
dec132013
Member
- Aug 6, 2020
- 98
Worried about the reaction of whoever finds my body. I'd rather have a necrophiliac/cannibal be the first to find me than my parents, at least it'd be the best day of their life rather than the most traumatizing one
Commandocoki
Member
- Aug 23, 2020
- 21
I have this stupid idea that has been disproven time and time again btw, that something in my life will get better. But what's worst is I really have this idea that the perfect person exists out there and being with them, getting married and living life with said partner would bring me full happiness and I'd regain my desire to live. That part, I've gotten glimpses of and realize it's entirely possible...but chances of finding somebody real who won't eventually hurt me...well that's been the hard part.
Literally nothing else keeps me here.
Literally nothing else keeps me here.
