Discussion What’s keeping you from CTBing?

[Nymph]

For me it's my bunny-Genji and my hobby of playing games. I'm in the beginning of bioshock and it's pretty cool. Another reason is my parents, my dad has depression and is pretty emotionally unstable and if I ctb he told me he'll die too. I'm not sure if they're manipulating me, he said that he lives and works only so that I can be happy, that's a nice thought but how about you didn't have a baby in the first place? Especially since you're depressed, now I'm depressed too and I'm actually gonna commit suicide. On the other hand I'm not sure how my mom would feel, one day I feel like she would be devastated and other days I feel like she wouldn't give a fuck.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Just physical pain. If I could achieve guaranteed numbness in my entire body I would destroy it immediately, I would smash my head against the wall until death.

 

[Nymph]

Just physical pain. If I could achieve guaranteed numbness in my entire body I would destroy it immediately, I would smash my head against the wall until death.

Yeah, I'm also scared of pain but I'm hoping SN won't cause any.

 

[mathieu]

Every method seems to be too difficult or painful. Overcoming SI is hard.

 

[Done at Fifty]

I simply can't bring myself to upset others. I want to separate myself from others as much as possible first. Suicide makes people blame themselves even if the deceased had severe depression.

 

[ocd is bad]

My parents would be sad

 

[Nymph]

Every method seems to be too difficult or painful. Overcoming SI is hard.

I feel you, I wish N was legal

 

[PJFord]

Just tying up some financial and other items. Also I'm researching a lot here on SS to make certain my attempt is successful. I don't want to fail at this and have to deal with all the issues with that.

 

[Nymph]

Fear of failing and being left alive in a worse state disabled or with less functioning brain power.

Yes that is one of my fears too, but I think SN is pretty reliable unless I get caught. What is your method?

Just tying up some financial and other items. Also I'm researching a lot here on SS to make certain my attempt is successful. I don't want to fail at this and have to deal with all the issues with that.

Yeh that would suck. It's cool you're researching though and not being impulsive. Kudos

 

[Nymph]

I have too many methods .Must have adhd or something. i need to decide and focus on one. But many methods
if you are found and revived then you can get brain damage. Also i don't know if si will kick in and i will call for help which would also leave me in a worse state even if i don't get brain damage i could get committed into a mental hospital or something . so for example if try i SN how to make sure i won't call for help? i think i won't but i've seen so many do .

The calling for help is like an instinct? Like yo I can't stop it? I think maybe taping your mouth after you ingested the last thing could help. Because then you should be unconscious soon after takin it

 

[clocktower]

love for my family and occasional false flickers of hope.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

The calling for help is like an instinct? Like yo I can't stop it? I think maybe taping your mouth after you ingested the last thing could help. Because then you should be unconscious soon after takin it

I mean lets say i drink the SN then the si fear kicks in right after i drink it then i could just call on my phone or text for help . But i don't want to do that how do i make sure i can't reach a human i guess only going to a location where the cell phone can't reach or people aren't close by ?
Sounds like a good idea for a thread topic:
"for example if i try SN how to make sure i won't call for help? i think i won't but i've seen so many do .

 

[Nymph]

I mean lets say i drink the SN then the si fear kicks in right after i drink it then i could just call on my phone or text for help . But i don't want to do that how do i make sure i can't reach a human i guess only going to a location where the cell phone can't reach or people aren't close by ?
Sounds like a good idea for a thread topic:
"for example if i try SN how to make sure i won't call for help? i think i won't but i've seen so many do .

Yeah you could post a thread like that. But yes, go into a forest or whatever, throw away or destroy your phone and only take the necessary items you need for the ctb.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

1. fear of failing
2. lack of willpower due to depression
3. not actually having a method I have both decided on and have easy access to (difficult to get sn here)

 

[Nymph]

1. fear of failing
2. lack of willpower due to depression
3. not actually having a method I have both decided on and have easy access to (difficult to get sn here)

Sorry you're having difficulties getting SN, sounds horrible. Do you have any other methods? Where are u from?

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

1. I'm scared of failing again
2. There is one person who treats me nicely

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Sorry you're having difficulties getting SN, sounds horrible. Do you have any other methods? Where are u from?

Yes, it is hard.
I think if I actually had sn in my possession, I would be able to cope better, just knowing I have that option at my disposal.
I am from the uk.
Otherwise been thinking about partial.

 

[Nymph]

1. I'm scared of failing again
2. There is one person who treats me nicely

Do you think that person could understand why you ctbed and accept it? ( that you left by your own will and wanted to)

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

Do you think that person could understand why you ctbed and accept it? ( that you left by your own will and wanted to)

He knows that I'm suicidal. I think he would accept it, but I still enjoy talking with him.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

In order.

My cats
I have some money to blow
Waiting until my kid is 18
Fear of failing
A tiny amount of hope of getting better

 

[socrates]

love for my family and occasional false flickers of hope.

Same! I'm also afraid screwing up and death.

 

[Jadedcat]

I'm too scared to and scared of failing and ending up even more messed up. My motivations are from suffering primarily.. I don't actually want to fully die but I just can't cope anymore and I don't know what to do. My courage seems to be building as the days go on though. Hopefully I can overcome my fear.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

1 person who really cares about me and tries to make me feel better.

It doesn't help as much, because it's over for me. My mind is too damaged to keep living.

Also I am about to break up with this person, so I am free.

The only things that left are buying a rope (not gonna be a problem probably) and finding a good place for a full hanging.

 

[Deafsn0w]

Top reasons that keep me from ctbing
1. Survival Instinct. I don't understand why killing yourself is so hard. I seriously want to die.
2. My family. I don't want them to blame themselves for my suicide.
3. My brother. He is my favorite person in the world. I would miss him so badly if I ctb
4. Scared that my suicide method might wont work

 

[searchingfreedom]

1. My two guinea pigs. I love animals and they bring so much joy into my miserable existence.

2. Naivety

3. Fear of failing my attempt and ending up being severely impaired.

 

[XYZ]

Survival instinct. I have not been able to overcome it. I don't think it's because I am not ready. I think evolution has made sure SI is strong enough to prevent me from killing myself. My selfish genes won't let me do it. My selfish genes are fighting their own survival match and kicking my ass in the process.

 

[LurkerMcGee]

Inability to procure the things I need to do it.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Apparently I'm just too stubborn to even die.

 

[rt1989526]

It just makes sense for me to do it in early November. Likely going to get laid off from work in the next month or so, parents are out of the country until then, plus I kind of want to see the results of the US election lol.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

• haven't gotten everything ready yet
• younger sister
• want to finish some projects before i die