I dunno what to write here so I'm just gonna go into it. I'm in the uk
I've got a therapy session tomorrow and I'm going to give them my ultimatum. This coming Thursday im taking myself to some cliffs fairly nearby and im jumping. If they section me so be it, I can't handle the guilt over killing myself and I don't want to hurt everyone around me but I can't carry on, that's why im giving them control. There was a time before they said I needed to be an inpatient but they didn't have any beds so I ended up not going in, if that happens this time it's my sign
I chose Thursday cos the weather looks the nicest, it's still not gonna be a super nice day but it shouldn't be too windy or wet. The cliff is 77m high and I'll land on rocky ground. I think it's high enough but I imagine if it doesn't kill me instantly the wounds should fairly soon - I doubt anyone will find me very quickly
I don't know whether to fall backwards or forwards, I think backwards will be easier to push through the SI. I'm gonna leave my bag where I jump with my wallet in and my note if I decide to leave one but I'm still not sure. What are you supposed to write lol
Before I jump I want to listen to golden brown by the stranglers, time by pink Floyd, and finally the wall by pink Floyd, it's my favourite album of all time. I think I will jump during one of my turns
I'm scared but excited, sad but ready. I feel terrible that I won't be around for my baby niece growing up, I hope everyone tells her how much I loved her. I wish I could explain why I won't be coming home to my cats but they'll be loved still. I feel guilty for my friends but they'll move on. I hope the person I've been speaking to recently about my mental health won't blame himself - hes trained so probably understands that he isn't to blame but I dunno. He reminds me a bit of my dad but without the scary bits
I've been a member of this forum for a short while but I've not said too much. There's been a lot of helpful information here so thanks for that
I've got a therapy session tomorrow and I'm going to give them my ultimatum. This coming Thursday im taking myself to some cliffs fairly nearby and im jumping. If they section me so be it, I can't handle the guilt over killing myself and I don't want to hurt everyone around me but I can't carry on, that's why im giving them control. There was a time before they said I needed to be an inpatient but they didn't have any beds so I ended up not going in, if that happens this time it's my sign
I chose Thursday cos the weather looks the nicest, it's still not gonna be a super nice day but it shouldn't be too windy or wet. The cliff is 77m high and I'll land on rocky ground. I think it's high enough but I imagine if it doesn't kill me instantly the wounds should fairly soon - I doubt anyone will find me very quickly
I don't know whether to fall backwards or forwards, I think backwards will be easier to push through the SI. I'm gonna leave my bag where I jump with my wallet in and my note if I decide to leave one but I'm still not sure. What are you supposed to write lol
Before I jump I want to listen to golden brown by the stranglers, time by pink Floyd, and finally the wall by pink Floyd, it's my favourite album of all time. I think I will jump during one of my turns
I'm scared but excited, sad but ready. I feel terrible that I won't be around for my baby niece growing up, I hope everyone tells her how much I loved her. I wish I could explain why I won't be coming home to my cats but they'll be loved still. I feel guilty for my friends but they'll move on. I hope the person I've been speaking to recently about my mental health won't blame himself - hes trained so probably understands that he isn't to blame but I dunno. He reminds me a bit of my dad but without the scary bits
I've been a member of this forum for a short while but I've not said too much. There's been a lot of helpful information here so thanks for that
it is but its not and our suicidal talk should be heard and not belittled and put into the category of BPD trait. Its not realistic as we at time have intent. The thoughts are active NOT passive and need to be acted on. I am sorry yours seem not to have been and i hope you find a path of peace whatever way that turns to be. Try A&E they tend to take the desire to end more seriously then the CMHT etc ?!?
