Discussion what’s holding you back?

[willitpass]

for me it's mostly the fear of failing- i already attempted once this year so if i do it again and fail i will definitely end up being sectioned. it's also a little bit of the guilt of leaving my family behind... what's stopped you from ctb?

 

[TAW122]

Some pressure and guilt from family (as I've been living under their roof since this beginning of 2020 due to a change in my living arrangement), then of course, the pandemic stifling my ability to access my method (firearm - which I stored away in another city, far from where my parents live), and then not having the privacy like I used to when I lived away from home. Mainly logistics and the pandemic putting things in limbo and the uncertainty of things.

Part of me regrets not just CTB'ing end of December 2019 had I known that 2020 is a shitshow (the pandemic, the worsening of my QOL as well as other circumstances and factors).

 

[Acerakis]

I don't have the courage to go through with it right now but I feel like if anything else goes wrong in my life it will get me there.

 

[ZardozOmega]

fear of failing, mostly. there are also a couple of things i'd like to see before death

 

[Thirdtimesthecharm]

Guilt of leaving family behind with grief

 

[moonchild]

I don't even know? It used to be not wanting to fail, but I feel like SN is quite fool-proof so I'm no longer having any worries about that.

Besides that, I'm mainly thinking of my baby brother. I was his mother when our actual mother couldn't be there, and I feel so so so responsible. It's a privilege to have someone older guide you trough life, and I want to give him everything I didn't have.

 

[rikamonie]

before now was being unable to get a peaceful death or 100% reliable method, but now all thats stopping me is corona and waiting, i have to wait for sn to arrive and then i have to wait for hotels to be open again thats all

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I'm a piece of shit that can't get it right. It's so infuriating! I don't have access to mostly reliable methods such as SN and so I have to try partial hanging for example but you either get it right or you don't. Even taken an overdose and it did nothing. I wish assisted suicide as a legal thing as I would opt in straight away. It mentally hurts to wake up everyday just to get up and live life for no reason.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm just waiting for the lockdown to end, so I can return home. At the moment I'm feeling fairly certain about it, thanks in no small part to the updated thread about the night night method

 

[suffering]

Survival instinct...

 

[prochoicefriend]

I have failed once last year. This year, I was looking for things to change. 2020 turned out to be a shit show. Things are much harder now that people know I am suicidal. If you are serious, never tell other people about it You will only make things harder for yourself.

 

[disconnection]

Quite a hefty, shitty combo:
Haven't been able to get SN yet and can't manage to hang
Guilt at what I'll do to family
If I fail I'll be street homeless

Which sucks because I am ready now. Although not ready enough to risk a more violent method I suppose. Saying that, if I could think of somewhere nearby which was high enough I'd have a go at jumping. The thought absolutely terrifies me though in a way which drinking poison just doesn't.

 

[Tesha]

My children; although they are getting to the age where they might understand my wishes.

 

[sadghost]

I don't have the materials yet & I'm also not quite ready to leave everyone and everything behind just yet.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

I've got the camel and the back, just waiting for the straw.

 

[emie_]

The extreme guilt for the pain I would be inflicting on my loved ones if I do it

 

[Woodnote]

My dogs. I'm so scared of leaving them. They've always been there for me. I'd hate to just abandon them.

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

Total wussy...….imagine failing

 

[Saddaisy]

Nothing... well time and no privacy. But otherwise I just gotta wait.

 

[Toptock]

Call me selfish but I don't really think about the people, or how my death will leave them feeling, I think the only thing holding me back is part of me knows I don't really want to die, I just want to get as far away from this place as possible. And death is the only real practical option. I want to die, consciously, I know there's no point to trying anymore. I'll always fail at everything and I'll always be a secondary character written out of everyones lives, so I might as well write myself out permanently. It only makes sense.

 

[FriendofDeath]

What it might do to my mother and I live with 3 cats and care for 4 ferals. They are pretty special. Might still have a few things to do.

 

[willitpass]

Mainly fear of failure. I can't handle another hospitalization or deal with the social aftermath of a failed attempt. I'd lose almost everything I've gained over the past two years.

i'm in the same exact boat

 

[KibblesNBits]

Fear of pain, failure and surviving with disability.

 

[Krash1990]

Fear that life could get better... and fear that what comes next might be worse than this existence.

 

[Desi]

My nephews. I know what a suicide in the family is like. Don't want to hurt them, they're still little. Haven''t found a way to mitigate the risk for them.

 

[STK]

Plans are currently on pause short term while I get my friend into therapy. She needs some help and support right now and the extra help with therapy has a chance to make the world of difference for her

 

[Starcitty]

I'm sensitive emotionally and physically. I have dreams that I also want to accomplish also. Some dreams I can't because of my mental health but I'll try my best. I'm not sure if I'll ever go through with it but the thought brings me slight comfort.

 

[SunInTheShade9]

Not succeeding is my biggest fear, by far.
Been there, done that. Xx

 

[lymestolemylife]

I don't want to die I just want to get better but that's not gonna happen obviously.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Not being on my own, no trust to be allowed out alone, just simply put, being alone is impossible right now, this is holding me back! I cannot see myself being alone for a long while, this is frustrating to me