Whats even the point anymore

[lostinthesauce]

I honestly just want to die right now. But i have no money for SN and also I live with my girlfriend so it's probably a bad idea. I know I'm relatively lucky to have her and she cares about me but I am just so depressed all the time I am so broke I can't even complete college and ahe already has her degree so I'm stuck working minimum wage jobs while she makes 22 an hour and I'm always behind on everything because I am just ao fucking broke. I actually just want to kill myself right now like drive off a bridge or find a rope or something but those scare me because they have the potential to fail. I guess all methods have the potential to fail but damnit I just want some SN. I don't even know where I'd find antiemetics or anything like that either. I just wish I could peacefully die in my sleep tonight. I've had cysts for years and chronic illnesses for years I havent done anything to care for so I'm lowkey hoping sepsis will take over and kill me instead
I actually want to die so bad I don't even know what to do I genuinely can't keep doing this anymore all I ever do is be a huge burden on those who love me. I wish I could get tboned while driving and the force and the pressure from being crushed instantly kills me. That'd be nice.
Can anyone please, please send me a link to buy SN. i live in the US. I have heard its on amazon but thats too risky for me. I know I said I'm broke but if I'm gonna die then it doesn't really matter.