What's bothering you right now?

[allesistgut]

i wish i would have gone through with my attempt. i can't believe when it came down to leaving i couldn't even get myself to leave the house. i feel pathetic and angry at myself for not going through with it. i just want things to be over already. and now on top of things my money is really running low because i was spending the little i have a bit more freely as i was planning on leaving but now it's just adding more stress.

 

[zombiekitty]

Her. I miss her so much. I pin for her so much. I want to run away from her but I don't want to ruin the friendship.

Family. My grandma's at hospital and I'm being asked to go there. I have a lot on my plate for work this week. Also I'm just trying to get by my responsibilities amidst this low point (running for weeks now). I don't think I can handle more.

My suicidal tendencies come and go. But this one's taking quite some time now. One of those days I guess.

 

[Manaaja]

I wrote a thread about it, but basically, I'm feeling emotionally dead. I wish parental abuse didn't exist.

I feel really awful.

I'm having some really unhealthy thoughts. I don't know how to be. Who I am? What am I? I don't know. I'm having a complete mental breakdown. My head hurts.

I'm scared, really scared. Someone show me healthy love. Does it exist? I don't know. I have to be my own parent, own lover. own sibling, own everything, because I can't trust anyone else to do it for me.

The worst thing about parental abuse is that no matter how much you hate your parents you still think "Geez, parents=best, and if my parents are this horrible, this unloving, it must mean that everyone else is even worse!".

I hate it. You know, if some stranger is rude to you, you are able to think "well, it's just that one person who was rude, everyone else is nice and kind and friendly and trustworthy!" but if your own parents are awful then you'll feel like everyone is awful.

It's much easier to think "One stranger being bad doesn't mean others are bad" but much harder to think "parents being bad doesn't mean everyone else is bad!".

This is so unhealthy.

 

[Circles]

I'm just wondering what one should do when you're your worst enemy.

 

[StrangePossum]

Being stuck here. Part of me feels like a child that wants to be rescued. But I know that nobody is going to rescue me. So why is my brain still stuck on that? Part of me just wants to ctb already because at least it would be easier than trying to claw my way out of this hellhole.

 

[rattenkrieg]

My post-manic depression, how I'm neglecting myself, bedridden, anhedonia. I'm suffering.

 

[newave3]

It bothers me how much I love this song

 

[WorthlessTrash]

At the moment, i have swimmers ear (a type of ear infection).

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

My thoughts are mess...
To you my dear friend:
I don't know where you are... Are you OK? I miss you so much, its hurting because I don't know what happened. Why this silence... I didn't expect this to be this hard, I can't stand it. You are so important to me, I wish you come back. I wish you didn't leave already I care about you so much, it hurts. I hope you just want time alone or something, these thoughts are crushing me. I'm here always if you need me with or without conversation. Seems like I care about you a lot <3 Oot rakas.

 

[Life interrupted]

My existence!!!

 

[Pencil+Ink]

Disability (chronic pain), dysphoria, and the dread of how long left I have to live.

 

[Al Cappella]

Ignorant people. Which is my fault, and that's annoying.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Just don't want to get up. Why am I such a whiny scrub who feels an existential sort of pain at the mere thought of putting in any sort of effort?

The cure for burnout is apparently to just stop being burnt out. So dumb. Life is a joke and it stopped being funny.

 

[Lullaby]

Just feeling like everything I hope or get excited about, turns out to be good to be true, no matter how small it is. For once, I want to feel good about something and it turns out fine, but I feel like I'm kidding myself at this point.

It's just really upsetting.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Dysphoria, triggers, the usual. Really need to CTB, but I just wish it didn't come to this.

 

[allesistgut]

i'm running so low on money.

 

[adesertrose]

School. Body. Appearance. Having no friends. Being doomed since BEFORE birth

 

[Manaaja]

I hate when people call things they don't like "rats".

I found a few subreddits where they hate different animals and animal breeds. None of them ever says things like "I hate rats because they destroy houses and eat food and spread diseases", no, they say "I hate cats, dogs and birds because they are shit rats, btw, I don't hate actual rats, I just like calling everything I hate a rat." Dog hate subreddits are full of talk about how all dogs are "shit rats", cat hate subreddits are full of "all cats are shit rats".

As a person who likes rats, I hate seeing people call everything they hate "rat". People's vocabularies are so bad. A lot of people call everything they don't like either "shit rat" or "gay", instead of "bad, disgusting, annoying, damn, damned, fucking, bloody, evil, uncool" etc.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Nausea, brain fog, lack of motivation, overall pointlessness.

 

[BrokenHill]

Everything bother me, nothing is perfect to me

 

[zhhz99]

I'm planning to CTB tomorrow and have tied up all my loose strings except one thing. I have a couple of online friends who have helped and supported me as a friend since I was 11 years old, and it feels like such a shame to let them think that I might've just ghosted them. I really don't know how to find peace with that since it is impossible to tell them directly without them trying to interfere with my attempt.

I'm thinking about just randomly saying good morning to them and thanking them for their friendship since that won't be so unusual since I'm such a sentimental person normally. Most of them know my full name and the city I currently live, so I suppose they could figure out eventually with a Google search finding my obituary that I've passed.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Currently, dysphoria and I feel extremely close to my breaking point. Even going to the card store yesterday to play did zero for me.

I am at peace with CTB.

 

[littlelungs]

Aside from the fact that I'm constantly suffering from aggressive and debilitating pain on a physical, psychological and existential level and I wish I was never born...

I just read probably the worst, most nauseating thing I've ever fucking read:

Spoiler: NSFL

Some Russians killed a Ukrainian mother, taped her child to her dead body and put a mine between the two of them, then when a Ukrainian soldier tried to save the child, the mine detonated.

Jesus fucking Christ. I don't even know what to say... I'm just at an absolute loss with this one. The endless depravity that humans are capable of scares the everloving fuck out of me.

 

[Manaaja]

If I have a 60 card MTG Arena deck with 20 lands. I draw 23 cards, and 13 of the cards I draw are lands, what are the chances of that happening? If 1/3 of my cards are land cards, when I draw 23 cards, I should get 7-8 land cards, not 13! Besides, I've drawn who knows how many land cards in a row.

...Maybe I should do lottery today?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I need out, but can't do it yet.

 

[littlelungs]

My tics have been off the charts these past few days. It's hard to explain what it is but it involves shutting my eyes, grimacing, doing something with my toes and exhaling all at the same time. Sometimes there are slight vocalizations and extra blinking involved, but not always. It makes my eyes water and gives me a headache. It's always there and I've always had some sort of variation of it since I was a kid, but it gets exponentially worse when I'm anxious (had a full-blown anxiety attack earlier which amped it up even more), stressed and/or haven't slept for a while (by my severely chronically ill standards). It's strenuous and causes extra pain that I REALLY don't need and I can't control it. It's driving me fucking crazy. Yet another thing I can't wait to finally be free of.

The medication that helps me stay asleep for a reasonable amount of time can't kick in soon enough.

 

[Hirokami]

Me being a piece of shit like always.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I want to f*cking off myself but I cannot, i have to go day by day seeing other people as what I can only wish to be, i dont see a future for myself that I want.

I just want to go so bad.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I think I ruined my life.

 

[Brianiskillingme]

Health. No family. Shitty boyfriend who lets his kids treat me like shit. Major Depressive Disorder. I idealize suicide all the time, even if I am in a happy situation, I am still thinking about it.