Venting Why...why

[cookiencream]

I feel so desperate. My only available method; hanging, is too traumatic for me to do. I don't even know why I'm traumatized by it, just 2 days ago I was fine with hanging. Now just thinking about doing it makes me panic. But it's the only thing I can do right now. I don't have any sources for SN, I know overdoses don't work so i wont bother. And jumping is nearly impossible where I'm from. There's drowning ig but that's arguably harder than hanging. Why can't ODs work???? I just want to down some pills and pass out. I wonder if I take blood pressure meds if I could give myself a heart attack...ha. Ig I could try for ligature strangulation but...idk ropes and me aren't friends right now. I tried to force myself to set everything up and it made it so much worse. I'm begging, there has to be something I can do. I don't want to be here
Idk if it's the meds working or what. Honestly I'm fine with dying but the method....
Man. Why can't I control anything??? I can't even control myself. I just want to will myself into not being afraid but I can't. I tried to and it made it worse. I feel so powerless and hopeless.

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm sorry, yeah you seem desperate for an out it's a terrible state to be in and for long specially.
Don't know if the meds are working, or if it has gotten worse for you, as in more suicidal, that can happen. Sometimes they start working better after a while. Hope you can make it there or at least that it starts getting easier to manage. Just regardless of what you do really that it gets easier cos it sure sounds like you are having an awful time I'm sorry :(
Big hugs

 

[cookiencream]

I just want to sleep forever...but I'm too chicken to do what's necessary