What would it take to save a life?

[uuser1412]

I had a friend who took his own life and for over a year straight, literally everyday I would wake up and trying to figure out how something like this could happen. My entire framework of seeing the world collapsed, and it took me even a couple of month to even accept that this wasn't some elaborate prank put on me. I had so many dreams in the past about finally waking up and seeing him and feeling so relieved and happy that it was all a dream and that he was actually alive.

I can't help but imagine that it would have taken only one sentence for me to have saved his life. I was right there, the last time I saw him, I could see in his eyes he was tired, but I was so afraid to speak. I was so anxious of how I was coming across. This happened 3 years ago and the guilt never went away.

There were so many times in the past where I was in such extreme anguish and pain that I just couldn't take it anymore, somehow I've survived it all. In other moments, the freeze lifts, and for a second I feel calm and the clarity hits me, and I feel so overwhelmed with emotion I just start crying and I feel so much love for the world.

What would it take to save your life? What would it take to save mine? Would it take a change of environment? Would it take a friend reaching out?

I'm sure all of you still have hope no matter how hard its trying to survive, you are still here after all. So what do you all hope will happen? Have you given up on getting better?

 

[doomedbynarrative]

A literal Act Of God from a god that I'm not really sure exists. Or if god exists then they aren't too personal so it won't happen.

But yeah literally an Act Of God where all is given a good purpose and all is made right, whole, healthy, and loved and immense suffering is eliminated.

 

[FuneralCry]

If saved means decades more of the torture of existing with no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to face the terrible, extreme agony of old age and die anyway then I'd never wish for that as I just don't want the pain, suffering and torture of existing and existing truly is just only suffering, to suffer in this existence will always be an abomination.

I find it so horrific how the torture of existing can continue for much longer, I only continue to suffer as I exist in this evil world where humans have made dying painlessly a crime, anti-suicide truly is such terrible extreme cruelty but what is so terrible and dreadful is how humans impose this torturous existence that I just always saw as a mistake in the first place.

It truly is a mistake to exist and more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence at all, for me non-existence is just all that's positive, for me ceasing to exist would be the positive solution to find peace from the evil of existing where existing beings are tortured every second.

 

[hurb]

u shouldn't feel any guilt , a suicidal person analyses everything they have in life from money to friendships. if there was hope the connection between u guys would have been enough for them to keep living, they wouldn't have done it.
suicide is much deeper than just an act of impulse.
and no not all of us have hope , surprisingly enough to conquer ur SI is the hardest task ever.
you have to overcome ur own nature.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Perhaps when I was younger and more open to change, someone taking a real interest in where I was at and encouraging me- would probably have helped.

I had that on a couple of occassions meeting up with older female friends of the family. They were both mother figures to me. (My Mum died young.) I think- the fact they could tell things were wrong- even though I was doing my best to hide it- meant a lot. That they weren't afraid to ask questions and that they tried to give me encouragement and advice. Possibly, if I'd had more of that- at that time period- it may have helped somewhat.

People can't necessarily be there for a person that much though. And- it's unwise (I've found) to become so reliant on others.

Now, I don't think any person can help. I'm not totally convinced any one person can be enough to save another anyway. The want to be saved needs to reside within them- I tend to think. They also need to be willing to put in the work to change and- that can look like a vertical climb to someone struggling so much already.

Now- it just tends to irritate me- if people try to advise what I should be doing to make life better. I really just want as easy a time of it, treading water now- till I feel able to go.

I think that's the crux of it really. For things to improve- I think that often means facing our worst fears. Enduring very challenging and even unpleasant experiences in the hopes they will lead to a greater good. Ultimately- facing the prospect that things may well get worse before they get better.

Someone with no fight left may well not want to face that. Especially if they don't even believe in the reward at the end. Can they even envisage a life where they are happy? To effectively guilt trip or force someone to keep struggling on and on- I'm not sure how kind that actually is in the end.

I think that is part of the problem too- when people encourage others to stay. How much do they really believe that person will end up ok? Do they really even care? So long as they are alive, are they all that concerned that they are (possibly) still struggling immensely? How much of it is to spare themselves grief? That they can't bare to be without that person. I suppose- being pro-choice, I tend to find myself stuck in a dilema communicating with peoole who want to suicide.

Of course- the ideal would be that they could solve the problems in their life. How likely is that though? Isn't it hypocritical to assure them they will overcome the problems hampering them when, I haven't overcome mine?

It feels too arrogant to insist I know enough about their problems, history, genetics, character to know either way- whether they can actually overcome their problems. So- I can't even assess whether suicide is a reasonable option for them.

Believing in our right to autonomy too- I don't feel it's any of my business to make that choice either. It's more just this hope that they have fully considered their situation. And that their mindset isn't skewed by a treatable illness. (That's another problem- how 'treatable' are certain mental illnesses?)

Really honestly though- if it's someone I've gotten to know better- there is the selfish element that I don't want to lose them. But- it isn't fair to impose that they should stay here and suffer because that suits me better. I think that's the dilema mutually suicidal people find themselves in when they try to support one another. It's hard to know which part of the person to respect. The part of them that shows potential to overcone and live a contended life or the part that is exhausted, hurt and wants to escape from this life. Ultimately for me though- being pro-choice- I have to respect that that choice is theirs alone to make.

Plus- I think you have to consider that- in your situation- it sounds like you were a good and open friend to this person. If they had believed that you could have helped them- wouldn't they have asked you for help? It works both ways- they could have contacted you more.

I feel like there are friends in my life who would be there for me more- if I let them know the truth of how I feel. I truly don't think they could make any meaningful difference to how I feel though. All telling them would do is make them worry. I could very well suicide regardless- in which case- they will then have to live with the feeling that they knew full well I was that close to the edge. So- was there something they could/ should have done? In not realising- they can believe they would have done more if they'd known. It's not their fault- when they didn't know. I tend to think people don't reach out always because they may already know that no one can help them.

 

[girlwhosoldtheworld]

i do still have a bit of hope left. i wanna rebuild myself from the ground and up. for how other people could help me though, i don't know if they can. i have a bad habit of self isolation—perhaps your friend did too—and i sort of hate everyone around me now. but i know it's human nature to want to love and care, so i'm still ok with getting better eventually. i just wish people included me in conversations more; i wish they would've listened instead of just hearing me. i don't know all the details of your friend's story, but you shouldn't blame yourself. i'd say it's unlikely that you could've saved all of him even if you tried your hardest because you're only one person. i hope you're alright, and i hope your friend is at peace

 

[Forveleth]

It sounds like you have the same guilt that often accompanies knowing someone who killed themselves. Do not blame yourself for their actions. Reasons for suicide almost always run very deep. Despite what media tells us, someone's life can not be turned around by a single sentence or act. It takes a lot to push a person to the point of wanting death, it takes just as much (if not more) to pull them back the other way.

As for me, nothing will save me. I have not had a happy first 40 years of my life and I therefore really do not want to experience the rest. When I look at how many potential years I have left, I say "no thanks" and plan my death. There is no "getting better" as there is inherently nothing wrong with me. I choose to forfeit my remaining time out of disinterest in continuing the activity of living.