Discussion What would it take for you to not want to CTB at all?

[tvoisluga]

Nothing can ever cancel these thoughts 100% . This is my cure for the human condition.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I think humanity would have to be fundamentally different. I think I'm depressed for reasons that are very environmental and involve my family. Domestic violence, and the changes in emotional state that come with that. I've become lonely, shut-off, misanthropic, and at the same time dependent on my partner to feel ok.

 

[Fractal]

A time machine so I can tell my parents, and myself to take my diabetes seriously. I'm dying because they didn't care, and by the time I needed to take control I didn't care either.

 

[Argo]

A huge sum of money would sure give me a lot of independence. Money is basically the sublimation of power in our world. Without money, power would just be overt and crushing. With money, power becomes a kind of game people play to turn more natural power games a little less brutal than they otherwise would be, and provide some pro-social consequences. I've argued against money being a solution to problems before and I still think that's true, but as far as monkeys like us go, having lots of it opens so many doors. It also exposes you to the worst kinds of people that exist. So you pay a heavier and heavier price the more money you have. Maybe it's just the grass is always greener sort of thing, and I would regret it-- I can't be sure. I could meet people in both platonic and romantic terms who would pretend to care about me because now I could offer them all of these superficial little gifts and present myself in a way that's appealing to them. But is that what I really want? Very rich and famous people still commit suicide. As long as that is the case, I will never be totally delusional about how problem solving money actually is vs. how it seems.

 

[HereTomorrow]

Going back to my childhood and locking the door in my room to prevent my repeated SA so I wouldn't say I want to CTB at 12.

Going back to my teen years and remove all the years of abusive therapy and building genuine friendships without tearing them apart by my horrid personality enabled by therapy abuse.

Being 100% straight.

If not a time machine, a good paying job and a group of friends who emphasize with my story and able to be my true self. A way to remove these stress episodes that spontaneity show up and egg me to CTB even when there is no one actively hurting me.

Basically, just remove my childhood trauma and make everyone forget what happened. A clean slate, a second chance at life.

 

[Anxi0usandDepressed]

Title says it all. What would it take for you to not want to CTB at all?

Not having crippling social anxiety, major depression, immense low self esteem, 0 confidence, not hating my physical appearance, not having acne, etc.

 

[strangelife]

It's enough just to get back to health

 

[astonishedturnip]

For my loved ones to live forever and to never experience any mental/physical decline. I don't really give a fuck about myself but the constant anxiety and dread about what could happen to them, and what will inevitably happen, is what's driving me into an early grave. Instead I'm faced with the inevitable reality of their aging and the uncertainty that comes with it.

A romantic partner who will keep me safe and support me, and I can do the same to them. Children that I can nurture and maybe some dogs. Instead I only encounter people who want a mute wish fulfillment bangmaid, or are pushing 40 and still scared to commit to anything, or are married and pretending not to be, or just plain hate women.

A circle of ride-or-die friends where we can all support each other, hang out, explore the world together and lean on each other through life's ups and downs. Instead my friends married and made their partner their world, or delegated me as a backup of a backup friend even though I made every effort to try to maintain or strengthen our relationship. Guess I'm just not fucking important. At least I have a few internet friends but it's not the same.

Interesting shit to do, I guess. A town that I can explore, find hangout spots, join clubs or meetups, explore hobbies, meet new people, have a sense of belonging. Instead I live in nowheresville where anything interesting is a 30 minute drive away, which isn't the end of the world but SUCKS after a long day of work. And I'm not exaggerating when I say there are literally no MeetUps within a 50-mile radius that aren't Christian divorcees singles groups for 50+ and up, or crypto scams masking as entrepreneurship clubs, so I feel my brain bleed when Reddit suggests it as an option to meet people. I take art classes when I can find them but most that are advertised are targeted towards children.

A sense of purpose maybe? Maybe it's mentally ill of me but I genuinely do not understand when people talk about moving on from grief or ideation by finding their life's purpose. I can't imagine having it, outside of maybe raising a family, which feels like a 0% probability for me at this point. I've volunteered, attended church regularly, traveled, taken classes, worked, served, etc. but it's like these things happen and then they're just... over with no real spiritual impact on me. I have hobbies I enjoy but none give me reasons to live or anything. So instead I'm just trying to find brief moments of happiness during monotony of living.

A billion dollars in the bank. Instead I'm wageslaving.

So tl;dr a lot of things could keep me from CTB and instead I'm here at 3am looking to see if sticking a fork in an outlet will ACTUALLY kill me.

 

[Patches]

I guess money. If I had the funds, then I would seek the solution to at least a few of my health issues to make things bearable. If I couldn't fix myself, then I guess I'd want to live the last of my years somewhere warm.