Help What will your note look like

[EmpressDean]

I'm currently writing my note. I've written and rewritten my note over the years. A big chunk of it is how my older sister emotionally abused me and was aggressive and violent towards me, even tho I was caring for her kids. And how my parents didn't say or do anything about it.
I debated not writing a note at all, because I keep getting anxious over how other people might react to it. Will they shame me and say it was a stupid reason to take my own life? I have more reasons like learning disabilities and having no friends and being alone. But I feel like people, including my parents and both sisters, will shame me anyways. I just feel awful. I want people to really understand why I did this, and feel as to why I did this. It wasn't just an impulse.
So I'm wondering, for those of you who felt abandoned or lonely or ignored or like me, what will you put in your note? Do you care about what your family, church and community will say? I'm so anxious I keep imagining the shame I will be in

 

[elenaboo25]

My note will be a scheduled E-Mail going to the people most important to me, with a short, one-sentence personalised goodbye message for each one of them.

 

[EmpressDean]

My note will be a scheduled E-Mail going to the people most important to me, with a short, one-sentence personalised goodbye message for each one of them.

That sounds good. Any explanation of why you did it? Or do people know about your depression?

 

[lurk]

My note will be a scheduled E-Mail going to the people most important to me, with a short, one-sentence personalised goodbye message for each one of them.

Same, I made personalized notes. I'm thinking of going missing soon and leaving no trace, but I'm coding a dead man's switch up for Discord and SMS just in case.

 

[elenaboo25]

That sounds good. Any explanation of why you did it? Or do people know about your depression?

The people who will be getting the E-Mail know about my long history with depression. I will not give an explanation. I want to let them assume that I have simply lost the battle with depression. That sounds much more poetic and acceptable than the truth.

 

[walking for miles]

I think I'll post my note, and if I fail then I'm hopeful I can grab my notes before it gets into the hands of family. But I don't see any reason why I should fail.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I used to have so much to say but brain damage took that from me.. I probably won't leave a note although I probably should to at least one person.

 

[EmpressDean]

The people who will be getting the E-Mail know about my long history with depression. I will not give an explanation. I want to let them assume that I have simply lost the battle with depression. That sounds much more poetic and acceptable than the truth.

Oh ok so no explanation? I've considered this too. But there was this girl in my church community in another state who took her own life, and people said "that's so stupid really?" Because they assumed she did it cuz she broke up with her boyfriend. I'm sure there was more going on than just that. But that was the "reason" given to everyone and it spread like gossip and now everyone's response to her ctb is "that's so stupid"
Which is why I'm hesitant to not tell my reasons

 

[Dark Mood]

I don't know if I will write a note at all. If I do, there will be no kind words

 

[Jadeith]

what will you put in your note?

Instructions, password locations and such that would be useful to my partner after my demise. I find explanations, stories and such useless. If they didn't notice and/or understand when i was alive then it would be irrelevant if they do after i'm gone.

Do you care about what your family, church and community will say?

Look. After successful ctb i will be dead. At this point i physically can't care, even if i wanted to. And i don't.

 

[$ixty-2wo]

I finished typing/writing my notes last week. They include:
- A General Note that almost everybody should read [Including a one sentence foundational reason of why I CTB]
- Individual notes to Family Members/Sides of my family [Some with more personal handwritten notes]
- An apology note to my therapist [I've been lying to her that I'm not suicidal for weeks]
- A Procedural Note [What to do in certain situations regarding my death or my failure to do so]

There's more to it too, I put it all of it in an organized binder.

I feel lonely, abandoned, and ignored just like you. I'm using my notes as a last ditch effort to make people understand who I am, and if they don't, who cares? I'll be dead anyway lol

 

[woodlandcreature]

I probably won't have one, but I might post a goodbye thread here.

 

[barelyholdingon]

I will make it a short paragraph explaining why to give my family and friends some closure

 

[eternalpace]

In my note, I gave credit to where credit is due (showing love to family), and discredit to where discredit is due (recognizing those who made my life hell). I've uploaded it to a server so I can make changes to it up until the very last minute... and I'll leave a link to it so it can be found after I pass.

 

[EmpressDean]

Same, I made personalized notes. I'm thinking of going missing soon and leaving no trace, but I'm coding a dead man's switch up for Discord and SMS just in case.

What's a dead man switch? How is it made?

I finished typing/writing my notes last week. They include:
- A General Note that almost everybody should read [Including a one sentence foundational reason of why I CTB]
- Individual notes to Family Members/Sides of my family [Some with more personal handwritten notes]
- An apology note to my therapist [I've been lying to her that I'm not suicidal for weeks]
- A Procedural Note [What to do in certain situations regarding my death or my failure to do so]

There's more to it too, I put it all of it in an organized binder.

I feel lonely, abandoned, and ignored just like you. I'm using my notes as a last ditch effort to make people understand who I am, and if they don't, who cares? I'll be dead anyway lol

Can you explain your procedural note? Is it just a typed up note you made or is it like a DNR or something

In my note, I gave credit to where credit is due (showing love to family), and discredit to where discredit is due (recognizing those who made my life hell). I've uploaded it to a server so I can make changes to it up until the very last minute... and I'll leave a link to it so it can be found after I pass.

Oh what server? And why a server?

 

[phem___]

im so unintelligent i dont think id be able to actually write anything meaningful

 

[orbwithinorb]

No note for me.

 

[trist]

- i wrote a short note with a general explanation
- i have a document with instructions for my funeral and belongings etc.
- i'm gonna write personalized notes for my siblings

i also wrote and drew ton of stuff over the years just because, and i'll leave all of that for my family to find. some of it reflects my mental state so that also kinda serves as an explanation

 

[nyotei_]

I feel that I owe an explanation to the people who are closest to me. I also want try to prevent any guilt as best I can, but I am kinda aware this is a fool's errand. still, I have some things to say.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

Instead of a note, I plan on keeping a small journal of my days leading up to me catching the bus. next month im going on vacation to tokyo for a month and at the end of it im gonna ctb in my apartment the night before i check out. On the first page of my journal i have my full name, birthday, and phone numbers of my sisters with instructions written in both english and japanese to deliver the journal back to my family in america adter i die.

After i land in japan, every night ill just write about my day, what i did, as well as just random thoughts. ill use it to vent my frustrations, document my thoughts going through my head in the moment, etc. on the final day i plan on taking pictures of all the pages in my journal (censoring stuff like my family's numbers) and post it all online.

 

[EmpressDean]

Instead of a note, I plan on keeping a small journal of my days leading up to me catching the bus. next month im going on vacation to tokyo for a month and at the end of it im gonna ctb in my apartment the night before i check out. On the first page of my journal i have my full name, birthday, and phone numbers of my sisters with instructions written in both english and japanese to deliver the journal back to my family in america adter i die.

After i land in japan, every night ill just write about my day, what i did, as well as just random thoughts. ill use it to vent my frustrations, document my thoughts going through my head in the moment, etc. on the final day i plan on taking pictures of all the pages in my journal (censoring stuff like my family's numbers) and post it all online.

What's your method? In Japan right?

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

What's your method? In Japan right?

Yeah, I'll ctb in japan. im still researching and working out all the details on my method. ideally, im thinking of using carbon monoxide to ctb in my sleep, but im not sure how easy it would be to do that in the apartment i booked. its a 1 bedroom apartment, 30 square meters (233 square feet). idk how hard it would be to get enough CO in the apartment to kill me in my sleep, i saw some other posts on here about people building the co up in tents, if possible, i might either do it in the bathroom so its a smaller space or just burn more charcoal. ideally id like to be asleep when i ctb. I also plan on taking a bunch of benadryl with alcohol. I know over the counter meds are a non method, im just taking them slto make sure im fully out while the co builds up in the room.

 

[fallingbehind]

I decided to do audio recordings and schedule them to my dad via email. Hes the only person getting shit from me when I ctb

 

[coolbeansniner55]

- Individual notes to family members
- Individual notes to my friends
- General note to family
- General note to friend group
- Passwords
Mainly saying its not their fault and going over memories and saying my thanks to them

 

[martyrdom]

Nobody will get a note or any words of explanation at all.

 

[starboy2k]

at this point……nothing.

any note you leave behind that doesn't paint the people who will read it in a good light will be discarded and forgotten about.

everyone wants to be able to tell you its "your fault" for the situations leading up to your suicide, but no one wants to hear that they had also had a part in it too.

 

[throwawayghm]

Ngl probably nothing I dont have anything to say

 

[Kassender]

There won´t be one. No one would give a shit.
And those who pretend to care know what they did and why i did it.