what will you miss? how do you cope with knowing you're leaving it?

[PrincessInWhite]

it sounds silly, but even as I grow closer and closer to making final arrangements and realizing a lot of the things I hoped would change don't seem likely to, I still find myself clinging to bitterness that this is the way it has to be, and thinking of all the things I'll miss.

I'll miss my dad, my brother, my grandma, my partner and a handful of close friends. I'll miss my pets. I'll miss little things like grocery store trips and good tv shows/movies and listening to music. I'll miss the seasons changing and christmas lights and even nights spent on this chat, smoking a bowl with friends who understand. I'll miss reading and writing and eating. I'll miss warm showers and comfy beds and pretty sunsets.

it cracks my heart open that it has to be this way. It kills me that those of us not strong enough to survive in capitalist societies have no safety nets and no other choice if we can't manage to find something lucrative that we're also good at and work like dogs 40+ hours a week. I envy the ones who can make it work. I envy thtose with stable families and situations who never had to turn to unhealthy ways to cope that destroy the body and mind.

I hurt. I am sad. I am grieving my own life before I'm gone.

I hope reading this made anyone feel less alone, even in a small way. Feel free to keep the discussion going.

 

[WornOutLife]

If my consciousness somehow keeps existing in "the afterlife", I'll certainly miss my dad and dog.

 

[death137]

 

[PrincessInWhite]

View attachment 55724

Oh this got me

 

[Pravesh]

my father but i probably will do it after hes gone.
ummm what else? junk food lol , video games and youtubers such as cinnamontoastken and pewdipie and ksi. also 90 day fiance.
yes im a loser neet XD

 

[justsad&done]

Your sorrow comes through in your words and I am sorry for your suffering. Like you, I often sit and think about the people and things that I will be leaving behind. And it brings me more pain and heartache to know what I will be missing and to know the sadness my leaving will bring to others. It complicates everything. And it adds to the constant thoughts that swim around in my head. Life isn't easy and neither is death.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I will miss hugging my boyfriend, the warmth of his body. I will miss my mom.

 

[Bigpink]

Given up everything I felt any kind of attachment to. Sure there's some things that made life meaningful, undeniable.

 

[mimiopo22]

nothing.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

my father but i probably will do it after hes gone.
ummm what else? junk food lol , video games and youtubers such as cinnamontoastken and pewdipie and ksi. also 90 day fiance.
yes im a loser neet XD

You're not a loser!! That stuff matters too

Your sorrow comes through in your words and I am sorry for your suffering. Like you, I often sit and think about the people and things that I will be leaving behind. And it brings me more pain and heartache to know what I will be missing and to know the sadness my leaving will bring to others. It complicates everything. And it adds to the constant thoughts that swim around in my head. Life isn't easy and neither is death.

This is such a kind and wonderful reply. I'd love to chat with you more if you want, we seem to feel the same about this

I won't miss anything after Death because my brain won't be able to generate any thoughts ever again until the universe's ending through heat death. imo the brain inside my skull is all that i am so i won't remember anything after my brain Death.

I know once I'm dead I cannot think haha, it's more of what I will feel sad leaving behind

 

[Pravesh]

I will miss hugging my boyfriend, the warmth of his body. I will miss my mom.

i wish i had a girlfriend but i actually have a micropenis and no one wants me . relationships seem awesome .

 

[disillusionment]

I would miss my two cats the most. I would feel bad leaving them behind knowing their next owner might not care for them as well as I do. I don't know anyone I trust to take care of them as well as I do. I wish I could just be happy and not mentally ill so I can keep living and being there for them.

I would also miss my favourite tv shows and my favourite food (Korean food, ice cream etc). I will miss daydreaming about travelling although it doesn't seem like I can ever even do that, with my low income and my social anxiety. I will miss my fantasy world that has protected me and brought me joy, given me hope. But it's false hope, I'm sick of living in an illusion all the time, and running away from my horrible reality.

 

[There Look! Nothing]

I compare how I feel when I'm alive to the things I'll miss and they don't seem as important anymore. If there's nothing then it doesn't make a difference and if there's an afterlife there'll be whatever I miss there anyway.
I'm just so tired. No amount of sleep feels long enough. I want it all gone, I hope there's nothing afterwards in honesty. Just for the chance it'll be more suffering

 

[Bigpink]

i wish i had a girlfriend but i actually have a micropenis and no one wants me . relationships seem awesome .

Relationships aren't necessarily awesome.

 

[Pravesh]

Relationships aren't necessarily awesome.

true but i just wish to experience one with a loving accepting woman , but i cant since i have a micropenis and am unable to penetrate. it may even keep me here . guess i will never know what its like.

 

[justanotherstar]

Beautiful words I relate a lot. I have many things in my life I will miss, I am madly in love with my best friend, she will be as devastated to lose me as I am to be losing her, i will miss my animals, my family, it doesn't sound like much but I will miss music, it's what gets me through the day and can't imagine existing without it. I'm sure there are many other things too. I wish these were enough to take away the pain and suffering

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I can tell how much pain you are in from these poigant words and I am so sorry you've had to endure so much.

My boyfriend is someone I will miss so much when I am gone. No more hugs, no more kisses, or having a drink and watching a film together. Hearing my partner's heartbeat was one of the few things in the world that made me happy.

Listening to music is something I'll miss. With my level of pain I stopped playing my instrument over a year ago and it makes me very sad that I'll never be able to again. I'll miss seeing cats sleeping in the neighbour's gardens and getting to pet their heads. Oh, and I'll miss eating good food after getting high, even if I haven't done it in ages.

 

[rabbithole]

My cats.

 

[TAW122]

I would miss the worldly vices, video games, entertainment, food, and what not, but that's not a bad price to pay for eternal peace and nonexistence. Plus, it may be better to not be around when the world gets even worse than it is now.

 

[MindFog]

I'd miss my loved ones and my pets. But I'll also miss enjoying my time alone. I love it when it's raining and I would just look outside. Moments of solidarity. Sometimes, I wonder when will be the last time I see it so I try to watch every time it rains.

 

[issyishere]

I absolutely get what you're saying. I miss feeling the ability to enjoy things. Feels like im numb all the time recently. Hoping for better days for the both of us. One way or another

 

[Sea Turtle]

I don't believe there is anything after death, so I do miss a few things, but I don't think it will matter since there is just nothing after, no consciousness, no thoughts or feelings.

 

[Kramer]

I won't miss anything. I won't be able to. It makes me so happy that you can't actually regret succeeding at suicide. It's truly beautiful

 

[voyager]

Tbh, I already miss the things I care about whilst still alive. Be it for physical limitations, apathy/anhedonia, or time I just can't enjoy/experience the things I used to and the longer it drags on the worse it seems to get. It's a major theme with me and why I wanna quit.

 

[newave3]

Thanks to many years of depression and taking mind numbing medications, I am a living corpse. I already miss every thing good life has to offer.

 

[Prathibha]

Don't have anything to miss anyway I will miss MARVEL upcoming movies for sure

 

[Lotus]

It's always nice to see you around @PrincessInWhite You bring so much care, joy and happiness to the community. I'm sad to see how things have been going for you lately. I want to support you in any way if possible.

For myself, I will miss my mom and my one sister. I'm basically just surviving right now, but I don't think I have the heart to go now because of my mom. She's been so supportive the last year after I originally had made all the arrangements to ctb and went to the hospital after a severe attempt. I don't know it I have the conscience to do it. Other than that, I don't like living. I hate it. I hate every part of it. I had some hope to reconnect with my old self, but I don't think it's possible.

Hold on to what you care for, even the smallest things. And remember that if you do eventually decide to let go. You will certainly be missed by us. You deserve to be reminded of what has brought you happiness and joy if you choose to go. Lots of love and hugs.

 

[Kat!]

I will never see half-life 3.
Pretty much all I am looking forwards to lol.

 

[stygal]

Some things still give me temporary joy such as listening to music, sleeping, eating certain things, talking to people who really understand me, being in nature and watching movies.
But these positive feelings are always there just to distract myself from the harsh reality -> being in pain 24/7.

So if I tell myself that all good things come to an end and only mask the pain eventually I can detach myself easily.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Beautiful words I relate a lot. I have many things in my life I will miss, I am madly in love with my best friend, she will be as devastated to lose me as I am to be losing her, i will miss my animals, my family, it doesn't sound like much but I will miss music, it's what gets me through the day and can't imagine existing without it. I'm sure there are many other things too. I wish these were enough to take away the pain and suffering

Music does sound like a lot!! I will miss it so much too. I'm here if you ever want to chat!

I can tell how much pain you are in from these poigant words and I am so sorry you've had to endure so much.

My boyfriend is someone I will miss so much when I am gone. No more hugs, no more kisses, or having a drink and watching a film together. Hearing my partner's heartbeat was one of the few things in the world that made me happy.

Listening to music is something I'll miss. With my level of pain I stopped playing my instrument over a year ago and it makes me very sad that I'll never be able to again. I'll miss seeing cats sleeping in the neighbour's gardens and getting to pet their heads. Oh, and I'll miss eating good food after getting high, even if I haven't done it in ages.

This one made me cry. I hate that I have to do this to my partner. I am here if you ever want to talk

I absolutely get what you're saying. I miss feeling the ability to enjoy things. Feels like im numb all the time recently. Hoping for better days for the both of us. One way or another

Right back at you Here if you ever wanna chat!

It's always nice to see you around @PrincessInWhite You bring so much care, joy and happiness to the community. I'm sad to see how things have been going for you lately. I want to support you in any way if possible.

For myself, I will miss my mom and my one sister. I'm basically just surviving right now, but I don't think I have the heart to go now because of my mom. She's been so supportive the last year after I originally had made all the arrangements to ctb and went to the hospital after a severe attempt. I don't know it I have the conscience to do it. Other than that, I don't like living. I hate it. I hate every part of it. I had some hope to reconnect with my old self, but I don't think it's possible.

Hold on to what you care for, even the smallest things. And remember that if you do eventually decide to let go. You will certainly be missed by us. You deserve to be reminded of what has brought you happiness and joy if you choose to go. Lots of love and hugs.

Whew BOY!!! You have me sobbing at work lotus you are such a gift to us and this world. Your kindness and thoughtfulness do not go unnoticed. This could not have been a more perfect response. I'm glad you're finding whatever it is allows you to hold on, be it your mom or sister or small things like nice foods and pretty sunsets. You are so cherished and loved